What do you think about "What makes a marriage work"?

Question

My husband believes that you don't need to spend time to gether to make a marriage work. He says he is to busy to care what I thinkl or what I feel. Because I believe that it will never work if you don't spend time together and that you are NEVER to busy to make a little time for your family IF YOU WANT TO AND IF YOU WANT IT TO WORK. He believes I am being to needy. What do you think. I believe he no longer loves me and that is why he no longer cares how I feel and stays as busy as he can.

Answer 1

I have been married for 21 years, and we are quite happy together, so I imagine we must be doing something right. We spend a lot of time together. I enjoy listening to what she has to say, and vice versa. We support each other emotionally. Our communication is good -- it has improved markedly over the years due to conscientous effort on both our parts.

Just today, we arranged to go on a date to a movie tomorrow evening alone; our 14 and 9-year olds are big enough to leave by themselves for a few hours. Before the movie we'll have an appetizer of some sort and drinks at a nearby restaurant and spend some time talking. After the movie, we'll undoubtedly discuss it on the way home. When we get home, we'll talk even more and probably have sex before we go to sleep.

I am a firm believer that spending time together (not ALL the time, for sure, but quite a bit) is important to a successful marriage.

Answer 2

I believe your husband is self-centered. If he is "too busy" to spend quality time with you, then his priorities are definitely out of order. But you also need to step back and take a look at your behavior...is there something you need to change? How do you talk to him? Do you nag, or do you show him love and respect? It's a two way street.

My husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary this year. We have things we do together, and we have separate interests too. Most of the time we vacation together, but we've also taken long weekend trips alone. (Me - to visit my sister in FL, he's gone camping with his buddies) When two people are married, they become one....it's the "Becoming" that takes work, because each one has to be willing to make sacrifices for the other. You don't get married to simply "co-exist" (My hubby & I have had those times too over the years...then we realize our priorities are out of sorts and we do what it takes to get them in order again.) If your husband won't even spend quality time with you, it's not likely you'd be able to talk him into going to a counselor with you. If he truly doesn't care and won't make an effort, maybe it's time to re-think YOUR priorities...???

Answer 3

Hi im sorry to hear that get some counceling for you.youll get plenty of help with this.Cumunication and understanding,love is what keeps it together & GOD.and if he doesnt love you then with time youll see more changes from him then its time to pack and leave him your 2 good 4 him.Take care of you "you deserve so much better its his los 4 sure.And if he leaves dont ever ask or beg him back.Youll get threw it and youll be fine stay busy and find new friends that can help, be strong seek help from a church they are always willing to help out and be there for you always. And we are always here for you 2 your not alone.Have a great day cheer up sweetie there is some one out there for you that will give you everything youll need stay strong no more tears your to pretty and smart and life has something special for you so do what your heart tells you to do and also take good advice i dont know you but your in my prayers god bless love you!!

Answer 4

Well I feel that ofcourse you need to make time for your family especially your wife and listen to her concerns. Marriage takes a lot of communication and compromise and if he's not careful in giving these very important aspects in marriage he will eventually lose you. I'm sorry you're going through this I hope it works out, you may even want to consider some marriage counseling, if he's willing that is.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to this but you may very well be right. in order to make it work you need a lot of different things which includes that togetherness, communication, sex, fun. That person is your number one companion, your best friend. If he's not willing to put forth the effort then neither should you, it's a two way road. I think it's time for you to make some tough decisions.

Answer 6

The best way to get his attention is to ignore him. Do whatever you need to do in your normal routine. Don't ask too much or check on him by calling from time to time. Enjoy your time alone, show that you don't need him to be there all the time, that you can be independent. Go out with your friends, get a job or a part-time job. Or work from home. Make your own money and BE SUCCESSFUL. Then you will not only get attention from him but from other men.

Answer 7

It doesnt' sound like time apart is your biggest issue here. It sounds like the issue is he doesn't care what you think or feel. Marriages can work when you spend a lot of time apart as long as you have at least some time together and it's time well spent.
If he doesnt' respect you enough to care what you think or feel it doesn't sound like he wants a marriage. Sounds like he wants a maid.

Answer 8

A marriage can work in all different conditions, as long as they are favorable to both partners. You need to compromise, instead of assuming that he alone needs to change. I think you have insecurity issues, if your immediate response is" he doesn't love me anymore". Just because you don't know the reason for something, doesn't mean there is none. How you are trying to communicate is essential to the success. If you come across as nagging, it will get you nowhere.

Answer 9

u r soo right he cant be that busy 4 his own family!! and yes u do need to spend time together to make a marriage work!! that way u can make each other happy. and if he doesnt want that then i dont think he wants to be w/ u

Answer 10

I just Read a great book called The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. We all express love differently.
Quality time
Words of affirmation
acts of service
touch
gifts
We all have a primary love language and if we do not get our "love tank" filled in that particular language then we do not "feel" loved even though we may know we are loved. It is well worth ready. it is not long and is an easy read. Maybe if you find out what your husbands love language is and start filling his tank he will return love in yours.