Before my husband and I met, the most important people in his life were his niece and nephews. Especially his niece. He thinks she's perfect, wonderful, beautiful, etc. I think she's just the typical spoiled blond girl. I think they are okay children, but I don't want to make them my top priority the way he has.
He tells me that he loves them the same as me, but they get unconditional love while I only get conditional love. As his wife, I'm not "family," so he can't be sure he'll always love me.
Personally, I'm offended that my husband loves me the same as he does a spoiled six year old. Actually, due to his constant criticism of me, I'm pretty sure he loves this kid a whole lot more than he does me, and that seems dysfunctional. Am I out of line for thinking my husband should love me unconditionally and more than he loves his sister's kid? I'm sick of being second priority after a little kid!
2007-09-10 17:28:20 · 12 answers · asked by Trying to do the right thing 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess I should point out that he criticizes everything about me- clothes, what time I eat lunch, what books I read, what I wear, how I answer the phone, you name it. In the meantime, he constantly talks about how beautiful his niece is with her long blond hair, (he emphasizes the pretty blond hair all the time- I'm a brunette!) how great she is, smart, talented, athletic, sweet, etc. I mentioned that she seemed a little spoiled (gets anything and everything she wants,) and he went crazy telling me that she deserved to be spoiled because she was so perfect. I asked if he would love his own future children the same way, and he said he would love his children the same as his nieces and nephews, NOT more! Let's just say I won't have children with him any time soon if he wouldn't love his own kids more than someone else's! He now says that he wants a divorce because I don't love his niece as much as he does. I didn't say anything bad, she's nice enough, I'm just not as charmed as he is
2007-09-10 17:50:45 · update #1
And yes, though I know he doesn't do anything inappropriate, his obsession with his niece in particular is bordering on perverted! He likes the nephews, but is completely devoted to his niece. This is a fifty year old man!
2007-09-10 17:55:36 · update #2
I would leave him more for his constant criticism of you than anything else. You're 'not family'?! Your spouse is supposed to be the most important person in your life, not your nieces and nephews. He seems to be kind of imbalanced to be that devoted to her. If he wants a divorce, give it to him and if he doesn't, well that's just tough. You shouldn't play second fiddle to a little kid that's not his and he shouldn't criticize you that way.
2007-09-11 05:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you not see this before you married your husband? This is so weird.....your husband shouldn't love his niece in any way close to the way he should love you. I would be offended as well if my husband were to say to me what your husband said to you. Why are you still with him?
I am sorry...but your husband's obsession with his niece is very very creepy.....are you absolutely sure that there is nothing more going on? I had one of those "funny" uncles...if you know what I mean. He should love his niece....but this goes way beyond what I would say is normal. He is wanting to divorce you because you don't have this same obsessive love for his niece? He needs to see a psychiatrist.
2007-09-10 17:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what you are showing is your immaturity right now. I don't mean to sound harsh but even if this girl is spoiled as you say that would not be her fault she is only 6. Who is the adult here?. Second if your husband is showing you anything maybe he is showing you how he might interact with your own children in the future. You are the one who really sounds like the spoiled brat I need attention I need attention. Give me a break. Give the man some credit for wanting to love his family and especially the children. Most men don't give kids the time of day. I am sure if you stop analyzing the situation so much and stop being so petty you just might see the other side of the coin here. Are you jealous because he buys her things and maybe spends time w/her you think should be spent w/you? You said he also spends time w/his nephews but you seem focused on this little girl. All I can say is jealous. I think you really need to see that all he may want is a family or think of the fact that he loves children. You probably knew this about him before you married him right. So maybe if you change your attitude towoards this situation there might not be so much criticism coming from him. That is probably how he relaliates. I hope all works out well for both of you. Good luck to you.
2007-09-10 17:43:05 · answer #3 · answered by Darkchild 4 · 0⤊ 5⤋
Not family?! A husband and wife CHOOSE one another while we get blood relations through a genetic lotto. You should be your husband's priority, but you can make that much easier by giving up the resentment you seem to feel toward his niece.
2007-09-10 17:37:12 · answer #4 · answered by detailgirl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't make someone love u period. If he has priaroritys over u then that relationship won't work no mater what. Why have kids with him? If he loves u as much as her then walk out of his life. You have seen and heard enough. People don't change and he won't change thing will get worse just leave him and find a real man no a nanny kid lover.
2016-09-10 18:54:47 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wife should be his first priority. Did you say you are NOT family to him? And he is not sure he'll always love you? I think you heard enough to let him be the father figure to his niece and move on with your life. Good luck!
2007-09-10 17:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by Knight 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is about FOREVER! Why did he marry you if he thought he couldn't love you that long?? If he makes you feel the need to ask questions like this - you already know you aren't "number 1" and never will be.
YOU SHOULD BE! So, if you are going to be happy, either accept that you aren't his priority and that you can't change him - or GET OUT! Get out to find someone who will give you all the love you need and all that romance that we all dream of. (you know he's out there!)
2007-09-10 17:39:12 · answer #7 · answered by Kyahoo13 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer and get that divorce. Be sure to tell this girls mother that the "uncle" wanted a divorce because he choose the 6yr old over his wife. Something is rotten in Denmark, and you should at least warn her.
Then thank your lucky stars that you are free to find someone who actually cares about you, as this man does not.
2007-09-10 17:54:34 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A wife/husband is a mate. Your mate is for life, everything else is just temporary.
I hate to say it but, leave. You are only hurting yourself by staying.
2007-09-10 17:46:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm stumped just by the fact your jealous of an innocent 6 year old child , the fact you mention she's blond also bugs me , does hair colour matter? , as to the point that he loves you the same as he loves them , ummm your his wife and if he is loving you in the same way he loves his niece then something is seriously wrong with the both of you.
You love your partner unconditionally until they screw up and lose your trust , to compare his love for you to children is just sick.
he critisizes you because your acting like a child over being jealous of children , your in an un-healthy relationship period.
Why do you hate kid's so much? how many sibling's did you grow up with ? how did your parents rank you in the scheme of the family tree?.
You have some issues that arent mentioned here I think you need to speak to someone.
2007-09-10 17:38:49 · answer #10 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 2⤊ 6⤋