In the context of marriage - how many secrets are allowed.
How do you decide where the boundaries are? Who decides? Discuss
2007-09-11 18:52:30 · 8 answers · asked by flip 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hide nothing from my husband. He knows all of my skeletons. Some that he is the only person to know. Some, he and my daughter. If you truly love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, you can not truly make a committment if you have secrets from that person.
2007-09-11 19:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Things from long ago and that have no bearing on the present should be off limits. I think too often
these secrets may be used one against the other to get even, to cause pain or to start a fight.
Secrets in the present are powerful and can cause a lot of trouble. There should be an agreement between
parties that the marriage should be open as possible and that revealed secrets that occur during the marriage should be open for discussion.
If that is not possible, a third party mediator should be available to listen to the secrets and get each pary to discuss them, how they feel about them, and whether it is something that could impacvt on the future. If a secret is a result of an outright lie, I would fear greatly for the
marriage or any relationship requiring intimacy
or where words such as love are bandied about.
The more open, the more chance intimacy has to grow. openness means discussing thngs in the open
that maybe there is fear about. Discussion removes the mystique and fearsomeness of a secret. Some secrets are impossible to hold in and shouldn't be.
Decide in advance what you will talk about and stick with it. If one of the p;artners has to know absolutely everything about the other from birth on, it is an impossible standard. If they insist and drill you, make you fill uncomfortable, or if they are angry they probably are not honest with you and project their own inability to be honest onto you, the idea being that since they are not honest, no one else is honest. Get away from this person.
2007-09-13 12:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by wpepper 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as marriage goes (and even relationships in general), I don't think secrets should really be allowed at all. Unless of course it has to do with surprising your loved one with loving gestures that is. Secrets can be very messy, as well as drama filled. If your loved one suspects something, and you dont really give them a solid, believable good reason for him/her to no longer suspect you of it, thats when he/she might start thinking your hiding something from them. So Id say that as far as boundaries go, if you are hiding a good positive secret that involves your loved one-then thats when you could be more than willing to keep that secret. However if the secret has a negative effect, id tell my loved one right away. The sooner the better too-otherwise itd just be a lingering guilt trip hanging above my head. And as far as who decides-you both should. Together as well...
Tootles!
2007-09-12 20:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the question I ask myself is:
If my spouse found this out from someone else, would they be hurt, embarrassed or angry? If so, tell them. If not, it may be something you keep to yourself.
I know there are some things that I've done that God has sealed. There is no reason to open them up just for the sake of "telling all".
Tell someone something if it will build them up or prepare them for something, not just for the sake of telling.
If you hate your spouse's shirt, do you have to tell them?
2007-09-11 19:04:28 · answer #4 · answered by QueenBeeFee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had nothing to hide when I got married. Except the number of guys I'd slept with. No one will ever know that number :)
Don't ask/don't tell
2007-09-11 18:58:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally true. There should be NO secrets between a husband and wife.
2007-09-12 02:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hide nothing....if your married, this should be you very best friend in the world, your life partner. you help each other, share thoughts and feelings ...it's hard when one or the other wont be there for you, and gets mad over silly things (or not silly things) but if both learn to be there as friends and lovers... you wont need to hide anything! ;)
hey- I have a question I've asked, would you go to my profile and answer for me? thanks!
2007-09-11 19:01:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was honest up front about everything but my husband wasn't, go figure.
2007-09-11 19:16:08 · answer #8 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋