If you like reading and helping people, then please read.?

Question

How do you forgive someone who you gave your heart and life to?
My husband cheated on me twice right after we got married, I mean RIGHT after and then lied to me about it. Ever since then we have had problems of all sorts.

Answer 1

The only way you are going to be able to work through this is to a marriage counselor. You either can forgive him or not it is up to you. If you forgive him and Can move on then you need to forgive him not just half way but, whole heart. If you can not then don't waste your time trying to fix something that can't be. As for your husband he needs to work on getting your trust back and, doing whatever it takes to make it work. He made the mess now he needs to clean it up...

Answer 2

Hi there, a difficult question! I am in the same situation, but we are not married. It's hard, but too be honest i don't think that you can really totally ever forgive him for that, you just try your best to move on and put it behind you, It's a really hard thing to do. I am still really insecure about things and second guess everything he does because of this, it suxs. But i couldn't imagion life without him and that's why i keep going.
The way i see things now is, that if these other women where so great, he wouldn't still be with you! If you guys can go to a relationship counsellor, it might help to get things out in the open, if you guys can not sort it out between you both.

Answer 3

I am very sorry to say this, but you should just get divorced. He cheated not once but twice, and you haven't, so he knows he can get away with it and will continue to do so whenever he feels like it. And you also say you have had problems of all sorts. You should leave and find yourself a good man who loves you and doesn't cheat on you. Every marriage has its share of problems, because we are human, we make mistakes. But when a couple cannot get past the problems, and keep fighting about the same things, and generally don't seem happy with each other, it is time to end the marriage, because everyone deserves to be happy. It sounds like you aren't happy now and you need to find a man who does make you happy.

Answer 4

Forgiving is not forgetting. Forgiving is choosing not to dwell on it or let it come between the two of you. It is very difficult to forgive. If you are a person of faith, now is the time to turn to your faith. In Christianity it is possible to give forgiveness because Christ forgave us more than we ever deserved. If you've experienced forgiveness, it's easier to give out.

Get your husband to go to counseling with you to a counselor who's purpose is to hold marriages together.

If you choose to divorce him, you still need for forgive him. That doesn't mean excuse him, but see if you can understand what is wrong with him that would make him so hard hearted and lacking self control.

Forgiving also doesn't mean letting him off the hook. There are consequences and he needs to face them. Above all, it wasn't your fault that he made these choices.

Answer 5

wow....this is a toughie!!!!
i guess if you cant forgive and forget, then you need to move on, as hard as that may be.
you shouldnt have to go through life second guessing everything he does and feel insecure every time he goes out, i know i would feel the same but why should you put yourself through that?
why should you forgive him the second time round?
he cheated on you the first time, you forgave him, then he did it again!!!!!
i wouldnt put myself through it again.
if he cheated on you the first time, he'll do it again and he proved that already!!!
i know its a tough choice to make but if you decide that you can forgive him and build back the trust slowy then by all means go for it, just remember that it wont be easy and you will also hurt along the way too.
i guess you should get some counselling and if he is too embarrassed to get help, then he obviously doesnt care about your marriage at all.
best of luck and i pray that your hurt subsides.

Answer 6

Nothing good can come from deceit. My mama always said "If someone will lie to you, they'll steal from you, and if they'll steal from you, they'll kill you." Cheating AND lying, and your still holding it together? You must really love this character. Too bad he apparently doesn't feel the same. When you love someone and you are committed to them, you don't cheat and you don't lie. And people like that rarely change. Even with counseling, if it took a stranger to tell him to change, would you want him like that anyway? I want a man who is committed to me and is honest with me because that's just the way he is, not because I or someone else had to tell him to be that way. Forgive him, and then move on. Situations like this either get worse or improve only for a short time. If it was going to work out, it already would have.

Answer 7

I'm in the exact same boat with you. My marriage is strong again. We have one agreement in our marriage now though. He is never to go out again without me. I told him if he can't live with that agreement then all bets are off. You forgive by simply doing just that. Forgive. Never again bring up the affairs after you forgive. Also be honest with yourself and ask what led him to do this in the first place. I know why my husband cheated. It was clearly my fault that he strayed on me. True the end result was his decision to sleep with her but I know he would have never done this had I not drove him that way.

Answer 8

First of all marriage may not have been the right idea for you and your husband but since your married and you for gave him and he still doing the same thing nothing is going to change between you and him. Your having more problems and wondering if you made the right choice. That's up to you not for me to say.

good luck

Answer 9

u should either see if he is sorry like is he sorry or do u think hes gonna do it again,,also ask him y he waited till u were married 2 start hurting u..honestly i'd kick him in his nuts & send him on his way but if u want 2 work it out then u need 2 accept his fake apology & try not 2 think about it anymore or it will ruin ur life..& if he wants 2 cheat tell him your gonna start lookin 4 a hot guy 2 sleep with just once... u no so u can get some real d!ck for once..i'd kick him out..

Answer 10

It will only get worse from here, I am sorry to say. His cheating has not stopped, and he din't love you enough to marry you right from the start. Why did the jerk go through with the wedding? If you stay with him, your self-respect is totally gone and whatever little bit of your self-esteem you have left is also on its' way out the door.
Follow it, and get your divorce as soon as possible.
Good Luck.