She is always mean to me, she cusses at me and calls me really nasty things, slaps me, and tells me to move out! I'm only 14, and I can't stand her split personalities! Like at Church, she is like nice, and sweet, and friendly. She always puts her arm around me like she cares, and all of my friends think she is so great! I don't know what to do! She tells me that my 3.5 GPA doesn't matter, and I'll never be successful as she is! She is only a Respiratory Therapist, and she doesn't even go to work anymore. She thinks she's so much better than everyone, because she has a nice car, and she trach talks everyone. And she thinks everyone is jealous of her. She even tells me that I'm short, and I'm 5'9, and she's 5'6! I can't even stand being with her anymore! Do you have any advice for me? Thanks.
2007-09-10 16:27:09 · 29 answers · asked by ♥DCM 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I have told her how I feel, and then she does it even more.
2007-09-10 16:33:00 · update #1
Honey, you need to talk to your school counselor as soon as possible! Please go first thing in the morning, talking with your counselor is an excusable absence or tardiness to class. He / She is trained to handle these situations, you are not stuck with any one counselor at school either, you can see any of them, pretty much at any time. Every day this goes on with out intervention is a another day your self esteem and your soul takes another beating.
If you are not happy with the suggestions of one counselor, see another the same day or the next. I had a father everyone thought was a "wonderful" family man. What went on behind closed doors was deplorable and would have made them vomit! Please don't put this off, you can even talk to a teacher or any of the administrators. They will know what to do, and how to help you!
2007-09-10 16:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by ReBelle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, Melissa, I agree with the other two answerer's, this sounds terrible, I have heard of mothers being jealous of their daughters and this may be a case of this, but it is more than that and it is actually abuse.
Shocking to think that some daughters have mothers that are not really doing their part and being role models and being mothers.
Maybe you could stay with friends or relatives for a while and get yourself away from the situation even if for awhile.
I know I could not stand being in such a toxic environment as it would do my head in.
Un believable really, and may I say not nice for you.
If confronted, she may have a reason for her behaviour but there really is no excuse for the subtle and not so subtle put downs, and that is without the support and love you have a right to be receiving.
It is not about you, her behaviour I mean, so don't think that.
I think you need to try and find a different place to live for awhile. Where is your father in all of this. Do you have relatives near by, grandparents, friends.
Or even holidays coming up where you can go away and be somewhere else for awhile, so the two of you can have some space from each other.
Blessings to you and trust it will work out for the best.
2007-09-10 23:41:42 · answer #2 · answered by Astro 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I never thought I would really get along with my mom well or get her to understand me or be friends with me, but all that changed; before she died we became best of friends and things I would have kept secret from her as a teen and in my early 20s, I started opening up to her.
She was in a mental hospital ward when I was a little girl, and there were things that happened. Maybe get your mom some mental help and evaluated. I was told some years ago that when I was about 5 and went to school, I acted strange so authorities checked it out and sent her for help; I can't remember it much.
Your mom could just need to have a stay in a mental hospital or could be going through menopausal changes that make her act like this and just needs to be evaluated. Has she always been like this or has it been recent? That can mean the difference between if it is a mental or a menopausal problem. Talk to a counselor and pastor at a different or same church (they may want to do some kind of faith healing on her) and school (they may send her to authorities who can put her on proper medications and give both of you the right kind of psychological support system you both need to get through this together) about this after tape recording or video taping some of her conversations. Get something voice activated or something you can turn on with a remote control. Also write documentations of when each event happens, just in case, and hide them. She may not even be aware how she is acting and how it looks to you until another adult confronts her with the recordings.
Try to get counseling for both of you to resolve the issues. And keep working on it.
When you get older everything might change for the better as both of you work on the relationship.
2007-09-10 23:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by candor 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you have a father by the way? If so ask to live with him or tell him what is going on. If you do not have a father, tell your grandparents, a counselor, a teacher, a friends parents, or just someone you can trust that can get you help which would probably no be a good idea to tell on of your 14 year old friends because you don't want to start gossip or rumors or anything like that.
2007-09-10 23:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by volcom girl. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is insecure and I suspect suffering from a mental disorder, maybe she is borderline multiple personality. I'd say that because my sister is the same and she went to hospital once and they diagnosed her.
What about your father? Could you go live with him or any other relatives? I think for the sake of your own mental health you should consider moving out and away from such a negative influence. What shes doing to you know could affect who you become as an adult.
BTW you are only 14 and havn't stopped growing yet, so I'm sure you'll only become taller and taller than her.
God I hope it gets better. Truly I do.
The emotional abuse (and sometimes physical) abuse that I suffered from my sister all my life has already its taken its toll on me. I hope you make your escape before it really changes you.
2007-09-10 23:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Chloe G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom was exactly the same way! You can't do too much but it is illegal for her to leave a mark on you. My mom beat me so bad one time that she pulled a huge chunk of hair from my head and gave me a black eye. I called the police to make it stop and she went to jail. It took her a while to beat me again but mostly she threw stuff from me. She still can't get a job anywhere she might have to care for people because of that arrest. If it gets too serious, by all means, call the cops. No one deserves to be beat for any reason. If you tell the police they may place you in a group home or foster home...beware of that, while some are good and help you and your mom with therapy...others are really really bad and don't help you at all. Do some research dear and do what's best for you and your sanity.
2007-09-10 23:32:25 · answer #6 · answered by April K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would just freeze her out. Ignore her as much as possible. Go to your room, close your door. If she wants to pull an authority trip be polite, perfectly polite, but in your mind ignore her. Spend as much time away from her and away from home as you can, study at the library, or at a friends house. Get a job if you can, it will keep you away from home and away from her and give you your own money so she can't play authority games. When you can, get your own apartment, you can split the rent with other girls. Even then be polite to your mom, just don't ever visit or call. Send a birthday card or a Christmas card but nothing more. When you get your own house, when you get married, do not invite her to the wedding and never let her see her grandchildren. NEVER. If she raises a stink say you don't want her contaminating their lives like she contaminated yours and then wish her a long, lonely old age.
2007-09-10 23:37:14 · answer #7 · answered by jxt299 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think she bipolar and have mood swing disorder. I get professional help, she may do more harms, than good and it could cost someone life. I call DSS, School counselor, maybe the priest where you go to church, that should settle it, if not call battered woman hotline no one need this abused at any ages.
2007-09-10 23:49:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one is easy. She is outright jealous of you, and is having a hard time dealing with it. By belittling you, she is trying to artificially elevate her self-esteem. It isn't fair, but you really should take anything she says with a grain of salt. You are tall, smart, and will accomplish whatever you want to accomplish. Don't let her jealousy prevent you from shining. She wants to be the star, but make everyone else pale in comparison. She cannot co-succeed, and that will hurt her relationships with others. As long as you are confident in yourself, don't pay attention to what she says.
2007-09-10 23:35:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, get yourself in to see a social worker. They can refer you for placement in foster care. I know that sounds severe, but not as severe as living with a nightmare for a mother.
Don't put up with it anymore. Your mother is mentally ill and perhaps you putting yourself in care will be the kick in the azz she needs to get some long overdue help.
If nothing else, you'll be able to finish HS in a peaceful and supportive home.
2007-09-10 23:32:25 · answer #10 · answered by alisongiggles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋