Here is my poem:
A roaring river cuts through the land,
The river thins down at the bend,
the bend where I would play as a child,
And where now I stop to rest awhile
Beside the river is an old willow tree,
It’s very presence comforts me,
For this is the same willow that cried amity,
On the day that we all lost hope.
This willow knows of great, great sorrow,
Of war that would come perhaps tomorrow,
Of stories untold and heroes unsung,
Knows much does this willow by water that runs.
Amity, amity, it sang in dark times,
Friendship, it called to a world torn with strife,
Peace, it asked of two nations at war,
Amity it called, to the heroes of lore.
The war had torn us all apart,
Had emptied our minds, clouded our hearts,
Wartime strategies were all that we knew,
Till the willow cried amity and hope of light grew.
And now as I sit in the willows embrace,
I know vengeance is gone, I am safe, I am safe.
Thank you!
(Poem Copyright 2007. All rights reserved)
2007-09-11 16:01:43 · 8 answers · asked by Girl In Green 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
That is really good. The rhyming was almost distracting a couple of times - "tree" and "me - "sorrow" and "tomorrow" - but mostly the flow of the words and more importantly the flow of ideas, really kept the poem moving. There was a nice sense of how the poem built. It's lyrical, if you know what I mean.
And it ended. What I mean is that some poems just seem to wander and stop. You actually ended the thoughts and the pace in the just the right place.
I liked it.
2007-09-11 16:12:42 · answer #1 · answered by The Babe is Armed! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...
I like...
It reminds me of a story my teacher told us about when she went back to Vietnam after the war.
It really is sad...
But it is an amazing poem.
2007-09-12 00:34:46 · answer #2 · answered by cursedtocry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad at all.
My personal preference is for more rhyme, but you've done a good job.
Doc
2007-09-11 23:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by Doc Hudson 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from seperation through sorrow and anger to acceptance, nice person you!
2007-09-12 01:23:01 · answer #4 · answered by lab90210 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did a good job.I like it.
2007-09-16 15:38:09 · answer #5 · answered by michelle v 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the word play is special........... very affective and.....animated......... I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing.......
2007-09-12 01:07:18 · answer #6 · answered by marvinlcarey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust me, submit this to poetry.com......enjoy
2007-09-13 20:12:22 · answer #7 · answered by Xiana 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
VERY GOOD.
Love it! :):)
2007-09-11 23:12:14 · answer #8 · answered by Madeline 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋