I have been going out with this girl for about 10 months now, and last night i find out that she has been lying to me about who she is and what she does for a job entirely. she is very pretty and young.compared to me that i am older and divorced. she told me she is french-japanese, and working in finance. but last night i accidently bump into her email find out that she is chinese and university student. i really loved this girl and she really loved me. even my parents really liked her. she explain the reason she lying to me is worry that her nationality and being a student wont make us a chance to be together. the love we had for each other was reality. my parents ask me to kick her out, but i dont know if i should forgive her this time?
2007-09-11 15:59:57 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I say give her another chance, if lying becomes a pattern then you know what to do. (It wasn't that bad)
Your parents sound a little harsh, follow your heart on this one.
2007-09-19 05:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by rainydaze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with forgiving her. The problem you face is whether you will be able to trust her any more.
Do you believe her reason? Do you think there could be anything else she's lying about? Had anyone ever expressed concerns about her being Chinese instead of Japanese-French, and at university instead of working? Is there something in her culture that would make these things about her seem undesirable? If not... she's possibly just started with a lie and then didn't know how to unravel it once things got serious.
Don't worry here about what your parents want (kick her out? Is she living with you?). Worry about what YOU want, what you think, and what you feel you can deal with in the future.
But bear in mind you spoke of your love in the PAST tense... I don't know if that's from problems with English (I don't think it's your first language?), or if you meant it-- but if you meant it you may have answered your real question-- not do you forgive her, because you can decide to do that regardless of your next step-- but can you continue to be with her.
Good luck.
2007-09-19 00:35:13 · answer #2 · answered by LJG 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we should burn her at the stake. For petes sake people are you going to tell me you have never fibbed to your spouse or boyfriend. How many women tell their husband that they are a size 10 when they are a size 14. How many times have you stopped at a girlfriends house and didn't make it home on time then tell the hubby "Oh I had to work late" cause you know he is uneasy about that relationship. Or guys..how many times have you told your wife "Sure baby you look great in those jeans" when actually your waiting for the "blowout" or Yes, your hair looks wonderful" when it actually looks like she went wild with the clippers or and egg beater.
Yes she lied about her nationality but you have to know both of these cultures to understand why. She was truly afraid that it would interfere with the relationship. And since he is older I can understand her fear about him feeling she is too young and immature.
Since it was between the two of you and it was personal I dont feel it was appropriate to have told your parents. You should have approched her with it and once you had it worked out she should have broached the subject with them and explained herself.
It is your decision but remember you must live with what you decide. By using the past tense of "I loved her" it seems as though you have made that decision..if so.. move on but I hope someday you don't find it necessary to fib to spare grief or feelings... cause it will bite you in the butt.
2007-09-19 15:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by GramsMel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like everyone else has said, if you like her, you should give her another chance, but yes there's always a but in there if you feel that you can't because of her lying you don't really know if that's the only thing she's lied about think what your mind not with your heart on your sleeve. Good luck.
2007-09-18 09:59:10 · answer #4 · answered by hellkinkydragon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you talk, it sounds like you don't love her anymore. You talk in a pass tense format like "loved her". Dude, maybe you answered your own question. I don't think you should judge her on the nationality or school issue. Forgive but not forget. At least not yet and see if the relationship gets better now everything is out in the open and nothing to hide. Just think it could have been worse. Good luck
2007-09-11 16:09:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
why would her nationality keep you apart? or her being a student? Not sure what she means by that. Anyways, there is a trust issue going on here. She's lying to you, and your going through her email?? That's really not cool i'm sorry to be so blunt. You should sit down and have a nice heart to heart talk and if you two really want to be together the lying and the spying has to stop. There needs to be trust, that will not exist with all of that stuff going on...........
2007-09-11 16:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by sillygirl 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Do what your heart tells you to do. And, you don't owe an explanation to anyone about your decision. Why did your parents even know about this? Keep your personal life just that, personal. How do you accidentally bump into someones email? Are you sure you didn't already have doubts?
2007-09-19 11:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by S J Hill 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say keep her and have her enroll you in college as well, because you need to take some English and writing classes. And if you are old enough to be divorced why the hell are your parents telling you who should live with you? Unless you still live with them and then I would say tell them to kick her out .
2007-09-19 11:45:32 · answer #8 · answered by jbanks5555 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She made a common relationship mistake. She let the fear of losing her love push her into making a bad decision. She was only doing it because she really wants to be with you and was afraid. Of course you should forgive her and make it clear to her that you love her no matter what nationality she is or what she does for a living. Reassure her. That's what you need to do.
2007-09-11 16:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by B. Nowlin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
does it matter that she is chinese or a student? or is the issue a trust issue. if it matters to you what she does or who she is. let her go. if it is trust. then trust can be rebuilt. but of course i would ask her directly if there is anything thing else she lied about. hopefully she will tell you everything. if you find another lie even small . let her go. life is too short to spend with a liar.
2007-09-19 11:27:40 · answer #10 · answered by phantom43 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lying is never okay. If she's lying about something like this, she's lying about other things too.
Go find an honest woman and you won't end up divorced again!
2007-09-19 08:44:35 · answer #11 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋