What would YOU do?

Question

In a nutshell, I have been with this girl for almost 2 years. We just started living with each-other 9 months ago though. She told me at one point in our relationship she wanted to be with a male. Deep down I have a feeling she has cheated on me with a man, even though she denies it. We argue a lot, and we no longer live together. I still pay some of her bills and give her money when she asks, even though she has a good job. Deep down I don't trust her, and she doesn't trust me. We have good times though. I met this other woman who is very independent. I know we could be great together. She is a lesbian and knows what she wants. Her family is very accepting as well. I love my ex very much, and don't want to lose her, but I want things work out between this other woman and I because I love her very much as well. If I talk to this other woman my ex gets pissed, and sometimes I feel like I am pushing this other woman away. What should I do? I know in the long run I will have to lose one.

Answer 1

i think you've already said the answer.

in the long run, you can only have a relationship with one person, and as you've already said you argue and you dont trust each other, you've tried, and it seems to be over.

you seem to like this other woman, but you have to be wary of "the grass is always greener" here.

that said, if you think you two could work together, go for it, after all it's your life and i think it's fair to say that you've tried giving your other realtionship a go, some people just aren't compatible.

that's my take on things, but as always, for reliable, and trustworthy advice, see a relationship councellor, or write into your local agony aunt in your newspaper, not a bunch of random people over the internet.

Answer 2

Well sweetheart you do have to decide. I think it's fair to say that you have given your ex more then one too many chances. If you feel that deep down she may have cheated on you she probably has, and it will more then likely happen again. You need to stop paying her bills, small or large, stop giving her money. You are being asked to be cheated on with a bisexual or a confused straight woman, trust me I have had my share. You seem torn between two woman you love very much but you need a fresh start. This new woman seems like she could make you very happy. Don't push her away because sooner or later she wont come back regardless of how much she may love you too. You have to think, who would make you happier? Who could you trust in the long run? Who is best for you? Sounds to me like the lesbian knows who she is and what she wants and wont settle for less then what she deserves. It also sounds like she is dealing with a lot of baggage when it comes to you, and that says a lot for her to still be around. Decide where your heart really belongs and then put it there whole heartedly. Worry about your happiness and what your future holds because ten years or even a year down the road that's all that will matter. You never think someone you love will walk away, but they do. Sometimes it hurts less to walk away then to stick around. Your ex seems like she is using you for your money, and maybe she just doesn't want you to be happy. Deep down you know who you want to be with, and you don't need strangers telling you this. You need to make the effort to do the right thing before the right woman walks out of your life. I am a retired marriage counselor I have seen a lot. It seems as if your ex is playing mind games with you. You will find love and happiness in someone else, and that someone else seems like they love you very much. You said you two had only been living together for 9 months? It should still be perfect after 9 months. If your having problems after 9 months, there is no way you two will make it 9 years or even longer. I am not here to tell you what to do, I am telling you that you need to look at the picture as a whole without leaving one detail out. Sit down and write everything out. The woman seems independent, stable, and confident. Your ex seems needy, argumentative, and very controlling. Both seem as if they need you but for different reasons. Sounds like one needs you for love, and one needs you for her well being and not yours. You decide and good luck with choosing.

Answer 3

Other lady is the ex. I would not really care about the ex's feeling much. I used to back in the day, but the ex is an ex for a reason. If you are trying to be friends with the person and she does not want to be friends with you underconditions of you findind someone else then you need to just move on with the other woman. As long as she is neededing you, the ex, I am sure she will come around to borrow money and things of that nature. You do not have to lose one, if people understand you are looking to be happy and they did not make you happy in the way you need then they should just be happy to be your friends. I have a few girls I am happy to just be there when they call on me. We did not work well dating but I care about them so much I just want to make sure they are okay. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Go with the new 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your ex seems like she is using you. you shouldnt pay any of her bills if you 2 arent living together. if she had any interest in men and you 2 were together for 2 yrs she prob did cheat on you with a guy. you will always have good times but that doesnt mean your heart belongs in her hands.

the new woman seems very down to earth along with her family and thats important. she seems like she lives a pretty simple life. if you love her you better stop pushing her away because you are doing nothing but pushing her onto someone else.

Answer 5

I would break up with your ex (if that even makes sense) and stay with this other women. It seems like you will have a better life with someone that is accepting and has a good family life.

I also find it out that you give money to your ex, when you say she has a good job and you don't trust each other, that isn't a good base for any kind of relationship. Move on you deserve to be treated better and have a happy life.

Answer 6

You need to go with the new 1. You and your ex have only been living together for 9 months, thats nothing it should still be head over heels cant get enough of you miss you always kind of love. you 2 arent going to work out you need a fresh start and thats going to hurt very much but whats going to hurt more missing out on the new 1 and seeing her in a restaraunt with another woman who shes happy with because you wouldnt give her what she wanted or breaking it off with your ex for good to be with this new woman? your ex seems like she wants your money and wants to be in control of what you do. sounds like its working and your giving her what she wants. the new woman seems independent and confident with a happy life that she would love to introduce you to. in with the new out with the old.

Answer 7

That's easy, why post this? The new woman is who you should be with. Why are you wasting time? You probably are pushing her away. I am surprised she is still around dealing with your mess clean it up and fix this new womans heart before someone else does. Your ex seems like a user and if you think she has cheated then she will probably do it again. Change is hard but well worth it. This new woman seems like she could make you happy so why push her away?

Answer 8

The ex is sucking you dry..emotionally and financially.
Start fresh with the new woman. She sounds like she has much more stability and less emotional baggage to offer.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Dump the ex and try and hit it off with the new girl.
It sounds to me like the ex is a user and will take you for as much as she can, as long as you let her.

Answer 10

Since you refer to the first woman as your "ex," then you already feel the relationship is over. Now, you need to let her know that it's over as well. It's only fair to her.