Okay, don't tell me to leave him, we have kdis and I want to try one last time. a year ago he moved in with a coworker, when he came back he did & said a lot of hurtful things, but i tried to get past it. we have been back together for 10 months. sometimes i still have a hard time with it, so a few days ago he is like you know i never really slept with her. so for a brief time i was very hapy because that is why i couldn't get over it, then he decided to stab me in the heart the next day by telling me that he did, twice. see when he first came back he told me only once because he felt guilty about it, now he says twice so that tells me he does not feel bad. but the last 10 months have been nothing but a lie. i know i don't deserve this, but aside from sleeping with her what hurts the most is knowing he doesn't seem to care, he doesn't realize how hurt i am, i cry every single day. he says he don't show emotions. well everytime i cry he gets angry and yells at me.
2007-09-11 02:30:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we still live in the same house. right as this moment i can't go anywhere else. how can i make him realize how much this hurts me? someone told me the silent treatment, but i would think that him seeing me cry constantly would make him upset and it don't, the only time he cries is when i want to leave
2007-09-11 02:31:54 · update #1
i can't go anywhere until at least this weekend.
2007-09-11 02:35:19 · update #2
If he loved you you shouldn't have to make him realize he hurt you.
I do not condone cheating, i believe in forgiveness, communication and trying to ammend IF the person who commited the mistake is aware of what he or she did and the damage and hurt he caused.
If he won't take notice of your feelings, will get mad if you are feeling down and doesn't make you HAPPY what are you doing there?
You have 5 days to start planning a new life, sans him.
Life is too short to suffer for things that are really not worth it and a man who won't make you feel loved and has at least some empathy for you after he is the one who screwed up, is not one of them.
Suck up and move out!
2007-09-11 02:48:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to be blunt, but I think he knows full well that he has hurt you and doesn't care. It sounds like he has no feelings for you and doesn't want to work on the relationship at all. It almost seems as if he's doing this deliberately so that you will leave him and he won't have to deal with it.
The question you must ask yourself is not how do you make him realize it, but why are you allowing him to continue to hurt you? He is being deliberately hurtful. You already said you know you don't deserve it, yet you are choosing to keep yourself in a situation where you know you will be hurt. You cry and he yells? There is no compassion.
You don't say if you are married or living together. Have you tried counseling? If you both want to save this relationship and both want to work on it, it could be a big help.
You are the only one who can decide when enough is enough and I don't think you have come to that point yet. I will say, however, that staying together just because you have kids is not a good reason. You are teaching your children it's OK to verbally and emotionally abuse your spouse. They are living in an environment where the father doesn't seem to care and the mother cries every day. I don't think that's healthy.
2007-09-11 02:42:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, you said to not tell you to leave him, but that is the only answer that I have for you. I feel for you and your kids, and it will be hard. BUT, it will be easier on the kids if you just go ahead and do it now instead of later. People that say they stay together for the kids have no idea what they are doing. Kids need to see a loving and happy pair of parents. Not a dad who could care less if his wife is crying her eyes out and the dad just yells at her for doing so when she has every right to. What kind of example are you setting for your daughter, if you have one? That it's ok to be emotionally abused and that love is having a partner who doesn't care how you are physically or mentally? And if you have a son, this just shows him that he can be premiscuous and talk to a woman and treat her anyway that he wants and that it is acceptable. I am sorry, but you need to love yourself and love your kids. Your children may be children, but they are NOT stupid, and they CAN pick up on what is going on. Get out, please, or rather LET HIM LEAVE. Let him go back to his co-worker if you have no where else to go. HE'S the one that should leave anyways. Not only did he break your vows, he is abusive to you, and I am sorry but that's just not acceptable. I hope the best for you and I hope maybe someone else can give you a better solution. I just think this is the only option at this time. Only other thing I could suggest is marriage counseling. But, it just doesn't seem that he is going to be willing to do that. Best wishes to you.
2007-09-11 03:17:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had moved out, living with another woman, you knew they were sleeping together, but yet you took him back.
At the point that you took him back you had two choices, not take him back knowing he was living with another woman, or deal with it. You haven't done either.
Now you are at the point again, you now know you can't get over it, but yet you won't leave or ask him to leave. You are expecting him to make it all go away, and he can't. What's done is done, what counts is from this day forward. Not 10 months ago.
You really need to take control of yourself, take pride in yourself and in today, if you really want this relationship to work. No man wants to deal with a winey miserable woman. I do understand the pain you feel, and my heart goes out to you, but its time you stopped and move forward.
Good luck
2007-09-11 03:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are letting him know that his behavior is fine with you. You are letting this happen. First, stop being a victim. Realize that you re part of the problem by trying so hard. Stop trying. Leave. Take care of your children. He is a loser. Stop Crying. He is not worth one more tear. Take your children and leave. What kind of an example are you setting for them? Do you really think that this is worth it? He is not going to change. You must make changes.
Stop worrying about him and take care of yourself and your children. He does not care. Why should you?
2007-09-11 03:20:01 · answer #5 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look he's not interested in making it work, and letting your children see you get hurt like this isnt good for them or their development. Mom needs to be able to look after herself to take care of them. Get your stuff together take your kids and go to a family members it will hurt, but it will get better. Its better than being with some one that wants you to know that you dont matter
2007-09-11 02:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by sarah W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately dear you dont deserve this and yes he does know he hurts you, if he had any respect for you he would of never told you he slept with her twice after you two are trying to mend your relationship and been back together 10 months...you really want your kids around that kind of relationship with him showing you no love and respect...dont keep being his doormat, and just remember you cant make someone love you if its not there and its obvious not there....
2007-09-11 02:54:18 · answer #7 · answered by Renee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him and tell him exactly what you are feeling. Don't play games and don't drop hints. Guys aren't good with that stuff.
If you tell him how you feel and he's yells at you and gets angry, then you need to decide just how much effort you want to put into this relationship.
2007-09-11 02:35:38 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to leave, if you stay, he thinks his affairs are ok to keep doing... leave, take the money and go to a hotel if needed... he's playing head games, girl... get out! you will be such a mess you won't know what to do, and that's his plan, to mess you up... HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NEVER WILL!!! =) I hope I said that loud enough, lol... I wanted to add, his crying is fake, I have seen guys cry then go back out and cheat again =(...
2007-09-11 02:39:36 · answer #9 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry but, it sounds as though he doesn't care if he's hurt you. actually, it seems as though that was his intention. he moved in with this other person b/c you separated? what made him come back?
i think you're ignoring whats really going on here. not deliberately, but b/c you don't want to face it.
granted, he's a coward for not coming right out and saying what's on his mind but that doesn't mean you have to wait for it to happen.
2007-09-11 02:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋