We are the typical 'surburbia family'. Kids, house, nice things, friends, good jobs, I am an attractive woman who NEVER denys my husband sex, and he still cheats on me. I dont know why. I almost feel like its ME. I do EVERYTHING for this man and affairs is what i get in return. Why do you suppose he is like this? (BTW, I threw him out last night....so, no, i am not puting up with it anymore) I'm just so hurt and confused and am kinda feeling 'why me'? what did i do to him to deserve this? I am totally crushed right now and dont know what to do. Most people will cheat for sex, but i screw that mans brains out every freaking day...lol.... I would thing he wouldnt have the energy for sex with someone else.....but he does.....I just dont understand.
2007-09-11 06:10:00 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's a cheater.
There isn't anything you did wrong or could do more, he's just a cheater. Don't beat yourself up over what he CHOOSE to do and how he CHOOSE to ruin your marriage.
I feel really bad for you.... I'm so sorry you are going through this...
2007-09-11 06:26:08 · answer #1 · answered by **Llola** 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You probably never will understand... Don't think it is your fault because it is'nt.. Alot of men cheat because of being insecure, want constant excitement etc.. There is no amount of sex, catering from you etc that would have changed it.. SOme men just cannot be faithful.. I understand the being crushed I have been through it, but you need to realize it isn't your fault.. It is not something you did or didn't do... I wish you the best.. Keep your head up and just be glad you are out of it now and he can't hurt you anymore. Now you have a chance to be with someone that loves you and will appreciate you.. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but after a while you will look back and be grateful to be out of that relationship.. Let the next girl deal with his cheating ways.
2007-09-11 07:43:19 · answer #2 · answered by luckygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a person has at home never comes into the equations when the decision to cheat is made. He doesn't care about the house, nice things, friends, good job. He can have all that with someone else. There are problems inside of your marriage. For sure one of them is he doesn't feel he has to be faithful. You did encourage that when you didn't leave him after the first one. You taught him how to treat you. We all do that, we teach other how to treat us.
It is understandable to be crushed. I was as well. It took me more than a year to work out some of the feelings I had about the whole thing.
It doesn't matter why he did it. His reasoning doesn't change the actions. Good for you for finally putting your foot down and saying I've had enough.
2007-09-11 06:32:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
With some men, it's about the hunt. It's the can-I-get-this-woman-in-bed syndrome. You give him all the sex he wants. Still he hunts women. When you have a man like this, he's not willing to change. It saddens me to read that you've thrown him out, but you had no other choice. He's a hunter and he'll hunt women until he's too old to care. I sincerely wish you well. If you let him come back, understand that he'll be cool for a while; but once things seem calm, he'll cheat again, and again, and again. It's not about the sex. It's about the hunt. Sorry.
The best you can do, if you take him back, is to give him a project--something ongoing to occupy his time. Perhaps he could repaint the exterior of your house, paint the interior--room by room, or something like that. You'll have to constantly come up with projects for him, but it might help. He might start feeling good about his accomplishments, and lose interest in the hunt. Then again, he might not. Best wishes!
2007-09-11 06:42:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know men like that and it doesnt matter how much sex they get or who it is they always cheat. Im like, why get married? but they do that too, and you probably arent the only one he is hurting. Let him go, he probably will be back when he realizes that what he had at home is better than any other fling he has, but you dont take him back, once a cheat always a cheat and you sound like a wonderful woman who can get and deserve better. There are millions of guys that wish their girlfriends and wives had sex with them everyday and he is still not satisfied, he has problems, not you, find someone else.
2007-09-11 06:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In the animal kingdom, the male services many of the females. Maybe he is just a pig. LOL No, seriously though, I wouldn't put up with it either. I would have done the same thing. As far as why he does it, only he can answer that one. All men seem to be able to come up with some lame excuse for their actions. Sorry I couldn't give you an answer to your question. Hope your days get better.
2007-09-11 06:35:15 · answer #6 · answered by darlene z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well as I see it he must never loved you. Where are you? Never know a lady like you where around. though most women where dead heads. You did nothing wrong . He has his head up his ***. Glade you put him out. But can you keep him out. No reason to be confused. No reason to be hurt. As long as you did everything that you could. Pick your self up off the floor. Get dressed and go out and find some one new and improved. Just keep your panties on. For a long time do not give it up so fast make sure he's the one. Now go out and start a new life.
2007-09-11 06:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by tadm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's addicted to the thrill of it. Different people cheat for different reasons - you can get all the sex at home, and still crave something "new". It's not your fault that he cheats; don't blame yourself.
Good for you for taking a stand; a lot of people don't have the courage to take this step, but you did. I know it's hard not to feel that this is "all my fault"; but it really isn't. Blame and responsibility are two different things, don't confuse them. You carry the responsibility for making choices; you chose this man as your husband, so you are partially responsible for the situation. The good news is, now you have the power to make a different choice, and to change your situation for the better. Good luck.
2007-09-11 06:24:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your giving him enough sex, you have to ask is it freaky sex. Do you do all the thing he likes...BJs, anal, ect. Then if you are his lady in the street and a freak in the bed, well sometimes it's just a man who is no good. Unfortunately their are some bad apples in every bunch.
I just know this if you were my wife and you gave me lots of sex and treated me good I would;t look anywhere else.
Stop beating yourself up and take it from a man who knows that if you do everything you can sometimes it's not enough. Nothing you can do except to realize that you did what you can but you can't make a bad apple turn good!
2007-09-11 07:09:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For a chronic cheater, it isn't about sex, it's about the thrill of something new. It is the chase that matters. You chase, you catch, you cheat, you move on. For some it is an addictive behavior that could change with intense therapy, but only if the person truly wants to change.
It sounds like you've done the only thing you could do. It isn't about you at all. It is his giving in to his own selfish urges and an unwillingness to stop.
2007-09-11 06:21:02 · answer #10 · answered by Somethingtotry 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your troubles.. been there, though. I believe there is only one reason your husband is a cheater, he is insanely selfish. He wants to have his cake and eat it too and nothing stops him. I realize there is no way NOT to take this personally, but you're not the issue. Because you threw him out recently, wait a while and have a separation period before you being talking but I strongly recommend asking HIM all the questions you asked above and see what he says. He is the one with the answers you're looking for. But my opinion is that he feels he is entitled to everything and anything he wants regardless of who he hurts, in other words, he's selfish. I wish you luck but am glad to hear you have enough self respect to kick him out and get on with your life.
2007-09-11 06:36:07 · answer #11 · answered by ThatGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋