this is something we have talked aboput but at the same time is wounding what it will do to our marriage
2007-09-11 06:29:31 · 36 answers · asked by new_york_coyote 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i believe it would destroy the marriage, what if he decides he has feelings for this other person, or u get to have feelings for whomever if it be a man u bring into it. its easy to fall in love with someone based on lust. personally your opening up a bag of worms here, if u love your husband don't allow it because it can bring u heartache. if your not enough woman for him than theres already a problem in the marriage, communicate with him see what it is he is seeking.
2007-09-11 06:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
"Wrong?" Only you can decide that.
I can tell you that only couples with a rock-solid relationship should consider extra-marital fun. If there is any evidence/history of things like jealousy, negative self-image, depression, or sexual problems, you shouldn't consider it. You're only asking for trouble.
On the other hand, if you've talked about it and mutually agree, and no one is "twisting" the others' arm, then carefully "interview" and choose a prospective third party.
Be quite clear on the "rules" before entering into this. If there's anything that's "off-limits" it needs to be understood.
Agree on a "safe word;" meaning that at any time if one of you has second feelings about it, you just say the code word and the deal is off.
Other than that, I would suggest WHEN has risk alone ever deterred adults from something? Just look at the popularity of casinos and lotteries...and we all KNOW that the odds are against us.
2007-09-11 11:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by John Doe 1st 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on the couple. If your both very secure in your marriage and you really feel you need this added spice, then go for it. But it may lead to cheating.
IF you go the 3 some way, make sure you don't only introduce only women in, also have a 3 some with 2 men. It's only fair, and I'm thinking once you try BOTH, men and women, you 2 may find that it's not really the road you want to take.
Good luck! Wish more marriages though would be satisfied by each other, instead of bringing in others, but that's your choice.
2007-09-11 06:41:10 · answer #3 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's certainly risky, and I'm quite sure you'll have many an answer to this question that emphasizes that. If you've made up your mind to go ahead, however, here's a pointer. Don't do it with people you know, that is far too likely to become real, real messy. Best bet would be to hire a male "escort" or surrogate, a total stranger, to come to your house/apartment and work things out from there. Or if you're looking for a FFM type of party, look for a college co-ed in need of a few extra bucks and again, nobody you know and nobody you'll ever see again after your night of exploration. And if your marriage survives that, consider yourselves extremely lucky!
2007-09-11 07:08:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally know two couples who have done it and they are both separated now. In both instances the women enjoyed the added attention that she received from the guy(s) and they left their husband(s) for the other guy. Caution: If you are lacking something in your marriage then I wouldn't even consider it. (I don't judge anyone) If there is something missing in your marriage, (i.e. he doesn't help around the house, he doesn't open doors for you, he's insensitive, etc) then swinging is not the answer. It'll just give you a taste of what the grass is like on the other side, which might lead to the destruction of your marriage.
2007-09-11 07:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of a three-some, you might want to seek out another couple that is interested in same-room sex. Meaning that you both have sex in front of each other but there is no contact between the two different couples. This can add spice to your sex life without any feelings of "cheating" or "betrayal".
My wife has been pushing a threesome, and I've proposed this as an alternative, mainly because of the dangers associated with threesomes. Often one partner will often leave or cheat on their spouse with the third party. This happened to a friend of mine. They started out having threesomes with other women, and before long, she left him for another woman.
2007-09-11 06:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
What is right for my marriage may not be right for yours and vice versa. Only the 2 of you can decide what is right and what you feel your marriage can endure. I suggest that you both talk about this and be completely honest and forthcoming about your feelings before making a decision. If you are both comfortable with this and are secure in your marriage, then by all means ... go for it.
2007-09-11 06:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by squidsgirl97 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I must be honest with you.
I was at one point in my life on medication for migraines that made me "zombie-like"
Hang on and listen, OK?
It was with my 2ND husband who was already a crap head...
He thought that bringing in another person or persons while I was "Medicated" would not bother me, especially if I did not remember it.
He brought in 2 people, one of which became addicted to the sex and me. He became just as abusive as hubby, by burning me and cutting me.he also said that his WIFE ! Would NOT let him eat her, and he enjoyed eating me since I responded to it "IN a pleasing manner" He therefore could not get enough and..he was basically humping me whenever he SAM heck wanted...and hubby let him.
My dear friend, Ann saved me from them...and all of this ruined my marriage. Still to this day, and it is now 15 yrs later & I am married to someone else and have 2 kids...this person still hunts me down & begs me for sex.
Don't do it, it is against your marriage vows...and against God.
You may never recover, it took me a long time...these men were into DP Anal, vaginal just did nothing for them.
PLease think about it...and remember your values and your vows.
Blessings
2007-09-11 06:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by Midnight Winter WOLF 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would say that having threesomes are for people who are not committed. I just don't see how it will just happen and just be ok, it maybe fine in the beginning but after awhile one or the other will get jealous or step out on there own and the marriage will be over. If you both feel secure and know that you both can handle it like adults then just make sure you are ready for the chance of the marriage ending.
2007-09-11 06:44:38 · answer #9 · answered by xyz 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
it will go 1 of 2 ways. 1.destory the marriage. 2.make it stronger. if all are in agreement on ground rules. it could work. but at the same time things could also get ugly. only you and spouse can deciede to do this. good luck on what ever you deciede to do or not do.
2007-09-11 06:46:15 · answer #10 · answered by waljac6108 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am all for experimenting with a 3some when not in a relationship but from what I hear it really isn't a good idea when married...also are you talking about bringing another woman or man into the picture?
2007-09-11 06:37:41 · answer #11 · answered by poker_fan_in_nyc 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋