Ex huaband VS new husband?

Question

Okay... if you have read my past posts then you know that I have had HUGE issues with my ex husband (and we share a child so I can't just walk away) and his wife. I have had a long heart to heart with my ex and he has agreed that we will try to be friends for as long as it takes to raise our child and after that we will try to at least be nice to each other when it comes time to....lets say....go to our childs wedding, or other big life events. We are trying to act like adults. I have not hidden this from my husband. I have included him in any conversations that have gone on. NOW for some reason my husband thinks that we are trying to get back together!! (I left my ex because he abused me and started to show signs of abuseing my child. and he cheated) We have been divorced 8 years and I have been remarried for 6. Oh, by the way my ex lives 4 states away. We email and he calls once a week to talk to our child (I try not to answer the phone unless I honestly have something to say

So I guess my question is.... #1 how can I get my husband to stop being an @ss. And #2, how can I get my husband to see that this IS the best thing for the child. By the way, my ex has been in anger management for 2 years and is trying to be a better person..... AND he is HAPPILY married (although I do not like her)

He NEVER abused the child I just saw signs that his anger COULD lead him to do it. And the child is now 8 and wants to see his father. Plus I have a ciurt order saying I have to let him go.

Also as far as the email thing goes, I print all of them out and keep a log.... Never know when I might need them, but the fact is that my hubby can read them at any time.

Answer 1

your present husband is BiPolar. Correct? He is insecure either way. He will just have to accept the situation the way it is. You have a child. FACT! Your child has the right to know his father. FACT! You have to comply with a court order, or you'll be in contempt of court (bad thing later for everyone involved) FACT!
Do what you have to do without guilt or intimidation caused by your husbands insecurities. They are his own and you are not doing anything wrong.

Answer 2

This isn't an ex husband issue at all. What is it you're doing that might be misunderstood? I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong here, but, these things don't just come out of the blue.

How often do you e mail each other? What's being said?

You don't need to be "friends" with your ex, just civil. The only contact that needs to be made is on behalf of the child, nothing more.

Ex husbands and ex wives can be a particularly hot topic in a marriage. That you divorced them isn't the issue. It's that you were intimate and shared a life together before that at times can be hard to swallow. The new husband doesn't need to be reminded of that.

Talk about HIS feelings about the subject with him. Don't tell him he's being silly, empathize and put yourself in his shoes. Ask him how you can ease his mind and what he'd like to see. Then go from there.

Answer 3

Ex huaband VS new husband?

Answer 4

Accept that you may not be able to convince your husband to go along with how you feel. He has a right to his feelings no matter how misguided they may be. You will do yourself justice to just be sure to continue to include your husband in all matters concerning your ex.

I would discontinue communication with your ex via email and be sure that all communication is done openly and honestly with your husband present. Be sure to let your husband know this and if he has any concerns after that....then perhaps you might suggest that he go to counselling.

I think it is great that your ex is getting help and that he is having a relationship with his child. Children deserve to have the love and support from both biological parents when possible.

Good Luck

Answer 5

realistically your new husband isnt being an azz he is just trying to look out for you , you cant stop his insecurity or his jealousy , your doing everything right by printing it out and keeping logs your not hiding anything , but your current knows what the ex did you just have try to be adult about it and show your current you love him.

My 2nd husband used to get jealous because my ex and I would spend 30 mins on the phone discussing our older sons because they had issues my new husband had no interest in helping me deal with (drugs) my sons were losers to him and I am their mother and their dad is their dad so in the end I told him to deal with it or step up and help me so I dont have to ask their dad for help , he never stepped up so now my ex is living with a drug user (my ex sister in law) and he thinks what our sons are doing is totally fine and I cant get through to anyone about how it hurts me and how I can save my sons.

Anyways discussions are needed between you and your current or he's going to become your next ex.

Answer 6

It sounds like your husband found comfort in the fact that you and your ex not getting alone...now that the two of you have found a way to be civil to each other, he maybe feeling insecure. It would probably be best if you tried reassuring him...Also watch your body language!!! you never now what type of none verbal signals you might be sending...Good luck!!

Answer 7

Try explaining it just as you did to us. Maybe you should write it down or possibly set up a meeting via phone where you and your husband can discuss all of your concerns with your ex and his wife.

Answer 8

you need to sit your husband down & tell him plainly that you do not want to be apart of your ex's life, but it makes it very difficult since you have a child w/ your ex and you want whats best for your daughter thats why you act civil to him -- not because you want to, but because you have to. tell him you want your child to grow up in a loving enviroment that involves BOTH of her parents; plus her steps :) and that he needs to understand that you dont want your ex back, thats why you divorced him b/c u knew there was something better out there & you found it..him! :) he will be okay, hes just afraid of losin you right now and he cant handle with it. you may want to do something romantic for him :) [[guys dont think candle lit dinners & sex is romantic lol they think its "chick stuff" so watch a game with him or do whatever it is he wants to do, then have sex lol]] just try showing him that he means more to you than any other man in the world ;)

Answer 9

Husband just left for Afghanistan.?

Answer 10

when your husband married you he knew there was a baby daddy haning around and now he is starting to say things like you are trying to get back with him?? if you guys share a separate closet, id go and check his out and make sure there are no bones in there waiting to fall out and hit you in the head. normally when a man starts to accuse a woman of cheating he is cheating himself. watch out for those bones...