Do you consider this cheating? What would you do?

Question

I have a friend who has been married for 8 years, during her fisrt year of marriage {7 years ago} she and her hubby separated and were going to get a divorce, she moved out and they were separted for 6 or 7 months. While they were separted she slept with someone else. {more then once} She never told her hubby and they got back together. Her hubby never asked her if she dated, slept with anyone during that time and she never asked him., or told him She feels that since they were going to get a divorce that is was not a affair or cheating. She is now feeling gulity and is comtipating telling her hubby, they have one child and just bought a house 2 years ago. She is scared to tell him, but feels she needs to let me know. Also the man she slept with is kinda back in her life...it has been almsot 7 years since they saw each other they have talked online and by text msgs,for the past he wants to get together with her for a drink and chat. { he is single} and she says shes not sure what...

..to do. She is not sure if she has feelings for this man, she will admit "lust" and she says even though things in her marriage look /seem perfect, its not when they have a fight it gets swept under the rug, and forgotten about. She is not sure if she wants to remain married to her hubby, she says shes if they were to divorce she might pursue a relationship with the man she slept with if he sees what she did not as cheating and would trust her. What would you do??? Was this Cheating??? do you think her talking to him now by text and net is cheating?? {her hubby doesn;t know they talk at all} Although he knows she was good friends with him during the time of there sepration... and does not care for him. Thanks for any info... I will relay it all to her.

Answer 1

No she did not cheat then but what she is doing now is on the verge of it. She needs to quit chatting with him and concentrate on her husband. She is only feeling guilty now because she is talking to the guy again and all of the old feelings are coming back. She needs to let sleeping dogs lie or she may get bit.

Answer 2

She should sort out her marriage first and not talk to that guy at all. Otherwise it's a slippery slope, and it is much harder to sort out the feelings for 2 men than for 1.
If she wants her relationship with her husband to continue, it is not a good time to tell him about those past incidents. She is likely to be frustrated over other issues in her marriage. I don't believe feeling guilty 7 years after the fact (all of a sudden!) is her only reason. Maybe she wants out of her marriage, but is afraid to admit it, or she wants a really good and big fight with her husband to get all the problems out in the open. I'd recommend not telling her husband about what took place 7 years ago, but concentrate on what's taking place now, put effort into bringing some passion back into her marriage if it is possible at all.

Answer 3

I think it is cheating but I understand since they were getting a divorce. I think your friend should immediately end all communication with the other guy and keep her mouth closed. Her husband may suspect that she slept with someone during the seperation but chose not to bring it up and start over. Especially if he slept with someone too. If she loves her husband and wants to keep her marriage then she needs to shut up and shut down the other relationship. If she is unsure about her marriage or wants to leave her husband then and only then should she come clean.

After reading your update- her actions now is definately cheating. All marriages have tough times and she needs to open and honest with her husband. The relationship will eventually fall apart if she keeps this game up. Besides, does she really think she can have a real relationship with the man on the side. He will have a hard time trusting her since he watched her betray her husband.

Answer 4

Anytime a new relationship is started before the first one is completely finished, it is cheating. Obviously their relationship was not completely finished, or else they wouldn't have gotten back together. And it sounds like she is attempting to do it again by contacting him again. Why else would she have any contact with him after all this time? She should think of how she would feel if she were in her husband's shoes, and act accordingly. Surely she would not want to be cheated on and lied to, so why does she think it is ok to do that to her husband?? Lies never stay hidden, her husband will find out, and it will be ugly when he does.

Answer 5

wow, first of all she should not get together or talk to the other guy if she wants to keep her marriage. He obviously is looking to get back with her. Its not cheating because they agreed to be separated and were heading for a divorce. That is the past, there is no need to tell him, but if she is going to keep talking to this other guy well then that could easily lead to cheating and messing up her marriage.

Answer 6

If they were officially separated technically no it would not be cheating. More than likely he was going other places too. Plus they were through with each other. Now with conversations going on yes this would be cheating. I would get rid of the chats with him. I would say yes talk to him about it, because if he finds out he will be a volcano.

Answer 7

once you're questioning, it in all probability is. every time you experience an emotional connection with somebody else, any variety of touch that feels intimate - might desire to be purely speaking or texting, yet feels close, brings you closer to that man or woman - is cheating. in case you're no longer emotionally in touch, then those same issues are purely friendly. additionally i'm assuming by ability of kissing you recommend a kiss on the cheek, by way of fact on the mouth or deep kissing is incredibly around the line.

Answer 8

How did this man 'kinda' get back into her life after 7 years? It sounds like maybe she sought him out. Perhaps she should stay with her husband, tell this other guy that she needs to work on her marriage and raise her child.

Answer 9

It's called wedding vows. A holy union where God joins two people. Tell her to stop talking to this guy he is fogging her mind she needs to work out her marriage if she leaves her husband she will be sorry of that i am certain.

Answer 10

It's not cheating if they wwere already in separate residences. It is cheating if she stays in contact with him, even if she doesn't sleep with him. Why? Because she emotionally attached to someone else.
If she plans to stay with her husband, she should NOT tell him what happened years ago, just to sooth her consience. They should both focus on what they have together and where they want it to go.