I am upset but perhaps I am being unreasonable. He says it is compelling and a form of entertainment but I feel hurt and afraid. He has been to treatment for coke a few times. He hasn't had a slip in over five months. I am afraid it will lead to something else and am strangely jealous as well. Any ideas>
He has agreed not to communicate with the strangers since in April that is how he found the supplier of the cocaine (through craigslist personals).
He is a very charming wonderful man. This is just eating me alive, or rather I am letting it.
2007-09-10 18:05:16 · 15 answers · asked by sad in Seattle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw I am a very sexual person, I am in great shape, look just like I did when we married, cook and clean every day and am a hard worker. Some say I am cute.
2007-09-10 18:16:48 · update #1
He says to me it is no different than me reading a book.
2007-09-10 18:22:24 · update #2
He looks up other odd/amusing/morbid things, he says those are no different than this.
2007-09-10 18:47:13 · update #3
He searches all personals not just mfm. But he answers mfm as well as others
2007-09-11 03:05:34 · update #4
Sorry, he cannot be charming if he does this to you, for it is devious.
You need to decide to stay or go
2007-09-10 18:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though we can say you are "letting it" eat you up, it is an unhealthy lifestyle. If he cannot just let go it for a healthier way of life, it's unlikely he ever will. You are not being unreasonable -though he will tell you that because he does not want to give this up. You don't have to argue him out of this, it's unhealthy for both of you, but if he doesn't see that, or says he sees that, but it's his choice, or any other answer but "I'll go get help immediately, " and then does that, get out of it. A drug user, will drag you down and steal all the life you could have had with someone else who has a healthy life.
Read "The Sociopath Nextdoor." When you do, you will see your charming, selfish, personally foolish, husband. And realize you have fallen prey to a sociopath and need an escape route -NOW!
2007-09-10 19:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would explain to him that part of his "rehab" involves giving himself the best chance possible at succeeding and kicking his habit. Continuing to associate even "for kicks" with the very thing that got him into trouble to begin with is practically BEGGING for relapse. Tell him that it is making it harder for you to trust him, no matter how much you really want to-- because he is continuing to tempt himself, and you are afraid that he will fall to that temptation just like he did the first time(s). He should not forget that he is in a position where he has to EARN your trust. If he is sincere about doing that, he should agree to find other entertainment. The world is a very busy place full of books, movies, video games, golf-- whatever he's into. If he doesn't have a better hobby now than surfing Craig's list ads, there is no time like the present. And until you are satisfied that he has removed himself from "at-risk" situations, I would keep a close eye on him. Would you trust a recovering alcoholic that wants to go to a bar just to "hang out"? Um . . . . right. Moving on then . . . . Sign up for a couples cooking class or take a nice vacation, even just for a few days. Get him away from the temptation and show him that there is much more to life-- like spending quality time with his wife. If not, demand counseling.
2007-09-10 18:15:36 · answer #3 · answered by drivenmusicnyc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think perhaps your man has an addictive personality. He may need therapy to avoid falling into another unhealthy addiction. As the former spouse of a sex addict, I can tell you charming and wonderful does not preclude addictions. If he is unwilling to get help you just might need to leave him, for your own sanity. 2 yrs after the end of my marriage I recognize that had I put my foot down years ago I wouldn't have had such a meltdown when it ended.
BTW He says you are being unreasonable because he is selfish and prone to addiction. If it were a drug he was persuing, what would you think? If he was persuing single women what would you think?
2007-09-10 18:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by navy_brat913 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say he's cruising craigslist for men? Then it doesn't matter if you were the most beautiful, most sexual woman on earth. He is gay. He is probably in denial about it, as are you. You need to get out of there. He could be putting your health in danger! I'm under the impression that MFM stands for male for male.
2007-09-10 18:37:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would a charming wonderful man be searching personals for mfm, drugs and sex? A form of entertainment my *ss! He is looking to cheat and looking for drugs.
2007-09-10 18:16:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. He is an addict (even if in recovery) and addicts lie.
2. He hasn't slipped in five months - that you know of.
3. His surfing those things is a dangerous excitement - he craves that, judging from his drug of choice.
4. You are codependent - search google and read up on it - I promise you that you will see yourself there. You cannot control him, what he surfs, or even if he relapses again - know this to the bottom of your soul and know that it's not you or anything you did wrong or anything you can prevent.
5. You obviously don't trust him - listen to your gut.
2007-09-10 18:11:35 · answer #7 · answered by lookinforanswers 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uhhhhh....why are you even with him? He may use the excuse that it's compelling and a form of entertainment, but he's actually looking. He's storing that away for when he decides he wants to relapse. Furthermore, shouldn't he be looking to YOU for entertainment? He's selfish in my opinion. He knows this bothers you yet he still does it. He obviously has no respect for you or your feelings. Run run away. They say Hitler was rather charming as well.
2007-09-10 18:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by six3x 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Joulsey is right! But be careful a slip can come at anytime during the first year. Watch his behavior because craiglist is a VERY dangerous thing to be spending time in. Try to distill in you trust and pray he will be honest with you. Pray for your relationship and You are in my prayers.
2007-09-10 18:20:16 · answer #9 · answered by Da B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, sometimes I do the same thing. My partner and I get a good laugh from craigslist. Either choose to trust your spouse or don't. Do talk to him about how you feel, but I think you're being a bit unreasonable too.
2007-09-10 18:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Charming and wonderful you say?....I say not. I would not be married to a man like this...But you picked him, and put up with his crap. He should not be on the computer period. Did he go to rehab? Do you have kids? I say you have some decisions to make..
2007-09-10 18:14:37 · answer #11 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋