I told him it was ok...now I feel hurt?

Question

My fiance is a huge football fan. We dont have cable where we live wayyyy out in the country. So we came to stay at my mom's...ya know for the whole Monday night football thing. Well, her ESPN is out so he asked if he could go to the Sports Bar to watch it. I told him that we had both promised that we wouldn't go to bars without each other due to some things in the past. This certain bar is one where he was known to pick up women before we were together.
I really don't want to be a b***h about it so I told him to go and have fun. We've been having difficulties involving finances, children behavior in school, and a miscarriage leaving me feeling rather bad about myself.
Now that he went I'm feeling sooo bad about it. I know I told him to go...but I really didn't want him to, and he knew it. I'm gonna try really hard not to pout about it tomorrow but I know it'll be hard.
How do I keep from being a b***h about it when I agreed, even though we had agreed not to do that??

I trust him...but can't shake the feeling that his eyes won't be focusing on the game. Could this stem from the problems we're having? All in all we have a good relationship...just bad circumstances surrounding it...

Thanks guys! He came home at half time...so now I feel much better and a little silly at the same time!
And to the ones that said my relationship wasn't a good one...I think we're all entitled to a little insecurities....

Answer 1

Please do not let this bother you. It is ok to feel conflicted about your decision, but you have to know that without trust there is no relationship - I am sure that your fiance is there watching the game (the early game was really great) and he is going to come home to you and be excited that you believed in him.

I have been in your shoes (even with the miscarriage) although my husband never gave me a reason to not trust him (I had major trust issues from relationships in my past) - everytime I was able to let go and let him go out with the "Boys" it made him realize that I loved him enough to try to be a better person....you are trying - feel good about yourself about your willingness to give it another chance and tomorrow wake up and don't think about today (it is the past) and enjoy the family and the life that you have.

Answer 2

How do you have a good relationship???? From what I gather in your writing it sounds like you two weren't meant to be together but are trying to stick it out for the sake of the kids. I do agree that a whole family is way better than a broken family but my father was a d*ck and still is but I turned out fine. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It was better for my mom and us kids. Anyways...you already allowed him t go to the game so I would let that go. Face it there isn't anything you can do about it. If you sound all happy and fine about the situation then he'll think you've changed and are a happy person now. The miscarriage you need to seek counseling or someone else to talk to about it cuz it sounds like you can't talk to him about it and you still have built up frustrations about it...that is a hard topic to deal with and you need to deal with that before anything else. Then focus you mind on the problems in school and see how you can change it. Then, lastly, focus your mind on your marriage and see if it is really something you want to be apart of. Yeah, we all have good times and those usually out shine the bad moments but if the bad is outweighting the good then something needs to be done. If you keep your mind focused on one thing and give it your all then you mind won't have time to wonder about him going to the bar. I'm talking completely focused...wake up early and don't stop attacking the specific problem until you go to bed with a good book.

Answer 3

In the future, don't agree with what's not OK by you. Even if in the end you end up agreeing, you'll feel better about yourself because you've expressed yourself very clearly.
As for today/tomorrow, just try not to say anything. Let it go. Maybe it will do some good in the end - he'll see that you trust him.
****
Oh, don't worry so much. He wasn't going to a bar in the first place. He only went because the game wasn't on TV.

Answer 4

My very blunt process has each prompted friendship and driven individuals away... In instances wherein my peers have "Gotten used to me" they have got discovered to come back to me as a sounding board in view that I am extra then inclined to argue all sides with them till they arrive to their possess conclusions... My traditional word with my peers has continually been: "I simply ought to say this now in order that anything occurs I will recognize that I stated my peace at the area!" And I inform them how I fell approximately the choice or predicament after which I allow them to decide upon their possess direction... Like while my pal (feminine) desired to become a member of the ARMY. I instructed her that she had performed her study however I suggestion it used to be a particularly dangerous notion... That I could help her in anything option she made however I consider you will have to pass with an additional department of the miliatry. Less then a 12 months later she bought out with an Honerable Discharg making use of her husband's scientific disorders because the cause. It labored out identical to I suggestion it could however I had stated my peace and supported her during her complication. She favored my honesty and took what I stated into concideration earlier than making her decsion and did not get mad while I instructed her I suggestion it used to be a dull notion. As lengthy as you handiest have the character's satisfactory intrests at center I do not have an understanding of why you will have to sugar coat whatever... $#!t occurs and hanging a crunchy-sweet-shell over a nugget of $#it does no person any well. A few seconds of embarisment could retailer a character long run disorders... Honesty is what's main and in case your self-worth is not top sufficient to take delivery of that then it is not particularly my trouble.

Answer 5

Talk to him about it - let him know that you felt uncomfortable and that you wish you had not told him it was okay, and that you feel you made a mistake.

Don't put any blame on him or try to guilt him about going - you told him it was okay, he shouldn't have to be a mind reader. You can't get mad at him for taking you at your word, and he shouldn't have to spend his time second guessing whether what you SAY is really what you MEAN.

Be honest. Be open. Be adult. Acknowledge that YOU made a mistake, learn from it, and move on. You can't change the past - but you can use it to help decide future actions.

Answer 6

Okay, you told him to go. Be careful to avoid any accusations, but definitely talk with him about how you are feeling. "I" statements are a good idea, and be clear that you are conveying your feelings and not necessarily being suspicious. It's okay to have a change of heart, but it is not okay to hold him responsible for doing what you said was fine. By telling him how you feel, you give him the opportunity to reassure you and you avoid hanging onto the feelings you ae wrestling with at the moment.

Answer 7

Sometimes I think as women we say yes because we don't want to be a B***H but at the same time we won't them to step up and say you know what I know how you feel about this and since we have had problems because of situations like this in the past I won't go, but they never say that and I can tell you why they don't cause then you can't hold it over their heads cause you said it was okay. Trust me I know how you feel I have been there many times myself.

Answer 8

Well unfortanatly you cant be upset with him because you told him it was okay and being a man because you told him it was alright he doesnt think beyond that he assumed it was okay because you said..now all guys look and it would drive me crazy if i thought that my man was looking at other women but there is nothing you can do about it all men look as long as he doesnt touch dont worry about it next time you should tell him you dont want him to go and just be honest..good luck hun

Answer 9

Some relationship you must have - if you carry on like this because he's going to a bar to watch a football match.

If you can't trust him & you know you're going to be a b***h tomorrow - all I can say is, I can see why the relationship is encountering problems.

I'd be away like a shot if I was in his shoes!

Answer 10

You have nothing to worry about. If he truly is a HUGE football fan, there could be naked women sitting on his lap and he isn't going to notice, as long as the game is on.