How do I cope with this?

Question

Since I was little, my parents always put me down, underestimating me, and thus ruining my self-esteem. when I was little, I never had self confidence, thus I was always very shy and unable to speak up. But recently, it has gotten a LOT worse---I'm 16 now. Whenever I am in school, I feel like something is wrong with me, and I'm not good enough for others or that people are judging me. I always feel like I am being watched, and I can't even speak up in class. I think my grades are even dropping because of low self esteem. What do I do?

When I was little my parents had always said things like, "Maybe you're not as 'bright' as some people, but you might be able to succeed." Statements like these just made me stop trying thinking I would never succeed. My parents aren't bad--they can be very supportive in times of crisis, but they always underestimate me. How can I change my attitude?

Answer 1

Words can be so damaging. You must not absorb these words by your parents and take them to heart. You are an individual, with dignity and intelligence. No one can take these qualities away from you. I can tell from the way you write and the topic, that your are very bright.

Be strong. Start today, right now, in believing in yourself. Before you know it, you will be out on your own. Don't take the negative baggage of your parents words with you. Have faith and trust yourself always.

When you change your thinking, you will be able to succeed and no longer feel people are judging you. You will be able to participate freely in your schooling and in life.

Answer 2

Just try your best in school. Join sports, join clubs, volunteer, whatever you're interested in, go find a supporting group that shares the same interests as you. You'll be forced to talk and associate with others, and your self esteem won't be so low anymore.Be happy and smile. Look in the mirror and say "good morning, gorgeous!" each day you wake up. Truth is, you're always going to get put down some time in life, but I'm sorry it's your parents who are putting you down. Maybe you can try talking to them about this ? Don't let their statements make you think you can't succeed. Cheers (:

Answer 3

i had the same problem - today you could almost call me arrogant, because i am so self-confident that it takes quite a lot to doubt my opinion. not because i can't take criticism, but because i always think twice before judging others and framing my own picture of a situation.

that is the point to start. you need to learn how to distinguish between constructive criticism and merely subjective opinions. if your parents think you are wrong or not smart, is the plain statement enough to proof the fact? surely not.
there is no right or wrong, unless it is proven by a majority. if your grades have been high, that is the best proof that you are indeed smart.

"never let the things you are bad at influence how you feel about the things you are good at"

self-esteem can be build up by remembering your achievements of the past, by sticking to people who like you / make you feel loved and by always trying out new things and taking on new challenges.
if you succeed, you know you must have done something right. if you fail, well..."never try, never know"...learn from your mistakes instead of dwelling upon the misfortune - and try again!
enjoy what you do! after all, live is about having fun and sharing love, not about judgement or intelligence.

most of all, try to realize that your parents have no intention in making you feel bad on purpose, neither does anyone have the intention of watching you. it is important that you keep your mind from entertaining the thought of being on stage all the time. as humans, we are supposed to make mistakes, as your parents do and all your classmates, too. but you only need to feel bad about them when you don't see them as chances to learn and grow. maybe not as a teen, but surely soon enough you will find out that you are the only one who is responsible if you feel happy or sad, loved or hated. that is to say, basically, you decide how you want to feel.

"no one can make you feel inferior without your permission"
(eleanor roosevelt)

Answer 4

You need to get angry at your parents! I believe you already are, however your afraid to be self assured enough to voice it! You are correct, they are demeaning whether they intend to be or not and they are driving you into deep submission of the self, a death of spirit in you. Don't be rude but confront the issue, tell them their lack of confidence in you and their equal lack of support in your endeavors is destroying the esteem God intends for you to generate! How could someone sing with a gag on their mouth, they have done this to you! Tell them now and stand up for yourself, they aren't going to! Be respectful but truthful, you are worthy and beautiful and don't deserve the millstone they have placed on your neck to lug around with you and feel that everyone else sees as well. End it now or at 45 you will feel intimidated while shopping at the grocery and want to run home! Believe it!

Answer 5

get counsiling