she tells everyone, that she hates me because I made her dad leave. she also tells me that I am mean, and she loves her daddy more, and will I be nice to her dad so she can live with him???
2007-09-11 15:40:52 · 23 answers · asked by scared mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't sweat it,it'll pass. She has no clue what she's saying. My ex always told my kids to hate me and to not listen to me,my kids are in their 20's now and they can't stand HIM. Everything has a way of working itself out and the more you stress over it,the worse it gets. Chill.
2007-09-11 15:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Terri R 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Using children as an expendable pawn during a divorce is the most abominable thing any parent can do to their child...and yet it happens every day. Your husband wishes to attack you with his own child being the messenger. You cannot stop him but you can try to stay as far away from him as possible during this time. It may also be a good idea to seek the aid of a counsellor for your own sanity. This is hopefully something you can share there and have some good advice on how to handle it forthcoming.
Above all, do not take this personally! He is playing a dangerous game with the mind of a 3 year old but he will lose in the end. Let us pray she doesn't! Thank God you got rid of this vermin.
2007-09-11 22:53:01 · answer #2 · answered by Chris B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The idea that a grown man would talk to a 3 year old this way is appalling; or a child of any age for that matter. Are you really concerned that he will do this? If you see a change in your 3 year old's attitude towards you, then I would take him to court and seek full custody, or at least supervised visatations...but this would be a hard thing to prove. So, best wishes to you and I am so sorry about your divorce. I am also divorced and it is a very painful thing to go through for the entire family.
2007-09-11 22:49:41 · answer #3 · answered by ceegt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cant stop him only a judge can, u need to call ur lawyer and tell them whats going on and to ask for a child addilitem to be put in place, supervised visitations, and for your soon to be x husband to take parenting classes as well.. this is emotional abuse to your child.. , if that didnt work then id with hold visitation until a judge orders u to give him visitation, at 3 years of age, out of sight out of mind.. although she'll miss her daddy being away from his negative influence will help in forgetting the things to say, also dont react to the things she says in front of her.. just like when a child says a cuss word for the first time, if they get a response out of u, they will keep saying it to keep getting that response.. so just pretend u didnt hear anything and she'll eventually stop saying it.. I'd probably even go as far as sending a formal letter to my x explaining that do to the fact that he is intentionally trying to harm ur child by trying to put her in the middle that until a judge says otherwise u may only see her with you present or someone else present in your place perhaps at a park for a couple hours.. and that if he trys to continue to put her in the middle then u will revoke all visitation until a judge can sort this out..
AND DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-11 23:29:23 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that it isn't true that you still love her daddy but in a different way now! Plus, try not to talk bad about her Daddy in front or near her!! In due time, she will come to her senses. I'm divorce for about 6 yrs and the ex still lies and tell my kids different things and I just bite my tongue. My son who is now 14yrs is starting to figure out the truth about his Dad on his own terms. Now, my twins girls will have to do the same! It is the hardest thing to do, too! Good luck!
2007-09-11 22:50:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really all u can do is tell her that you love her and that you didnt make her daddy leave. Parents will do just about anything to get the kid to like them more... its crazy. Hopefully when the divorce is over and things settle down the two of you can start to get along with each other for the sake of the child.
2007-09-11 22:48:48 · answer #6 · answered by beanodom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Three things could help.
1st - Let the child work it out in play therapy. Young children often blame the parent they live with the most, which is usually the mother. Children assume mothers take care of everyone and everything, so they become angry that mom can't fix this one. A child assumes that mom could fix it, if she just 'loved me enough', so since she's not fixing it, I will just love dad more.
2nd - Read the book - Joint Custody with a Jerk..Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex by Julie A. Ross
ISBN - 0-312-14113-0
3rd. -If at all possible, see a counselor with the Ex. around this behavior. Children speak what they hear, and then model it later. Remember you know your ex. as well as he knows himself. What string could you pull to get him to join you for counseling around the best interests of the child?
Good luck!
Karin
2007-09-11 23:12:43 · answer #7 · answered by Karin - An E.L.L.Teacher 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well your daughter is 3 years old, umm she really has no idea what is actually going on, only that your husband is filling her head with alot of nonsense. He is very immature actually for even telling your daughter those things cause what kind of parenting is that? Your daughter doesnt know what the difference is with custody and the best solution you can do is bring her to a consuelor with your ex husband present to work this out and definitely bring it up in court cause this is a foul move for an adult
2007-09-11 22:46:26 · answer #8 · answered by Jersey Sweetheart 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your husband that he failed to keep a good woman(that is you) in a committed marriage. And now is demonstrating his incompetence and inability to comprehend life changing situations. Tell him and this would make a lesser man more mad, that if he couldn't over come his weaknesses, now he is stooping that low to corrupt a child(who at this age are no less than angels and absolutely impressionable) to mouth his thoughts and words. Even animals don not teach their offsering wrong moves so that they fail, he is training his child to be a misfit in this society as he seems to be.
Your decision to stay away from this person seems to be more correct. Tell him its over and stop harming his life further more by corrupting a child. What does he think that such teachings would not come back one day and bite him in the back. May be your husband could not deal with the blow and is devastated himself but using children as weapons to harm partners is not excusable
2007-09-11 22:54:06 · answer #9 · answered by adjd j 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your husband is telling her these things, let your attorney know. He will let your husbands' attorney know and it will put hiim on notice.
When you're daughter starts talking like that, just tell her that you love her and that it's not a nice thing to say.
You could also get her into some sort of child counseling.
2007-09-11 22:48:55 · answer #10 · answered by Wendy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
are you sure that he's telling her that? she may just be interpreting what she's seen through her 3-year-old perspective: mommy and daddy fight, daddy leaves the house, mommy must have made him leave.
if he is telling her that, tell your lawyer. in many states, badmouthing the other parent in front of the child can be estopped by a court order. it doesn't always work, but you can try.
2007-09-11 22:46:28 · answer #11 · answered by jealous elf 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋