i love him but...?

Question

i love my boyfriend and i know he loves me. i know he would never cheat on me, hes never lied to me and he treats me like a princess. hes always held his own financially and has showed me nothing love... but he got laid off a while back ago and i feel like ive been supporting him for about six months now.

.he has sincerely tried to get a new job but hasnt yet and it doesnt look as if he will.

i wasnt really worried about it because i make a sufficient amount of money right now for both of us but now my family is pointing it out to me and it is getting kind of frustrating...i love him and i dont want to leave him but im not progressing and its becoming very stressful to have to worry about taking care of him...

Answer 1

Everybody uses the word "Love" to easy for me. Love is an action word. Love means getting up off your butt and taking care of yourself and/or family by doing whatever it takes to bring in some type of income. If someone really "loves" you, then he/she has your back no matter what comes up in life. You have proved that you "love" him by taking care of him for six months; however, that's way to long to take care of a man. He should not want the fruit of your labor. A man wants to take care of himself and others around him but when that starts to change, it's time to change your man. Always remember to be equally yoked and you will go far in life and when you change from that way of thinking, your life just goes down hill from that.

Answer 2

Love is easy when things are going well in life, the true test comes when challenges appear.
If he's held his own financially then he's shown he's capable and not a user. Being laid off was probably quite a blow to his self worth and looking for a new job can be tough on his self esteem. If there's ever a time he needed your support and encouragement, now would be it. What if you sat down together and looked at his options? Rather than say he won't get a new job, you could look at different lines of work for him. perhaps seek help from a careers coach or counsellor and look at new paths. Look at his redundancy as an opportunity to try something new or work somewhere else.
As for your family, they have your best interest at heart and are worried that you're being used, but they don't know your relationship like you do. Surely it's about more than the money for you both. Use the love you both have to talk things through and work it out.
while he's between jobs, what if you both sit down and talk about other ways in which he felt he could contribute to the relationship?
wishing you both love, light and laughter

Answer 3

I was going through the same situation. First of all, it's none of your families dag on business who supports the family. Second of all, if he is sincerely looking for a job and he can't get one, then all you can do is be supportive. He's probably down in the dumps and frustrated as well......and DO NOT try to help him find a job, i made that mistake and it made the situation worse. If he's not a bum, which it doesn't seem like he is, he'll find a job on his own.
Right now it doesn't look like he'll find a job just because it's been a long time, don't worry just be patient. And I believe the only reason you're frustrated is because nothing seems like it's happening and you're getting a little stressed about the whole thing. Just be patient, supportive, and he'll land that job. PATIENCE IS THE KEY. All will be well.

Answer 4

listen; if you love him then you shouldn't be questioning your love to him. the fact that he isn't working is one thing but if you feel that he is just leaning on you then i can understand the questioning. If you don't feel that way and you know he has just not had any luck then why would you worry about what other people would say even if the people talking are your parents. You say it doesn't look as if he will find a job anytime soon, WHY? Is he handicapped?? If not then don't think negatively. Keep yourself in a positive mode.
And as far as making sufficient money, If i were you i would put some away for a rainy day because you may have some rain coming your way if he stays unemployed. You will get tired of seeing him @ home doing nothing everyday and i can GUARANTEE you This situation WILL get on your NERVES! Good Luck and Please keep me informed as to how it's going.

And for the person that wrote that love is an action word is incorrect!! it is a noun!

Answer 5

Has he only looked for a job the same as the one from which he was laid off? Because I'd suggest he's unlikely to find one in your area now, if that particular business or industry is reducing its workforce in one place, it'll be the same in all of them. They won't be taking on new people, they'll be making existing workers redundant, just like your husband.

After 6 months, if he's really been trying to find something, and hasn't just been looking for the same sort of job he had previously, I'd suggest he's still looking in the wrong places. He should consider for the sake of his own motivation and self-respect taking anything that he's capable of doing, whatever it is and however poorly paid, and even part-time if he can't find one that's full time.

It's not good for him to have nothing to get up for in the morning, and the longer he does it, the harder he'll find it until one day, he won't bother. Many people who've lost their job and can't find another for a long time eventually succumb to depression, which destroys their motivation completely.

Tell him how you feel, that you understand how hard he is finding it to secure work, and you know he's tried, but you are also finding it hard because you are feeling the responsibility of being his sole support. Suggest he takes any job that's going as a temporary stop-gap. It'll give him a reason to get up and out in the mornings, something to do during the day, and help him remember what it's like to earn again. It may only pay peanuts, but that doesn't matter to start with. It's getting the job to keep him motivated that's important, and if it does turn out to be part-time, he can use his spare time to continue enquiring after more permanent and more suitable employment.

I wish you all the luck in the world in sorting this out with your husband, and hope for both your sakes it won't be long before he finds work again.

wimsey

Answer 6

Is he sincerely looking for another job? Six months is a long time. If you are starting to feel stressed that's not a good thing. I think you should talk to him about it. Being a guy I wouldn't feel comfortable if my girlfriend was carrying me. I would have do something even if I didn't like it until I could do what I wanted to do. If you really love him and he loves you this should be fairly easy to work out. Good Luck

Answer 7

Your family should support you just as you are supporting him through this rough time and if they aren't tell them to let you hndle your own affairs. You have to live with you choices not them. He neds you more thn ever right now and the fact that he is putting in effort shows that all will be fine if you give him a little more time. Maybe he's looking in the wrong places. Let him know and maybe in your down time the both of you can sit down and find places for him to consider.

Answer 8

You may think you love him but its really with conditions.. and financial conditions really place a hell of a stran on relationships. But what have you done to help him find employement? when you help him you help yourself. But aside from that. I bet he never complained about spending his loot on you.. How selfish can you be. Im sure you will reap the benifits to his fortune when he finds a new gig.. but for now.. chill.. whats the problem. do you make Beer and peanut money or Chips and Dip + a snapple type of loot.. or better yet.. Steak and eggs.. bringing home real Bacon.. you smell me?

Answer 9

Another question was asked "Where are all the John Wayne's"... Sweetheart, if he is sitting on his butt letting you support him for the last six months, he isn't man enough to support you later on. He is supposed to be the man - it is his job to provide for himself and his family (you later on). There is no way in Hell I would let anyone support me. That's MY job to do. It's HIS job to support himself. Ask yourself, do you want to be married to a man who only works when it's easy for him? If the answer is yes, you have pretty low standards.

Answer 10

I think it is time to tell your family to keep out of your affairs and decide for yourself what is acceptable in "your" relationship. If it is true that he's put forth a good effort, continue to be supportive of him and keep encouraging him.