Wife & Half truths?

Question

My wife has a tendancy to tell half truths and it pisses me off. She came home Friday and said she had some cosmetic injections done. This was a total surprise to me, I had spoken to her earlier in the day and nothing was said, not a word was mentioned the whole week before. Anyway, she comes in and with a smile said I had injections... I said OK, what did you have done? Her reply was, I had my laugh lines filled and thats it, and for around $330.00 bucks. I was ok with it and we had a great weekend, I asked how she was feeling and of course the weekend went fine. Last night I was picking up and found the receipt for her Dr.s Visit... $1100.00.. I was blown away. WTF, Why cant she ever tell me the WHOLE truth.... She has a pattern of doing this and It's beginning to build a untrusting feeling within me. I'm not pissed that she did this without talking to me about it, just pissed that she can't tell the truth. Am I wrong for feeling like this. BTW, 20 years married.

Answer 1

Sounds like she figured you would be upset with the $1100 cost.
If she told you ahead of time, I'm getting injections and it's going to cost about a grand, that would be alright with you?
My husband would never go for that, and if I didn't talk to him about it first and just went and did it, he would be really pissed.
So yes, you have a right to be pissed.

Answer 2

Seems like a lot of the responses deal with money and that is interesting. In marriage, I think that decisions need to be made by both partners. If $1,100 is a lot of money to you then, you need to work out a system for sitting down and if both parties say yes, then move forward. One can say no and you don't do it. And of course through communication and bargaining you both can get things you want (and afford).

What works for my wife and I is that each paycheck we each get a set amount of cash that we can spend anyway we want, period. So if I want something that is not in the budget, I can save and get it.

As far as the honest thing, you do need to tell her that his is hurting your trust with her and that because you love her, you will be able to talk about these things sensibly. If you think these things bleed into other areas than money, such as telling you she's going to see her family, but then she does a little of that plus a bunch of other things...then the problem goes even deeper. Anyway, money is a big item of contention in a marriage and the best way to settle it is communication and a budget.

Answer 3

First off, congrats on the 20 years! (Me, too!) After also dealing with just plain withholding information, that way it's not a lie, I've come up with he just does not want to be totally 'open' and like this is some part of his life he wants to keep for himself. I don't agree because I tell him everything. But your wife is not telling you because you get mad, even if you have told her you get more upset when you find out she lied? I hope you confront her each time? Maybe she is one of those compulsive spenders that needs counseling and/or just a limited amount of 'allowance' each week. Do you reveal all your expenditures to her? If you do, ask how she would like it if you started withholding impt. info from her? I could never understand why people can't be honest with each other! It always makes me want to have a big secret from him and let him 'find out' and see how he feels, but I'm not made that way. Too honest? Good luck.

Answer 4

To me, it doesn't matter whether it's a half-truth or not. I believe telling the whole truth, especially to people you care about, is important. It's ok to withhold information or refuse to talk about something, but there really is no reason to lie. And, it totally depends on what you're implying by 'discipline.' I think in this case it's important to talk about the situation together or something like that.

Answer 5

By the sounds of it, she is just worried about your reaction if she was to tell you the whole truth. She probably doesn't even realize that it is starting to put mistrust into your relationship.

If you haven't already sat down and talked to her about this then I would do this. I would help her understand just what it does to you when she only tells half truths. Find out why she feels she can't talk to you about what she is going to do or why she only tells you half the story. Try not to put the blame on her, and make sure you use words like......... when you do that , it makes me feel.......

If you don't work this out now it will continue. I know from a personal experience and the trust issues will become big ones.

Answer 6

Two decades and one could get used to anything.Next time you have an answer,just multiply by a number( from experience ie 2 or3 or 4 or whatever).It's a kind of compulsive habit and a person with it,can't help but means no harm including attempt to lies.If everybody understood women just like that ,the world shall be boring place to live.Relax and have a drink on me.All the best.

Answer 7

She isn't going to know it bothers you if you don't tell her it does. I would sit her down and tell her you found the receipt and get to the bottom of WHY she tells you half truths. Perhaps she is afraid of what you will say? OR, perhaps she feels guilty because the half truths are about things she knows are wrong or that you would think are wrong. It's all about communication. A word of advice, I would let her know that you are happy she isn't doing something completely dishonest (like cheating).....but that you need her to know that you trust her to tell you the truth. If her half truths are about money, she could just be guilty......let her know you're okay with the costs when it is appropriate and when it isn't...be honest about that too.

One question for you...if her half truths are often about money, maybe she hears you gripe about money a lot and she is trying to spare your feelings. Just a thought from a wife who is married to el-cheapo.

Answer 8

Well this happens in a lot of relationships . The reason is not very simple. You will need to sit down with her and talk it out and find out what is the reason behind all this. One reason could be that she feels you might not approve of it . This leads the other person not to confide in you and do things which you may not approve with out your knowledge. Try to come to a compromise on things . Ask her if she expects you to be truth full and it would be right on your part to be truth full.

The absolute truth is very important for any good relationship.

Answer 9

Funny, I just did that with my husband for the first time ever!! I felt so guilty about it that I am planning on going to work to pay it off. I am getting porcelein veneers on my two front teeth and it costs $2900. He knew I was going to do it but we didn't know how much it would cost. When I went for a consultation I just made the decision without consulting him. I guess it's a feeling of "you can't tell me how much money I can spend because you aren't my boss" and "I know you make the money but I work around here too". Anyway, just tell her how you feel about it and find out why she can't tell you the truth. If you want for those money decisions over $1000 or so to be mutual, let her know or try to come to some agreement about when the money decisions should be mutual. I wouldn't want him to go spend several thousand dollars without consulting me.

Answer 10

For some reason, she feels like she can't tell you the whole truth. Talk to her about it, and tell her there is no reason for it. Did she really think that you would never find out how much it really cost?

Tell her that she needs to start telling the truth, even about little things. It sounds like she is a compulsive liar, since she lies about such dumb things. If you tell her that lying about meaningless things makes you wonder what else she's lying about, she should understand. It's a trust issue, and I'm sure she wouldn't like it if you were lying to her!

Answer 11

no, you are not wrong in my opinion. If she keeps this up you will end up building a lot of animosity towards here, hence, causing problems in your marriage. Is she afraid to tell you the whole story because you react harshly to them? Sit her down and tell her how you are feeling and what her half truths are doing to you and eventually your marriage. There has to be trust and honesty or the marriage will fail. If it continues with her, she may need some sort of counciling.