why does my wife turn away when we kiss?

Question

when we have sex, that I always initiate, how come 99% of the time does she keep her body turned to me, never wanting to do it face to face? why when she is just "helping me out" or "finishing me" is it always one handed, reaching back towards me because her body is turned? Sure, these are dumb questions, the answers are quite obvious I guess, written down like this. She says "its not you, its me" and of course just recently admitted to having feelings for someone else and doesn't know if "we'll make it".....but when I leave she cries and wants me here, but when I come back it's only good for a week or so...then it's back to this. SO, any women out there done this? Weren't you just not 100% sure if you were making a mistake or not and not wanting to be the one who ended it? Is the best thing for me to do just walk away...make the decision for her, that she's obviously too afraid, for whatever reason, to make herself??

WOW! Jackal, you are a RIOT!! BWHAHAAAH!!! And clearly quite immature, save the serious questions for serious answers...isn't there a Teen Relationship question you can be answering?

Answer 1

i dont know how but i think this will help you out... a true story...

this was posted by her husband on a blog:

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore ..I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:

I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart .



The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!


-end-

Answer 2

In every relationship there is always one that loves more than the other. Maybe your wife had a brain fart 3 times? Or just didn't take her wedding vows as serious as you do. The point is you can't go around beating the crap out of everyone she decides to kiss. Is there anything you could do to show her the attention she wants so she doesn't have to look for it elsewhere? You have an opportunity to make your marriage stronger because of this or let it lead to a divorce. It sounds like you need more open and honest communication between you two. So, without condemning her ask her why she would kiss any guy other then you? How would she feel if you kissed other women? Would that be showing her the respect she deserves? Get it all talked out about this guy and never EVER bring it up again. You have to forgive! But, you are only human so, you won't forget a stab in your back. If she loves you she will remember the scar she left by her actions. Marriage is based on a mutual commitment to each other and trust in each other to keep that commitment. If trust is lost so is the commitment. If that ends up being the case you have to decide to be the one that loves the most in that relationship or just end it.

Answer 3

I think maybe you should try to stop playing battle field so much and maybe spend more time with her. NOT ONLY WHEN YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX, And wile we are taking about sex. Are you treating her good or are you ONLY taking care of yourself. Do you have any children? maybe a baby and is she breast feeding. Taking care of a new born and a husband is hard. MAYBE you should give her a brake. and clean the house every now and then or maybe take her out to dinner so she is not cooking 6 nights a week. Your wife should not all be at your call 24/7 when ever you feel like you are donw playing video games and want a kiss. HAVE YOU stopped to think maybe she is tired and could just use a helping hand with the new baby? I BET YOU 1 million dollars you have not ONCE since that baby was born brought her flowers. REMEMBER just because she is your wife. She is a mother and a human to. so stop being SO shelsifh and get the **** off the internet asking stupid questions from strangers and go clean the kitchen and make your wife a nice dinner

Answer 4

Hi Timothy!! Sorry bout that first answer, what a jerk off!!! Huh? Anyway, your wife sounds alot like me, and thats sad, as i was reading your question, i started noticing alot of the same things that she does, i do..... how long have ya'll been together, and what age? i ask myself this all the time, was i too young? i was 20 when i had my daughter, and in that same year i was married, so yeah, you can put 2 and 2 together........now i'm 25, and i have alot running thru my head. i feel resentful because i never had a life, and i cant change that now. Anyway, my husband in the past 3 years of our marriage, has not been very good to me, the last time was the worst by far, and hes promised since then, that he will change, and i agree, he's doin ALOT better, but my hearts not into as much, as it once was. He too left for a week, and he came back, it was strange cause in that week, i was at peace, with everything. i can tell you this, i dont kiss either when were having sex, its not because i'm fantasizing about anyone else either, if i was it would be myself, cause thats the only person i want. no men. kissing to me is very intimate, it sounds like that is gone in your realationship too. i know that its wrong, how we do you guys sometimes, but if we didn't get "skeeted" on so much, we probably wouldn't be this way. sounds to me, like ya'll need to have a sit-down, and talk. thank goodness there aint children involved, it would make it so much harder. trust me!! well, timothy, good luck!!!

Answer 5

If she has feelings for another man, then she is going through a tormented time. Being with you reminds her that she is married to you and she can't be with the other guy. She obviously loves you and can't handle being away from you. She is just reminded of the turmoil she is going through when you are being intimate with her. I don't know what you can do about this short of giving her space. Sometimes people don't know what they have until it's gone. Proven by the fact that things get better when you leave and come back. Maybe if you move out for a good while, don't have any physical contact with her until she gets this guy out of her system it will work, just talk with her on the telephone sometimes. This is what i would do if my marriage were in the state that yours is in. I would do it to win back his respect (I have a husband) and I would do it for my own sanity. This has got to be torture for you.

Answer 6

Your wife still loves you she is waiting for that spark to come back it's up to you to bring it back. When did you stop making her the most important person in your life think about it now before you say she has always been the most important person in your life. The very first day you say I do something in the man changes he stops the little things like a phone call just to talk a little and say i love you or the kisses for know reason or the good-by kiss in the morning or the drives to know where or the walks in the park are you getting my meaning here. When was the last time you two spent the weekend at a beach or just a weekend at a hotel laying in bed talking laughing. It's the little things that we love.

Answer 7

life IS MUCH SIMPLER THAN ALL THIS.YOU FEEL THE TRUTH IN YOUR HEART BUT COULD NOT Bare THE TRUTH THAT your heart feels.
love is nothing we can touch it is a feeling that you can not force anyone to feel .It is either there or not.
I relay am so sorry for the pain you are going through.I have been there ,but you need to move on .DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF .move out give her all the space she needs,you can not live with a body with no soul.Tell her it is a break not a break-up.See what will happen if she cheated then you are better off without her.
Face the truth PEOPLE CHANGE EVEN IF YOU DID NOT ,OR IF YOU WERE THE PERFECT HUSBAND BUT SHE HAS CHANGED/THEN LEAVE WITH DIGNITY

Answer 8

I guess she is unsure of what she wants. She may be interested in someone else, but is not sure if she wants to leave her life with you. That doesnt mean she doesnt love you, its just that she is experiencing new things, and is confused.

About you leaving, you need to ask her that question. Has she asked you to leave? How are things at home, are you arguing all the time? I am afraid its only you who can make that decision.

In any event, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Wow, what kind of a game is she playing with you? If you want to keep the marriage then suggest going to see a marriage counselor. If she doesn't agree then kick her to the curb because she doesn't want the marriage to work. She just wants to keep you on the hook until she finds someone better. In other words it sounds like she is planning on using you, abusing you and then throwing you away.

Answer 10

i got to agree with jd's answer, take the things that are urs and the things u really want and high tail it out of there. after all she has told u that she is interested in someone else, a good trick i learned to do to women that i thought were cheating on me was to put my finger up my anus then sneak it under her nose, yeah get urself a true g/f and enjoy sex and ur life.

Answer 11

she's lost interest mate and it won't be long before your dumped. before you talk to her, remember that it's her doing it to you so take what you can now before she takes it and runs away with it. get the money from your bank account and precious valuables as she's the one being nasty and not truthful to you so why should she get the money and best stuff and run away. it be like she getting rich and rewarded and running for being horrible and you left with nothing and you didin't do anything and got hurt. grab it all now why you have a chance!!!!