Tomorrow will be ten years. Neither of us have said a word. He left this morning for a business trip without even mentioning the fact that tomorrow is our Anniversary.
I have not said a word either. It's an empty marriage for me.
I assume it is for him as well, although he seems fine.
Is anyone else in an unfulfilling, loveless marriage? What do you do on Anniversaries, Birthdays etc?
2007-09-11 03:02:50 · 20 answers · asked by candy'sroom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
***(its not the same but today is 4 years for me and my boyrfiend. He is 28 and I am 24. He left this morning and nothing was said by either of us, eventhough we both know what today is. I feel as though I love him, but I am not in love with haim anymore. So I feel as though I kind of understand! I celebrate his birthday and Fathers day, but he NEVER has done anything for me.)
I don't think I would even give him a card let alone a gift, because why write a bunch of sappy lovey dovey stuff if you don't mean it anymore and why give a gift if you don't even want to give. It's supposed to be the thought that counts, so if your heart is not in it, you probably shouldn't act like it is. If he says it to you, I would say it back I guess, as to not hurt his feelings. But, I wouldn't go out of my way to do anything that special. Maybe not celebrating it is a good idea because it could help ease you 2 into a serious discussion about your marriage and where you each think it is going. Neither of you deserve to be miserable. Life is way too short for that. Just think, there could be someone else better out there for each of you!!
2007-09-11 03:42:21 · answer #1 · answered by shortyc1282 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you might want to do is stop "assuming" anything and talk to your husband.
My wife and I went through the same thing not all that long ago, and by the way, we celebrate 11 years next month. We were out of touch with each other, angry all the time, and feeling like there was no reason to stay together. I doubt there are many people who have been closer that us to divorce.
First....to answer your question....I think it might be good for you to take the high road here and buy him a card, or gift. You're assuming he feels the same way, it doesn't mean he actually does. If you ignore this, it very well may make things worse and put more distance between the two of you. After all, what could it hurt? You may be surprised at the results.
Next, it's time you two had a long hard chat about the way things are going in your marriage. Start by admitting the things YOU'RE doing wrong. Yes, it sounds a bit one sided.....BUT.... when you look at yourself as opposed to others, you have the ability to change the situation you're in. When my wife did this to me, it allowed me to open up, take a look at what I was doing wrong, and above all else, took me off the defensive.
We both realized we were not happy, but the reason we weren't happy was due to our own reasons and actions. It had very little to do with the other person. We resolved to make each other the center, to do what we needed to be happy. It worked exceptionally well. Now when there's difficulties, the first person I look at is me and what I'm doing, she does the same...no more finger pointing. We BOTH took responsibility for OUR actions and happiness then work to improve it.
There's love in our marriage now. We feel important to each other, and the general attitude around the house is really good. If we can do this, so can anyone else. It isn't rocket science, just good old fashioned communication without blame.
Good Luck!
2007-09-11 03:20:21 · answer #2 · answered by wentfishing2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like it is loveless because no effort is being put into it. Why don't you use this anniversary as a chance to turn over a new leaf? Don't let another day go by without letting your husband know he is loved by you. It doesn't take much ( card, a whispered "I love you " in his ear, or a pat on the butt.) The rewards are wonderful with such little effort. If you can't do this then maybe it is time to end the marriage. Please try though, you may be pleasantly surprised.
2007-09-11 03:20:46 · answer #3 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes!! Celebrate as hard as you can!
Just because things aren't going well now doesn't mean they were always like that. And just because things aren't going well now doesn't mean that they will always be this way.
Anniversaries are a great time to look at your marriage and make a conscious effort to improve. Whether it's going great or not. We just celebrated our 4th - 2 days ago. It's been a tumultuous 4 years and almost fought right through it. But we sat down and renewed our commitment to making it work.
If you feel it's empty, say something today. Don't wait. Surprise him by stating you want to improve things. Tomorrow you're going to do something to celebrate. Get him on-board and have fun.
Congratulations!!
2007-09-11 03:26:08 · answer #4 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Possibly it's not as empty and loveless as you think...or this wouldn't be an issue?
Maybe the 10th year mark is a good time to sit down and discuss where you'd both like this marriage to go.
Good luck.
2007-09-11 03:07:26 · answer #5 · answered by MARY N 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What would be the point of celebrating the anniversary of a relationship that appears to be meaningless to the participants?
Why are you two wasting time together when you could be living happier and more fulfilling lives apart? At least seek counseling and see if the spark that existed when you got together (I assume there was one) can be reignited...otherwise think about the amount of time you've already wasted in this short life, and consider doing each other a favor and both moving on.
2007-09-11 03:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm right there with you; our anniversary was in July and we didn't say anything, get each other anything, go out to dinner, etc. Just nothing. What is really the point I guess. He hasn't bought me a gift, bday, christmas, anniversary, mother's day, etc, in probably several years anyway. I finally stopped buying him gifts also. I'm not sure how you're supposed to handle it, usually for my birthday I will go buy myself something I've been wanting. Why don't you do this tomorrow? I'm sorry though that your marriage is like this, I definitely know how you feel.
2007-09-11 03:20:14 · answer #7 · answered by Saia 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, my Parents are in a Loveless Marriage, but they still celebrate. They went to China last year on there tenth year aniversary. On Birthdays we go out to eat. So i guess you should just try and celebrate.
2007-09-11 03:07:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well my family had a very stressful marriage full of arguments,fights. But they always celebrated their anniversaries (even with their friends). Strange. Maybe people want to remember what attaches them together even for once in a while.
2007-09-11 03:13:01 · answer #9 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you're in a loveless marriage then why dont you get a divorce? life is too short to be unhappy all the time. This is true of your husband too.. .he shouldnt b miserable the rest of his life either...
if your marriage is something you'd like to save.. why dont you use your anniversary and call him and talk things out?
2007-09-11 03:08:22 · answer #10 · answered by *DiZzLe* 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋