Our daughter is 7 weeks old and I'm currently working on a divorce. At this age, how should I propose visitation? I want to give him his fair share of course, but I worry about her since she is so little. She is both breast-fed and bottle fed, so feeding isn't an issue. He has two other children from a previous relationship (7 and 8).
Is she too little to stay overnight right now? Should I just allow day visits? I'm not going thru a lawyer as I don't have the spare money. I just would like to know others experiences and how it may affect her. Any ideas?
2007-09-11 08:33:32 · 34 answers · asked by boz4425 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just so everyone knows - he and I are not on good terms. I'm being civil...he is not. He has custody of his other kids but since our daughter has been born he has put those other two kids first. He even left me and her alone the day after she came home to go play on the lake. He's perfectly capable but upset that I will not stay with him. I have been urging him to bond with her and have been the one making the effort for him to see her. But, if he and I disagree on something - he sends us packing. She does need him, but I'm just not sure how it will affect her pyschologically at this age waking up and I'm not there.
2007-09-11 08:49:46 · update #1
If he is a responsible parent he should have equal visitation or as much as he can handle. As for the overnight visits, that all depends on how comfortable he feels taking care of a small infant overnight. Obviously, since you are going through a divorce, you know that it takes a lot to care for an infant by yourself. If the divorce is amicable, talk with him and see how he feels about this. I'm sure since he has two other children from he will want them to get to know their baby sister. Good luck.
2007-09-11 08:42:06 · answer #1 · answered by Lisanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is too small to stay over there all night right now. She needs her mommy and if your breast feeding the nights i bet are when you do it. Let him have every Saturday and sunday every other week. Usually the guy calls and cancels after a while sad but true. Just make it every other weekend and if he wants a day out of his time let him. If he is a good father and loves her it shouldn't be a problem. But the overnight thing I would say not right now.
Ok didn't know other details maybe you should all get counseling. Maybe he just wants those other kids to feel not left out think about that new baby. Think how they must feel. New mom new baby that is with the new mom. Maybe he could use some more bonding with the baby but you could use some more understanding.
2007-09-11 08:38:53 · answer #2 · answered by youcandoit 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should be able to find what guidelines your state uses. Most are separated by ages. If you are not concerned about how she will be taken care of, then visitation should be liberal. You don't say if you are working or returning to work. Maybe you and dad could figure out a schedule where you both get visitation daily while working around each others schedules such as taking to or from the baby sitter. Most states have a department to help women with these issues. Call your local social service agency maybe they can point you in the right direction. Good Luck!
2007-09-11 08:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by Cathy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would assume that your husband can take care of your child. A court will normally give one week night visit 5 til 8 every other weekend time on holidays and summer and christmas vacation so be fair and everything will be fine down the road if you are flexible it is in everyones interests to be fair regarding visitation. Many 2women use children as a weapon not all but a lot do and it is not beneficial to the children involved. A child needs both parents not one! Good luck
2007-09-11 08:40:15 · answer #4 · answered by ken j 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have not mentioned why this separation.
I can only express my views without knowing the
whole story.
I would in this case not let the child stay overnight
away from the mother as with a 7 weeks old baby
it needs the mothers care leave aside the breast
feeding .
I too know this experience however with a different
constellation. I didn't have 2 other children to console
myself.
2007-09-11 08:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Wolly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 weeks is young. If he is competent during night time feedings and WANTS to, let him have as much bonding time as possible. Girls need their fathers. Just talk with him and hopefully you can avoid the mistake most people make in divorce which is that there is not a united child care front. The children are first from now on and you both can make that happen if you try with good communication
2007-09-11 08:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by barthebear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since feeding is not an issue you should let the father bond with his child. He should have some time with her maybe you can talk him in to taking her a few day trips at first then after than move on to overnight trips. I know its hard to be away from your little girl, but unfortunatly he needs to bond with her as well especially at this age its very important.
2007-09-11 08:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by goldenhillsgifts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is sooo little. I guess it would depend. Is he a good father? Did he take care of the other children, when they were that little? How comfortable is he taking care of the baby and would he know what do to if the baby got sick or there were an emergency? Would he have a support system like his mother or sister, available to help and assist him?
I might leave her for the day but not over night. I'd use the breast feeding as an excuse.
2007-09-11 08:38:11 · answer #8 · answered by wondermom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Divorce, Child Support, Custody....... and no lawyer? Boy are you going to get the raw end of the deal on this one!
But, it's your life. So with that said, since your daughter is so young, I would suggest 1 weekend a month from Friday at 6 pm until Sunday at 6 pm.
But without legal counsel, your husband may insist on 1 night per week and every other weekend.
2007-09-11 08:40:23 · answer #9 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definately not overnight. Look up your state guidelines online. I know in my state, overnight visitation doesn't start till age 3. The state provides guidelines for a good reason!! At such a young age I would recommend short visits more frequently. There is free legal advice to people who can't afford it.....I highly recommend finding some. Good Luck!
2007-09-11 08:44:04 · answer #10 · answered by bulldogclover75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋