Again, Just Curious?

Question

Any suggestions? I wrote this after my brother passed away:

A cool autumn breeze stirs the leaves
I assume, of course, your voice
Whispering to me, assuring me that you are here
You speak of no pain
Your weightless soul passes me
A comforting sigh as the leaves rustle in the trees
I hear you my brother
Forever whispering of eternal beauty
and the power of whispering in the wind

Answer 1

Another lovely poem, that actually made me teary.
May your brother R.I.P

Answer 2

I am very sorry for the loss of your brother. It is so sad to lose someone we love. I know this poem is personal to you, but since you requested suggestions I will make a few. I will also provide an example of what I'm talking about for illustration (use it if you like, ignore it if you don't). There are a few words you could pare down here. I think cutting whispering back a bit would help. The -ing present progressive verbs here steal a little bit of the immediacy of the moment. Here are some basic changes to consider. If you want to capitalize the first lines there is nothing wrong there (it is just not my personal habit with free verse). This poem of yours has potential and could develop nicely.

Example of a possible revision:

I hear your voice
in the cool autumn breeze
that stirs the leaves,
whispers of assurance
that you are here.
You speak of no pain.
Your weightless soul passes by
a comforting sigh, as the leaves rustle.
I hear you my brother
in this forever whisper
of eternal beauty through
the power of the moving wind.

Thanks for sharing this.

Take care

Answer 3

a million. If one will become Born-lower back, and that they have got been already baptized as an infant, do they ought to be baptized lower back? confident, infant baptizing is synthetic custom. 2. Does one replace into Born lower back privately or at an altar call? the two one, this is not suitable. 3. What approximately little ones? Do little ones get baptized as adults or as toddlers? What if a newborn in no way "many times occurring Christ"? At what age are they seen in charge? while your mature sufficient and understand why your doing it then do it. if one in no way accepts Christ then i heavily doubt they could opt to get baptized. i dont think of there's a undeniable age reason each and every guy or woman matures at a distinctive age.

Answer 4

How about changing the 'weightless' to other word, like fearless or peaceful?

The weightless soul sounds to me a bit like no-importance type of soul.

Good piece!

Answer 5

Concise and to the point.
Good work of poetry but flawed when it comes to the truth about the after-life. When we die we rest until the second coming of Christ or the resurrection of the wicked. We do not wittiness the sorrow pain and suffering that is caused by our departure but there are those who are sent to comfort those who are left to mourn.
Don't be deceived into believing that at death the soul goes to a half-life of disembodyness in which they continue to suffer. Your brother is at rest. Celebrate his life, rejoice in the good memories and legacy that he has left behind, and allow yourself to be comforted.
Kind regards, Enoch.

Answer 6

Good poem. Perhaps u could add how ur brother was like & how he made a difference in ur life.

Answer 7

sounds good but for this line

Your weightless soul passes me

how?

Answer 8

i think it's wonderful and it's a wonderful tribute to your brother.
your a wonderful writer!i wish that i could write like you!and be as good a writer as you are!

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Answer 9

my god girl you are beutiful in many ways
sweetner sweetner
she`s like sugar to me
so full of giving
how can that be?

Answer 10

I love that poem! You did a great job.