Has anyone ever dealt with emotional abuse?

Question

My husband goes back and forth with me...tells me he loves me one day and the next-he says "I don't like you". I ask to go to counseling and it gets ignored. I get called names like stupid b**** and when I try and fight back, I am the bad guy. I have to scream to make myself heard because he is always talking over me.
I have a 1 1/2 year old son and I really am feeling like divorce may be the best way to go, and to do it now while my son is young.
I am so hurt and angry though-how do I know I am thinking clearly? Please help and please don't be rude, today is not the day for it.

Answer 1

i lived in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for two years. it was the worst time of my life. this guy was more emotionally abusive than he was physical however i guess from time to time he thought he had to "put me in my place". i understand what your going through and believe me when i tell you these people are not worth your time. if he can do this to you imagine what he is going to do to your son. i've seen it first hand every time my ex was around my five year old. and being hurt and angry comes with the territory. you are thinking clearly. you are tired of being made to feel like you are less than what you are. it's rediculous that we let people do this to us. it's not love. and you have to come to grips with that. he doesn't love you. the bad thing was in my case i was seven months pregnant when i was finally able to rid myself of mine. and it took him having a seizure on my bathroom floor to do it. i called an ambulance and called his mom and told her to meet him at he hospital. and that he was never allowed back.
but i know how you feel. one day i was the best thing in the world. and the next i was stupid and if i didn't shut up he was going to punch me in the stomach (while pregnant with his baby) to teach me a lesson. or if he was mad it was my fault because i made him that way. don't live like this. it's not worth it. i have found better and you can too. now i am a goddess and everthing i say has value and merit. my kids are treated like gold. and my daughter never has to know what it feels like to be tormented by him. she is being raised by a good man that loves her like his own. he is her real daddy. if you need to talk further email me @ [e-mail] . good luck hon and please don't deal with this a whole lot longer.

Answer 2

Wow. That is so crazy you posted this question. I am going through the same thing. I try and change him but he is still abusive. My ex has the same patterns. Be an a** at night and then tell me how he is going to treat me so good. bs. I am done. It has been 3 years of waste for me life is way too short to deal with jerks. I can relate to the worthless feeling in my opinion he is not worth it. I finally after 3 years have come to this conclusion. It is so crazy. I can relate to your situation 100 percent. I always said if a man laid hands on me I would leave. 10 bruises and a forehead scar later. I can tell you what it is. You love him and want to bbelievehe will be better. He won't trust me it is a pattern among many. It makes perfect ssenseto me. Here is a saying that helped me: "decide you want it more than you are afraid of it." I had to decide I wanted my dignity and respect more than I wanted a loser.

Answer 3

That's a really good question as so many of us are living under the same circumstances as you. Emotional abuse is difficult to prove too, it's very insidious. If he hit you you could go to the police and have proof. But if you went into court claiming emotional abuse it's a "he said, she said" situation.

I'm going through that very thing right now and will probably try to find a good lawyer to make sure that I don't lose out (financially) if I decide to leave him.

I have a teenage son and it's a constant concern that he his learning his dad's behavior. I quite honestly don't know how to handle it with him.

Best of luck to you. I hope it works out in the best possible way for you and your child.

Answer 4

This won't get better. It is in his nature. He could meet someone else and be nice for a while and then his real self will come out. It is some kind of mental illness. He doesn't think he deserves happiness so he makes every day unpredictable. He talks over you because he doesn't want to resolve anything. If he wanted happiness he would sit down and say LOOK DARLING, I HAVE THESE WANTS AND NEEDS THAT YOU DON'T FULFIL AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE TOLD ME THAT YOU CAN'T READ MY MIND, I REALISE YOU ARE NOT VERY INTELLIGENT BECAUSE ONLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE CAN READ MY MIND. ANYWAY, TO MAKE MY DAY GO MORE SMOOTHLY, HERE IS A LIST OF MY LIKES AND DISLIKES. COULD YOU CONSIDER THIS PLEASE? GIVE ME A LIST OF YOUR LIKES AND DISLIKES AND I WILL TRY TO CONSIDER THOSE TOO.

Leave him, and hope that he will soon get another girlfriend to focus his hate on. It will hurt at first seeing him be nice to her the way he was to you in the beginning. Because you think IF HE WAS THIS NICE TO ME, WE WOULD STILL BE TOGETHER.

Then don't get another man just like him. Observe the next one for a long long time before living with him.

Answer 5

Honey emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse because it eats away all your confidence. It's not good for your son to be in the unstable environment. Maybe seperate for a couple months and see if he realizes what he's missing. But, if things don't improve then I would honestly seek a way out of the relationship, because often times emotional abuse leads to physical abuse and you definatly do not want your son around that type of environment. Good luck honey.

Answer 6

I can't tell you what to do with your life. Only you can make that decision for yourself. If it was me though this is what I would do. You should pick a good day for you and him when he was showing affection and sit him down and ask him why he does that. Try not to cry when you ask him. Men think that is a sign of weakness in women & honestly you should just ask him do you love me? If you do why do you yell at me and call me names all the time. You should be holding your son you need to remind him that, that lil angel in your arms is his doing. And that you both love him. But he is hurting you on the inside really bad. If it comes down to it. Tell him your not afraid to go stay at your moms or a friends for a couple of days. To let him get a taste of what it is like with out you.
You know the best answer to everything is the Lord. He will help you just ask him. "Ask and Thou shall recieve"
Good Luck

Answer 7

Abuse is abuse, whether it's physical, emotional, or mental. I was in a marriage where I was lonelier than if I'd lived alone! It's those emotional bruises that stay inside and refuse to heal. You and your son deserve better than this! Be strong and make a good life for the two of you!

Answer 8

I find that when dealing with emotional abuse, a journal helps, keep his words out of your head, when he says anything negative towards you write it down on paper. You are a strong woman and you should not allow any man to tear you down, rob you of your confidence. As for the marriage, that is one decision you have to make for you and your son. But keep in mind that you are modeling life and expectations of life for your son, sounds like daddy may need a reality check, perhaps a separation is in order, you and your son deserve more. Back to getting it on paper, perhaps a pros and cons list, Write down reasons to stay and reasons to leave, be honest with your self, seeing it all down on paper always seems to make it clearer where you should go with your next move.
Blessings to you!

Answer 9

I don't know how to emphatize your position as a wife and mother but I do know how to emphathize in terms of abuse. It is similar to my situation where I have this love and hate relationship with someone. A roller coaster of emotions where one day we would be friends and the next the worst enemies. Mainly because of the way he bullies me by using harsh words like your husband. My counselor said that if this is a cycle of love and hate then maybe you should cut ties with this person especially since it lowers your self-esteem and makes you feel as if your the most vicious person on earth. Be proactive and tell him in a serious tone (be it in a loud or low voice) what you really feel about him and what sort of effect it has on you. After having said all of what you need to let him hear, I do believe it is in the best interest of you and your son to leave him. Emotional abuse is just as hurtful as the physical ones only you cannot see the bruises. It can go on for the rest of your life. If your husband keeps doing it to you, who is to say one day he wont do it to your child? If you need to scream to be heard like I did, you need to talk to someone who would listen without prejudice, someone you can trust or someone like a therapist (mine was the guidance councelor). If your husband deals with it by shutting you out then its best you get out of a marriage where he wont listen to your side.Because I believe marriage takes compromise, how would you begin to compromise if he/she won't listen to his/her other half and always having your way? Doesn't it count as selfish?

Answer 10

yes, i dealt with it, i kicked him out, and he's living with his mommy and daddy now, he was a very passive agressive man, and i finally got sick of feeling like i was always the one that was wrong. i could never leave the house unless i had the kids with me, they were my responsibility and not his, according to him. he made me resent my girls, and i hate him for that. you don't need to feel like you're the one at fault, and you don't need to be called names. if he won't go to counseling or anything like that, then you don't need to be with him. at this point, i wouldn't even give him another chance, just don't be there one day when he gets home. he'll figure it out, and if he wants you back, he can change from a distance. don't go back until you KNOW he's better, and if he doesn't get better, you'll be better off anyhow. good luck