He married me knowing I have two teenagers... He has no kids of his own. He ignores them, complains constantly about little things that they do and doesn't make an effort to have a relationship with them. It's come down to snide remarks about them whenever he gets the chance, and I'm getting REALLY tired of it! Every time he complains about them, it pushes me farther away... I feel that he should not have married me if he's not going to at least try to like them. He's 45 and behaves like he's 13... Definitely NOT the man I married!! Oh, and the kids are good kids. One is 18 and respects him as a stepdad, and he still gets the passive agressive attitude.. I never would have married him if I had known it would be like this... Is it over??
2007-09-11 18:36:25 · 24 answers · asked by A W 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He treated the kids very good b4 we were married.. wanting to buy them things and take them out to dinner with us.. I HAVE talked to him about this problem, and he just says "I've learned that those kids trump me every time and I have to live with that" but he's not living with it very well, and it's not even the truth, for that matter... the 18 yr old is hardley ever around... the other one is 15. Extreme jealousy comes to mind... can't stand it anymore!!
2007-09-11 19:52:42 · update #1
i know this through experience, it's never going to work, you're right you should have never married him. men can be so mean. and your children are yours you need to protect them and be there for them and if he can't understand that then he needs to go. i feel for you and it's not easy knowing that the man you love hates your children, and it's not fare to the kids. they didn't ask for it. and none of you deserve it either. so you need to tell him to grow up or get out. it only hurts for alittle while. another man with come along and love you and your children. so be strong and stand up for you and your children. in the end you will just grow to hate him anyway. it's not worth it. best of luck to you.
2007-09-11 18:50:43 · answer #1 · answered by tabatha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now that you are married, you have to express to him that your kids are not going anywhere and will forever be a big part of your life. I am pretty sure the 18 year old is rarely home anyway. Your new husband needs to try and make an effort to get along with your kids because he knew they would be around when he married you. You have to also have your kids respect him as an adult. He is not accustumed to dealing with children, non the less, teenagers. Brief him on your children. Tell him what their likes and dislikes are. Remind him that he was once a teenager and that things haven't changed that much. The teenagers grow up and will not be living in the house forever. You should not have to choose between him or your children. He should have chose to marry a woman with or without children and accepted responsibilty for his choices. He is 45 and set in his ways. You may have some major decisions to make, but first , put forth a little effort and let him know that his behavior is tearing you apart and that you two need to come to a resolution before the problems destroy your marriage. If you get something worked out, then you need to sit your children down and let them know what changes are to be made. Good Luck.
2007-09-11 19:04:49 · answer #2 · answered by flirty30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it a problem, because they don't care for children? It seems an odd reason to me, your husband is an adult and if he enjoys their company and being part of the club you should be happy he has something that he enjoys in his life beyond you and your family. I think this is more about him spending time away from you and your son. You first suggested that he was spending his only day off weekly with them, then later stated it was once or twice a month. I could understand you having a problem with a weekly trip or even the bi-monthly thing, but to have it be about their chosen lifestyles seems awfully controlling to me. Let the man have a day to himself, doing something that he enjoys, if you can find a way to do without it becoming an issue between the two of you it acts as a good release for him and helps keep him healthy. What if he decided that he didn't like your friends or you going out and doing the things you like to do (shopping, salons, gym, classes, etc)? Would that make your life better or worse? Everyone needs a little escape once a week (or every few weeks) from family obligations. Think not of the people he's with, but rather the fact that he's enjoying himself and releasing some of his stress, coming back to you and your son a better husband and father. Good luck.
2016-05-17 13:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What a tool! Your kids come first, is all I can say. I have a 16 year old son and he and my boyfriend do not get along at all...I love them both, but my son comes first, and I won't live with my boyfriend or marry him until he makes amends with my son. I think there is always a jealousy factor involved in things like this. I would suggest you go to family counseling if you want to save the marriage...good luck hon!
2007-09-11 18:45:26 · answer #4 · answered by ViSaja 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He IS getting a passive aggressive attitude.
I wouldn't say it's over till' it's over.
I would take the time you would spend on here asking questions, and take him out on a quiet evening alone where you can talk to him one-on-one about your feelings, without the kids in the picture.
They're KIDS you're talking about, not PETS. He needs to respect your kids, talk to your kids, love your kids, and be thankful that you had healthy kids and that he can be a part of your amazing future together.
2007-09-11 18:42:25 · answer #5 · answered by Chris Clayton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read some of the other answers, some have good points... others...well,...
Have you tried to set everyone down for a talk? not just one on one, ... let everyone express there feelings on the subjects at hand and the emotions that are running.
It would be un-fair to say divorce,
You married him did you not?
Did you marry because you loved him, or was it because you were lonely?
Do you want your family to get along or do you want to continue to be the mediator? These are questions you have to ask yourself.
Your children are a part of you... if they are hurt you are hurt,
If your new husband does not love your children.....
2007-09-11 22:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by BlackWidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How'd he treat them before you got married? If it was good, then I'd call him on it - if it wasn't so good, then you shudda known better than to think it would change. What does he say when you discuss this with him? Have you discussed this with him? And, what was HE thinking?
If I were you, I'd be thinking of a separation until the 13 yo turns 18 because at 13, they're still very impressionable - you only get one shot at parenting (each child).
2007-09-11 18:45:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is easy ,you sit down and talk with him and bringing down on the table everything. Don't be afraid to tell him what you don't like regarding your kids.Remember" always" there your blood, Husband could be anybody but not your kids and if he doesn't change well tell him it's bye/bye time.Besides you don't need this kind of person next to you,What you really need is a real man to take care of you and your kids, to love you guy's and things will be very different ,I got fate in you girl.
2007-09-11 19:12:36 · answer #8 · answered by Gilberto c 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have a family meeting and lay your cards on the table. Allow your kids to participate too. Don't throw away your marriage. Remember your kids are getting older and will leave home soon.
2007-09-11 18:43:54 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its over when you say it is. why would you allow this man to continue to disrespect your kids and they are doing nothing to provoke this behavior from him. you need to tell him that they are your kids, they were here when he got here and they will be when he leaves. ask him exactly what is the problem that he has with them. if they are not legit tell his behind to shut up about your babies or he can leave. you kids dont deserve this and neither do you. dont allow him to continue another day with this non sense. his behavior is effecting you kids in every way mentally, emotionally, physically. stop this mess NOW. GodBless
2007-09-11 18:48:58 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋