Recently my 4 year old has asked many times if he can do an activity (something that requires money, like chuckie cheese etc) sometimes we do and others we don’t because I explain that mommy doesn’t have extra money for fun things. THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM……………HERE is my problem…….READ ON!
My son has followed up his request with a “daddy will take me but you need to give him back his money”…what?!
He has said this to me several times recently, saying, “Daddy will take me but YOU have his money! GIVE daddy back his money!”
The only conclusion I can come to is that my evil, twisted ex is manipulating our child by using his state required and garnished (for refusal to pay) child support as leverage! I realize he is unhappy about paying it, but our son is too young to understand what child support is about (an trust me as any single parent can tell you every dime goes into my sons expenses!).
MY EX NEEDS to stop!! But how do I approach him?………He is stubborn, argumentative, bitter (for god sake I left him in 2003) and will retaliate if I confront him. I don’t want to make the situation worse.
I can try to explain to him how damaging and confusing this is for our son but he wont care…just short of calling him choice words and telling him where to go…I don’t know how to approach him or how to confront him about what he has been saying recently…………as well as the “daddy says mommy can piss off”
As a child psych major I realize the damage and inner conflicts this is causing my son and I want to avoid as much “drama” as possible………..
What would you say how would you approach this?
2007-09-10 22:23:46 · 13 answers · asked by ashlynn n 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the rude person who made the statments, I was stating with daycare cost, clothing, food and other expenses any single income family can understand that all the childsupport money is spend on the CHILD!
And to add to that.........I have NEVER made a negative comment about my ex to my child or in front of it!
I understand the potential damages of "parent war"......I will AVoid them! if at all possible!
2007-09-10 22:39:42 · update #1
Leave the EX alone, he's a FOOL,
and talk to your Son.
Tell him what the money helps pay for.
Home, food, lights...
2007-09-10 22:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by elliebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you try to talk to the ex, it will do NO good. And he seems like the type that will always look for ways to get at you since he is a bitter a**. I would suggest telling your son that its a silly game that daddy and mommy play. Pretend it doesnt bother you when he says those things. When your son says " Give daddy back his money", just laugh a little and say "ok i will do that" and change the subject. He is 4 and if you dont appear upset, then he likely wont either. REally, your ex will stay a jerk but let him play by himself and dont react or send messages back via your son. In the long run, it will be better for you and your son and maybe the ex will get tired of solo dramas. good-luck.
2007-09-11 10:43:58 · answer #2 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he will retaliate if you confront him and then you ask how to confront him. you say he will not listen and then you ask how to approach him....
listen, you seem to know this guy pretty well. why say anything to him at all? according to you, it won't help.
sure, he probably is doing it just to get back at you. and sure, it probably is creating conflict in your son. but it seems obvious that the answer is not in saying anything to your ex but it lies elsewhere....
1. Talk to your son. Tell him the truth that you do not have the money, that you do not have Daddy's money, and that you would love to take him here or there but you can't right now.
2. hug your son, love your son, make sure he knows you love him.
3. do not talk bad about your ex in front of your son. Tell your son that you and daddy do not agree on certain things but do not denigrate him in front of your son!
4. if you talk to your ex, control your emotions and words. Don't say anything if you can't say something nice. Keep your thoughts to yourself. If you don't control your words, your ex will gain greater control over you.
5. finally, and most important, turn to God. sounds trite maybe but as you turn to God, your situation and/or your attitude will change. God can help, give you wisdom, guidance. God can change your heart. Learn to pray. Read your bible. Get involved in a local church. There are many many resources for single moms that are based in good solid biblical understanding....
god bless
2007-09-11 05:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by happy pilgrim 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To your son I would use simple answers like. "I'm sorry sweetie, mommy had to use that money to get food for us to eat so I don't have it any more." That will make perfect sense to him without putting down his daddy or confusing him. Relative to the "mommy can piss off" slap, just explain that the word is inappropriate and leave it at that.
As for your ex, talk to your lawyer and ask if anything can be done. This IS damaging to your son and a lousy example of manhood for him. You approaching him is probably not going to help. But if he wants to continue seeing his son, he needs to shape up.
Good luck. I hope your ex grows up soon, but it looks like you're in for a long nasty battle.
2007-09-11 05:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow ,sounds like it's good he's your "ex" and not your "current".
I wish I had good advice for you. All I can say is, try to find an intermediary to tell your ex to knock it off. Are you on good terms with his folks? Would your lawyer be willing to discuss this for a fee? Perhaps your lawyer could send his lawyer a letter.
You definitely need to find a way to express that is NOT okay to teach your child bad language and lack of respect for you. Perhaps your lawyer can threaten him with a change in his visitation rights. And he'd STILL have to pay child support. '
Best of luck.
2007-09-11 05:33:02 · answer #5 · answered by ddd 874 587 545 543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is 4 years old, you are a child psychology major,you are his mother..apply the 20/80 rule..20 is his reaction and 80 is your action.with your TLC and not confusing your son on your part.Daddy is doing enough damage, emotionally blackmailing him and you.let him be..believe in yourself and what goes round comes round...financially it would solved a lot of issues..but as you and i know money cannot buy true love, money cannot buy happiness.
once in a while indulge in chuckie cheese..for his sake..May you be happy someday and remember life is like a wheel sometimes we are down but other times we are up..all the best sweetheart.
2007-09-11 05:38:17 · answer #6 · answered by World 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are going through this....I think I would approach it like this, I would kinda ask him (your son) why does he say that? I know he is only 4 , but then you will be able to see why he is saying what he is saying. You know kids say things that they really don't understand.
Besides, you can't always give kids everything that they want. Good Luck
2007-09-11 12:15:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the ex just deal with your son. Each time he asks for you to give daddy his money back just say "daddy has no money, the money I have is ours not his. Daddy has to find a job to make his own money".
2007-09-11 05:32:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would approach him about it politely and if still he continues, I would see what could be done about your ex only having supervised visits with your son to prevent it from getting worse.
2007-09-11 05:32:19 · answer #9 · answered by Christy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give the ex custody.
2007-09-11 05:51:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋