My wife is having a mini mid life crisis. She feels old and out of shape. I think that she is beautiful and in good shape for 48. She is five years older than I am. We have three kids. I love her very much. But she has started losing weight and her face is getting drawn and she is starting to look unsexy and unattractive and more wrinkled. I love her normal and contrary to what she believes, she actually looks older and sick the skinnier she gets. How do I tell her?
2007-09-11 03:24:46 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I love a woman with curves and she knows this! Juliiete Binoche, Britney Spears, Susan Sarandon, Madonna in her early years. I guess I have to be patient and just love her.
2007-09-11 03:38:48 · update #1
Very Carefully. Explain to her that you don't think her weight loss is healthy and that you are concerned for her.
Let her know that while you want her to be in shape, you also don't need her to be so thin that she looks frail.
2007-09-11 03:30:14 · answer #1 · answered by Deb 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You don't. There's no nice way to say, "honey, you look older and sickly." Plus, when was the last time you heard of someone being "talked out of" a mid-life crisis? If losing weight makes her feel better, support her (as long as she's not anorexic or something.) Let her know that you think she's beautiful no matter what, and tell her she's gorgeous every chance you get. If you want to help her feel even more beautiful, treat her to a day at the spa for a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure, and a new hairstyle and makeup application. But remember, criticizing her appearance is going to have the exact opposite effect of what you're looking for - it will make her feel even more self-conscious and unattractive.
2007-09-11 03:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she getting more attention since she has lost weight? It could be positive attention (construction guys whistling at her, her girl friends telling her she looks younger or better) or negative attention (you keep telling her that she's too skinny). Being skinny in this society is, unfortunately, a "good" thing. So some factors (it could be you, the kids, herself, or people outside the house) are reinforcing her behavior to lose more weight. Are your kids telling her she looks better? Or her friends/co-workers? Ask her.
I used to live in LA. I am fairly slim but with curves. One time, I got really sick and lost some weight. When I felt better, I went to my friends party and all the girls told me how great I looked being skinnier! I was like "WHAT???" I looked so sick!
Thus, your wife may be getting compliments outside of your home and there is very little you can do. I would keep telling her how great she looked before the weight loss. You don't have to bash her current looks, just keep emphasizing how you miss her former self but you still love her for her.
2007-09-11 03:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by luvly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST TELL HER! There's no other way. I use to weigh 320lbs. Then I lost the weight. Feels good. Last year I weighed 164lbs. My husband, family and everyone that knows me told me that I looked like i had aids or were on crack. neither is the case. Was going through marital problems, but I've been heavy all my life and my husband didn't like me weighing @164lbs. I felt good, turned heads but looked strange. Long face (laughing@myself), just didn't look right to him. Even though he says I'm beautiful, I looked better with meat on the bones. I'm 42, gained some of the weight back, but I turn even more heads with the weight on. Make a doctors appointment for her and ask to go with her, just to make sure that she hasn't lost too much weight that would make her sick. Losing too much weight for too fast can cause health issues that she doesn't want to face. I've been there and done that. Now, I'm prettier, healthier and have my energy I use to have. Remember, make the appointment to make sure that she is ok and tell her that you love her.
2007-09-11 03:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by manlisten 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember when I had also lost lots of weight and thought that I had looked good. I had lost 20 lbs. and did not even realize how horrible that I had looked until I was told that I had lost too much weight. I remember being told that my legs were too skinny. I started gaining the weight back and I was told that I looked better. Your wife sounds like she just needs to go to a gym and work out or else start exercising at home. Buy her some exercise tapes and the two of you can exercise together.
2007-09-11 03:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
losing weight and getting healthy is a good thing, but it depends how is she going about doing it. If she is not eating and taking pills to lose weight, it will only hurt her body. She needs to be on a healthy diet and a good workout including both cardio and light weight lifting. I think you both should do it together.
If she is going through a mid life crisis then you might also have her see a shrink to help her through this time. Good luck.
2007-09-11 03:36:22 · answer #6 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Determine what her end result is going to be. What's her goal?
If she says just skinnier... help her with that but suggest a healthier way. As long as she hears you supporting her goal she won't have a problem with suggestions.
If she wants to become skinnier, you can't change her. Don't try. Support all the way. Then she'll listen to your suggestions and might even back off a little.
Good luck.
2007-09-11 03:35:13 · answer #7 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down have a long talk with her and tell her how you feel. But the truth is you can't change how she feels about herself only she can do that. If the mid-life crisis is really getting out of hand maybe you should start helping her look for a good psychologist.
I wish you and your family only the best.
2007-09-11 03:31:27 · answer #8 · answered by luv 4 dogs 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she was at an unhealthy weight before, then I wouldnt say anything. She may look sick compared to before but is she sickly thin now or did she start out a little too plump. If she is healthy, then just live with it. If she is getting too thin, then say something for sure. Just say, you are getting too thin. Lets go for dinner ! :)
2007-09-11 03:57:11 · answer #9 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest but not hurtful...tell her that you feel she's losing too much weight and it's aging her. I know exactly what you mean. I'm 42 and when I get too thin one of the first places it shows is in my face. Ugh!
Or maybe talk to a girlfriend of hers about this...perhaps the friend can talk to her.
2007-09-11 03:32:28 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, people who are older and lose a lot of weight tend to put on years, as they shed pounds.
Maybe gently let her know that you think she might be losing al ittle too much weight and it might not be that healthy for her? Remind her that you love her too.... (i'm sure you do).
2007-09-11 03:32:26 · answer #11 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋