My ex wife continually asks me for money above what I pay for child support which is deducted from my paycheck

Question

I also pay for 2 kids cell phone bills and clothes as well as whatever else I can afford. A perfect example was that my ex did not send my son with all of his Little League equipment so I went out and bought it the day before which is fine with me.We seem to get along better lately and I want to continue things that way for the kids sake. How can I tell her diplomatically that I do not have to give her money directly except what is required and that I will buy them the extras that they need when I can afford it.

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you're being fair. Just say no because you don't have it. What arguement can she have to that?

Answer 2

Kudos and all my respect to you for being a responsible father -- there's not enough guys like you who do the right thing! I think it does sound like your ex is taking advantage of your generosity. I'm glad that you're interested in keeping the peace but I understand your need to draw a line in the sand somewhere. The only thing that you can do is request to meet with her privately (without the kids present), so that you can explain pretty much what you have said here. Let her know that she needs to be more careful with the money that she receives in support for the kids, because while you don't mind purchasing things for them over and above the support, there is a limit on how much you can afford to spend. Perhaps you could suggest that if the kids need additional things that are not covered by the support she receives, you need to sit down and figure out a way for both of you to contribute half to the 'extras'. There may even be times when your children will have to be told that you and your ex simply cannot afford some of the luxury items they may desire. Since your kids already have cell phones, I'm going to assume they are not babies so perhaps your children will have to start thinking about doing some work to pay for some of their 'extras'. Perhaps they could rake leaves or do other odd jobs in their neighborhood to earn some spending money of their own. Not a bad thing for you and your ex to begin to teach them! I hope you'll be able to take this to the next level with your ex so that you don't begin to feel resentful. Be honest, direct, and firm with her -- don't be accusatory or scold her. The tone of your question is wonderful -- keep that state of mind and tell her you want to continue to get along well for the sake of your children! After all, your children will hold the two of you together for a very long time - there will be events that you will both want to attend and many milestones in your children's lives that will be more pleasurable if the two of you remain mature adults. Best of luck to you -- ask the Lord to help you find the right words to be peaceful!

Answer 3

You are very smart to keep a good relationship with your ex for the sake of your kids. And you are a loving father to pay for the extras they need. Many men do not do this and I think they suffer in the end as their kids know they do not mean a lot to their dad when the father is cheap with them. The child support payments are never enough because, as you know, it takes a larger home and higher electric and water bill when you have kids in the house. And kids are always needing things for school and sports and camp and so forth. The next time your ex asks you for extra money, tell her exactly what you've told us. Say: "Laura, I send you a support check every month as required by law. I will be happy to buy some of the extras the kids need, but I want to do that on my own when I'm with the kids, so just let me know what they need and I'll pick the things up as I can afford it. I have to watch my budget, too." If she gives you a hard time, tell her that you are disappointed she doesn't understand that the divorce was financially difficult for you, too, so you hope she'll be less judgmental. (You can also always tell her that if she finds it too difficult to manage, you will be happy to take physical custody of the kids and she can be the visiting parent and pay child support.)

Answer 4

well sounds like to me she is using the kids to get more money from you . if you pay child support you dont have to give her anything else if you want to buy the kids stuff you take them get it but (i hate to say this ) make sure she cant take it back and get the money. you are paying more than your fair share cell phones, clothes see the clothes and all is to come from the child support you give her. only way is to say im sorry but i cant afford to give you any extra money. she should have to pay for some of the extras to. p.s. glad to here there are some good dad's out there.

Answer 5

Try this:

" I do not have to give her[you] money directly except what is required and that I will buy them the extras that they need when I can afford it."

Sounds like a winner to me!

Answer 6

Say it just how you said it on here in the question. Be direct without emotion. I am a wife, with a child, and I can tell you it will not make her happy no matter what anyway. Its never an easy subject when kids are involved and it becomes very emotional. Can we ever have enough $ for our kids?? It sucks but it is reality.

Answer 7

Just like you did in your last sentence, you do not have a problem helping your kids and such but you can not always give and give, there is an end and you need to live as well. You don't want to make a big deal about it but just need her to understand that you want to be there and help out but can not always pay for all the extras.

Answer 8

You just tell her the way you just said it...."I do not have to give you money directly except what is required and that I will buy them the extras that they need when I can afford it." Simple as that....no other explanation needed.

Answer 9

i would just let her know that if the kids need something extra then you will buy it for them and not give her extra money no more its great to know their are still good men out their that takes care of their children so high 5 on that and she should understand when you tell her that my goodness youre doing alot for the kids already and most father dont so she should be proud of that they have a great dad like that ! good luck and happiness in life

Answer 10

I think you should tell her that you undestand that the child support may not be sufficient to buy the kids everything they need and want and that you will do your best to help when you can...but that you are not able to help her with extras every month. It is also true that she will do these things on purpose (sent the kids without proper clothing, gear, shoes etc...)so that you will be forced to do these things and it is truely not fair to you. So be aware of patterns and confront her on them. Good Luck.

Answer 11

You are not obligated to pay more than what the court appointed you to pay out of your check. If she needs more money she needs to get a better job and take control of her life. She knows you love your kids and is useing that to bleed you dry. When she calls to beg tell her you don't have it. I know you worry about them but tell her when you deem it affordable you will give extra when you see fit not when she begs.