Your like a mirage
Floating through the air
When I go to hug you
All a sudden your not there
I know that you still love me
And I know that you still care
It’s just I have this emptyness
And I’m starting to get scared
Today I found out that you may leave for good
So no more visits, no more talks
No more anything, really I was shocked
Knowing that you could die
And knowing I may not care
I mean I really didn’t know you
So why am I so scared?
I have over 50 poems, so if your interested in seeing more, let me know
2007-09-11 04:25:11 · 10 answers · asked by Cinderelly 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I love this idea and its expression.Its really very good keep it up. I hope u will send moore.Good luck
2007-09-11 04:47:32 · answer #1 · answered by Dua 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i really like this poem, considering u were only 14 when u wrote it. Judging by the amount of poems uve written i can sense you are passionate about poetry and your writing reflects this. You display much talent... id give you 6 or 7 out of 10. however, just as some advice... the last stanza is a little out of the norm.... maybe you could split it into 2 quatrains. i liked the idea but when reading the last couple of lines, the words dont flow. But bravo ;)
2007-09-11 04:36:51 · answer #2 · answered by Sardines 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It RoCkEd hon, but, you need to go back through it (as I need to do my own) and revise as it lost some rythem here and there, I loved the topic however "clich" it may be, forever, poets will be rewording everything LOL
Kepp it up sw33ty and if you need to holler I'm at ahshadowrai@yahoo.com
I'd love to see more of your works kk?
All the Very Best, Shad @)~>~
2007-09-11 05:38:40 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first two stanza's were awesome :)
Last one didn't have as much pow cause it didn't rhyme, but hey, overall, i'll give it a 7/10 :)
I'd love to read more, message me if you wanna send some for me to read.
2007-09-11 04:31:49 · answer #4 · answered by Suki 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love this poem,
and i know just how you felt,
I'm in love with this cowboy,
and don't know if he'll always be there.
I know he cares for me,
I know he thinks of me daily,
but he wont say i love you,
and to be honest,
I'm a little confused to.
~Country Girl~
2007-09-11 07:18:00 · answer #5 · answered by redneck_countrygal_27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not be too plain, grab some sense of feeling and metaphorically say:
You are a mirage
blah blah blah
do not use a simile in this analogy. metaphor states your thoughts and feelings more succinctly
2007-09-11 05:50:14 · answer #6 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is awsome. Would love to see more.
Keep up the good work
2007-09-11 04:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by suzie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that is really good i would like to see more
2007-09-11 07:23:17 · answer #8 · answered by rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it....i have a poem with the similar idea
2007-09-11 04:34:15 · answer #9 · answered by You Are My Wings So I Can Fly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Excellent no matter HOW old you were when you wrote it!
2007-09-11 04:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by AKA FrogButt 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋