I m Rekha my hubby's name is Varun and I love Amit who is married with Meena I have 2 kids i m 39 and Amit is 52 he also hv 2 kids my daughter in 10 & son in 7 Amit's son will marry in Dec 2007 and IInd son is doing engg. I am working salary only 8000 my husband do not do anything and not earning a single penny i do all househld exp. in my 8000 salary ( my marriage date is Jan 1988) In 1996 when i worked in amit's factory we both fall in love So, we decided that i will resign from amit's factory b'coz we want to be personal relation with each other then official work is going held on so we decided otherwise personal relation or official relation i have change my job since 96 to till we r frnds i m getting now 8000 & amit is giving me per mnth 2500 we usually on telphone daily 2-3 hrs & meet after 2-3 days normally he help me everytime when I will be in prblm. daily we talk on telephone 2-3 hrs from last 12 yrs we love each other so much Is our relation right or wrong ?
2007-09-11 00:25:02 · 24 answers · asked by indian 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can understand your mental condition at this age. You married a wrong guy in 1988 & had to join job in 1996 because of your financial needs. You met this man Amit who used you as a sex object to fulfill his sexual frustration. He was careful to make you join another job in order to save his reputation in the society, but continued his sexual venture & paid you a petty sum of Rs2500/- per month as compensation for your sexual service to him. You being a lady, having a sentimental approach towards this sexual relationship calls it love between both of but from your inner self you know its just the sexual frustration that you & this man are satisfying with each other nothing more. You being quite senior in your job but still not being adequately paid makes the things more worse. You have tried to look for other avenues like small business opportunities & even outstation jobs, but due to financial constrains & responsibilities of your children you could not venture these. I do not know from which part of India you belong but the salary you get now is much too little as nowadays more then this salary is being given to fresher in call-centres. At this stage you should be getting a salary not less then Rs25000/- per month with more then 10 years experience. I would have charged not less the Rs5500/- for providing any legal advice to any one for such issue & legal options open for the person to proceed in such a case, leave aside the amount of my professional fee for taking up the divorce matter in such a case. Considering all these aspects the only solution left for you is to either leave the present place where you stay & find new job in some other city & shift there with your family. The other option left with you is to tell this man Amit to financially compensate you so that you can start your own small scale business. This man had been very clever as he used you but did not give you proper monetary compensation. In case you think he will continue this relationship for ever then forget it. He will just pick & throw you out of his life once his son gets married & a daughter in law is there in the family, at that stage he won't even recognize you to keep his high reputation before the daughter in law & her family members. You must act now & get you due compensation from this man. As far your husband is concerned he is good for nothing & he deserves to be left alone, but since you have small children it will not be suitable for you to go in for dissolution of marriage at this stage, even otherwise this man would seek monthly maintenance from you as he being unemployed & as you both being Hindus married according to Hindu form of marriage & any dissolution of marriage is covered under the provisions of the Hindu Marriage Act,1955 where even unemployed husband can seek monthly maintenance from his earning wife during the pendency of any of the petition under this Act & even after the passing of any order/decree on any petition. This legal issue should not be ignored by you while thinking of divorce from him. At the age of 39 years+ a mature attitude is expected from you & not a behavior of 20 years lady as I can see in your question. Hope this advice given by me will have some soothing effect on your mind & you will do needful as advised
2007-09-11 22:25:40 · answer #1 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 10⤊ 0⤋
Extra marital relationships are legally and morally wrong.
You have said that you and Amit love each other. In order to keep the relationship intact, you have switched jobs.
If you truly love each other, why haven't either of you made any real effort to divorce your respective spouses and get married? Honestly, it is hard to believe that Amit pays you Rs. 2500 monthly just to have telephone conversations and meetings. Sex might be part of the deal if I'm not wrong.
If that is true, what does it all come to? You are being paid to satisfy him physically. You are being used and exploited with no real chance to be his wife now or in the future. If you are still comfortable with the idea, carry on. If not, stop this relationship immediately.
2007-09-11 06:45:32 · answer #2 · answered by Modest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wrong.You are in love with a married person.Just think about it,his son is going to marry & if someone from your or his family comes to know of this relationship then what are the consequences you know it.Loving a man is not wrong but in a married life it becomes CHEATING.Is there any problems between you n your hubby?Why dont you first try n save your marriage by seeking counselling?This relationship with your boss is going to create a BIG problem.You have 2 options-1. Save your marriage by seeking counselling or 2.if the problem is beyond your control & want to get out of this relationship divorce him n then see some other guy.But please dont go for married guys,dont ruin others marriage.Do you think you will be happy by loving a guy & who is married,you know you are breaking that woman's heart & her relationship.Dont get me wrong & i dont hope it would happen to you but then also just imagine what if this would have happened to you?Sorry,i am not being rude by asking you this question but just advising you Think What You're Doing & Then Decide What Is Right & What Is Wrong.
2007-09-11 04:36:42 · answer #3 · answered by coolblue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you divulged so many personal details? Moreover,what's ur salary got to do with this question? Are you trying to earn sympathy?
This relation is indeed wrong,Renu. You both are playing with so many lives.Have you ever wondered what will happen if this matter cums into light? This Amit is cheating on his wife and am sorry to say,so are you. Will he marry you if you go to him,leaving your husband and kids? Will he forsake his family for you? I don't think so.
Will you like it if your husband too maintains such a relationship with another woman?
End this relationship immediately.I kno,its going to be tough,coz you hav been continuing this for 12 years,but better late than never.Wipe out this person from your life before things start going from bad to worse.
2007-09-11 00:45:20 · answer #4 · answered by Sunflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don’t listen to Hippocrates, who point with their fingers on you...
Who would like to live such a life with a lazy husband living on your cost... I would have left somebody like that since many years.
I think you already know, what it’s good for you and that’s why you are 12 years sharing this secret.
I mean, it’s your life and your happiness and it’s really enough now... since centuries women are supposed to suffer and support almost everything, as long as they keep their husbands happy.
Your husband is using and abusing you.
He doesn’t work and he doesn’t cooperate in the household. So you have to work out and inside the house and your husband is doing nothing, just hanging around, playing the big boss and spending your money...
Get rid of him in the first place, as at least you would to have one person less on your cost and you would be free to choose and live your own life.
I don’t know, if you really love this other man or not, maybe you just see in him some kind of hero who rescues you from your bitter life... and it’s understandable, regarding your situation.
Maybe it’s more than that and you do really love him... but you don’t know, if he would leave his family for you or not.
In any case, what can you loose?
I would prefer to be on my own than living with an enemy at home.
First leave your husband and then you will see what happens, in the case your friend does not leave his wife, well, who says, that you both can’t go on with the kind of relation ship you have right now?
2007-09-11 02:26:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anita P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and Amit are cheating spouses and should be ashamed of it.
You are destroying 2 families WITH CHILDREN.
He does not love you. He feels sorry for you and thus is helping you cuz you cry in front of him all the time as your husband does not work.
If sex is involved. You are a prostitute and Amit is paying you for your services.
In every case there is no love between you and Amit.
So grow up.
2007-09-14 22:43:24 · answer #6 · answered by feysunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before replying you Rekha, I have read all answers which have already posted.
1st of all you did a great mistake by publishing all of your names, you never know who can spying your email to get all about your private life.
2nd is Love can happen at any moment & at any age in our life.
Love is not bounded by money or social status.
But the thinkable state is how our children get along with our new man in our life.
So, better to proceed its going as usual in next future, if you both can find out that your children do not need you as your married partner too....then you both can choose the new life peacefully.
2007-09-11 01:00:36 · answer #7 · answered by Gargi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, amit may be using u, & all should have tolerence, life there will be a problem, amit is just yr fantacy, dream are always better then real but they r not real. u r dreming now., so stop dreaming & wake up, give moral support to yr hubby, that will work.
2007-09-12 23:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by JAMES 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rekha jee your Kids age need more attendance for their growth..I don't think you are doing that because your mind is into your Lover..you really are getting Big mistake..your relationship is due to money because your friend help you..I understand you may respect your friend for that..but don't go out of limit for that.. See your kids future first don't let them know about your relationship but they might know because you call him regularly, this age kids has lots of curiosity..they sure will find about you..I'm sure one day you will lose your kids that time you will be regretted..
2007-09-11 15:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by Diya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its difficult.
you have been behind your husband very long, which was wrong,
it doesn't matter anymore since you trying to come out now and hoping to solve this helping your self from laying every day,what i want to know you think would be best???
i would say be honest and tell your husband, whether he likes it or not and explain this to your kids its not going to work as you did your best all these years.
its sound like you husband never try to work in this relationship from financial side, it is easy to advice but to do...you'll be better off with 1 less thing to worry about so, make sure your boyfriends also tell his wife, guys tends to back off when it come to admitting affairs with other females,
everyone need to learn to make right choices i always encourage no matter who that is even in my own parents who live they life making each other life's miserable still continuing, just today i adviced my dad to move out living my mum.. becoz i wanna c them happy...in 2 months he will be if he doesn't i will move away never to contact them again, i been try everything to help them to understand each other but i tell you nothing,,,i learn so much from my parents i will never make same mistake with my husband.
go on fix it for you self it wont happen it self..god may help you do right thing
prity
2007-09-11 01:07:57 · answer #10 · answered by prity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just thinking about the two of you in the relationship . Please put yourself in your children's shoes and amits sons shoes and his wife's shoes . do you really think any sane Indian will approve this. They have a name for this. There is love in this relationship . But please have consideration for the other people in the society . If in case you get caught then it will be very bad. Think of the consequences before you do any thing . It is wrong.
2007-09-11 00:40:35 · answer #11 · answered by Antony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋