It's kind of a rediculous question. Anyways, I've been married for 4 years now and a lot of my cousins and friends who got married after me either have kids already or are pregnant. My husband and I are not completely ready to have kids yet, but sometimes I feel bad when I am around my friends and family because they have kids and I don't. I want kids but not right now. Why do I feel this way?
2007-09-11 05:51:23 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its simple, cause I feel just the same I can identify, you have baby envy in a sense. You're happy for them, and proud, but you want kids too, and for just a split second after holding a baby you begin to want one. Just till you wake up and realize/remember why you dont have them.
You begin to feel that you dont have as much in common, and left out too cause they're all talking about babies and having babies and new things the babies are doing lol and you dont have anything to contribute.
I say you're an amazing woman, because you know you're not ready and you're sticking to it. I dont want to have children until we're in a stable place financially, and we've really entered our careers. I want to be an attorney, he wants to own a restaruant. :) We're both in school now, 22(me) 23.5(him) and I'm only about half way through undergrad. We've got a long way to go.
I get pressure from my family to have kids. I'm the oldest of my mothers children, so I will likely be the first to have a child and she is all "I want grand babies" blah blah blah, cause all her sisters have them. lol Its crazy how that works isnt it?
Take ur time, and enjoy where you're at now because once you have a baby, EVERYTHING changes.
2007-09-11 06:05:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you feel this way because, maybe deep down inside you are ready but are to scared;i have been married for a very long time; it took me 3 years to get pregnant and i will always tell my friends& family that i did not want any kids i was lying because i was scared and afraid of been a mom and i thought maybe i will jus t mess up or not be able to handle the situation the way i was suppose to; i did not want that kind of responsabilities; been a mom is not easy; i don't want to scare you i loved my 2 kid's with all of my heart i will do anything and everything for them, but i keeping thinking over and over again in my mind, that is was not about me any more it was going to be about my child and my husband, once i had made up my mind i was not scared nor worried any more i finally got pregnant and had my son;;;;; then 7 years after; i had a daughter and my life is good and complete. so you see silly- rabbit; iit;s up to you and your husband; if you guy's are not ready; then you are not. so don't feel too bad when you are around, other couples with babies or little childrens. one day you will have some of your own and both you and your husband will be some proud parent's and i know you will be the most "Romantic Mom in the whole wide world" have a nice day be bless!!!;;;;; joyce
2007-09-11 16:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by Rosalinda 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I were married 4 years before we started trying for kids, but have been together 7. We've heard every member of the family pressure us into having kids, and we kept saying not yet. He had to graduate school and he's active duty Army, and we didn't want to have a kid and him be deployed (which he is now so that didn't work).
You guys are gunna have kids when you're ready. Make sure you have a SOLID marriage cause having a child is rough on it. Ours has taken quite a beating just in the 5 weeks she's been around. It's a teamwork thing. You both have to be on board for it. There is NOTHING wrong with waiting.
2007-09-11 13:08:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that is totally natural. Women are so much more emotional creatures, sometimes we think so hard, lol. Anyways, I felt the same way when my brother and his wife got pregnant. My husband (at the time) was not ready at all, and low and behold we got pregnant anyways. Lets just say, I love my son, I wouldn't trade him for the world. But it wouldn't have hurt if he'd arrived a little later on in my life. Dont feel pressured by other people or current situations. You'll be just fine. Good luck
2007-09-11 12:59:44 · answer #4 · answered by teri is ambience 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try not to fill so bad .You are a sensible adult and at least plan on parethood and you will be a great parent for waiting until you are ready.Enjoy the time for now with your husband as once the kids come then things will change for you both.You just fill the joys they are having of motherhood and you will have the same feelings when you decide to have children.
2007-09-11 13:02:48 · answer #5 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its basically a game of monkey see monkey do! (Not calling you a monkey or anything)! if you are around people who have kids then you start to wonder how cool it would be to have a child that is your own. someone you can raise how you would want it to be!! its just like anything else in life! the more youre around something the more you crave or desire for it! but honestly i dont think you should have kids until youre completely ready because that is the biggest responsibility ever because you would be raising the future and you want to make sure that the future is in good hands!!!
2007-09-11 13:02:33 · answer #6 · answered by Dman #4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You want to fit in, yet this is not a reason to have children. I think that we all want to be a part of a group. This specific group revolves their life around children. That does not mean you never want to have children, it just means you want to do other things right now and that is OK. Have you though about doing an adult only outing. Invite everyone (give plenty of notice as babysitters are not always readily available) and do an adult only thing, movie, dinner etc.
You will be soon to realize that not having children (especially if your not ready) can be a blessing also.
2007-09-11 13:00:32 · answer #7 · answered by Dee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel pressure. We actually have our first child out of pressure from both our parents and right now, everyone's on us to follow with another one. But we both admitted to ourselves that we aren't emotionally ready for another one. There is nothing wrong with waiting to be ready to have kids. I'm sure you feel like you have to have kids to please other people but don't resort to that reason. Enjoy being married because once the kids come, you end up unconsciously putting your marriage a distant second.
2007-09-11 13:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by clovy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because their getting the attenion with the cute little babies.
Try and change your feelings. Know in your heart that kids aren't for you right now, and that your time will come, when your wanting it too.
Little babies bring alot of attention. That's why there is sibilings feeling rejected. A new baby comes along, and BAM........their not getting the attention they were use to.
It could be too, that your body and mind are prepareing yourself for that next step, rather your really thinking it's not time.
Good luck.
2007-09-11 12:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are fine. Don't feel bad. I wish I would have had more time with my husband before we had kids. Kids are wonderful but you need to be ready for them. They take a lot of personal time away from your life. Don't have them untill you are ready.
2007-09-11 12:58:19 · answer #10 · answered by ilovelucy1207 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋