Please Help! My wife treats me with so much disrespect, rudeness, irrational behavior and justifications, WHY?

Question

I am a good husband, my wife tells me so when she isn't on one of her rampages. She tells me that she can't understand why I continue to put up with her emotional dysfunction. I'm beginning to wonder myself.

I work full time to provide a moderate standard of living for my wife and step-daughter. I don't drink or smoke and take my role as a husband/father seriously.

My wife is a self-employed cosmetologist and barely makes enough money to pay her overhead leaving nothing to help support our family, she only goes to work when she "feels like it".

We go on 1 major vacation and usually 3 mini vacations each year.

I am constantly ridiculed for not making enough money, being too lazy (I work 6 days/week), and she undermines me by veto when it comes to parenting her daughter (even though we had agreed on the rules prior).

I made vows to stay with a marriage (for better or worse). I can't understand how anyone can justify this behavior.

Why would someone do this?

My wife refuses counseling.

Please don't use PMS or Menopause as a reason, she doesn't treat her friends like this.

My wife is 39 years old

Answer 1

It sounds like your wife is being this way to make herself feel good, I'm sorry to say. I don't think it's PMS or anything like that. She wants everything her way and no negotiations, which is all about power. This is a situation where you seriously will need to step up to the plate and discuss her actions and how she treats you, if things don't change or she doesn't seem to want to change, it might be time for you to move on. You may not even be close to thinking about that, but it's one of those things, you'll know when you've had enough.

Answer 2

Well I was going to say she could be bi-polar but if she never acts like that to anyone but you then there is nothing wrong other than she is just a lazy B**** who only works when she "feels" like it while you are working 6 days/week.

Instead of her whining and b*tching that you don't make enough money she needs to get another profession work 6 days/week and bring some money to the table !

A marriage is supposed to be an equal joint partnership.
She is so self-absorbed, materialistic and too immature to be in a marriage. As you have learned unfortunately there is nothing you can do that would ever be enough for her.
If she is just not happy with herself then there is nothing you can do to make her happy, that is her responsibility!

She admits she's emotionally dysfunctional yet has refused counseling. That makes a whole lot of sense!

Ask her again and tell her its counseling or divorce!

If its divorce wish her luck on finding a guy to support her and her daughter and a guy that will take her on a yearly vacation + 3 mini vacations and put up with her emotional dysfunctional lazy *itchy *ss !

Answer 3

Rudeness, mistreatment, and disrespect aimed toward the elderly in not anything new that has happened just today or yesterday. Mistreatment against old people have been around since 90's-20's and further and further back. The main reasons why they do this happens to be the same reasons why they do it to young people as well; because it makes their little low self esteem fuel tank rise a bit up and to them for the moment it feels good, but once they stop they loose that feeling immediatly and so they need to do it again and again to keep that esteem tank full and to the brim. Those teenagers fill up their tanks the wrong way by lowering other people's self esteem down. The damages can be as great upon younger people as well as older people. This however is a really good reason to what can spark the vicious cycle to this horrible meaness, Most likely their parents show little respect to the elderly themselfs and in turn thier children observe this and reflect their own parents by doing the same thing to the elderly. Your welcome for anwering your question Remember Respect your elders.

Answer 4

wow....when I read this, I felt like it could have been my husband talking about ME! I am just like your wife...........and trust me it doesn't feel good to be that way. I 've been with him for 7 years, and for the last 2, I have been horrible...Constantly criticizing, complaining, always looking for a reason to be mad and it's only with him....the smallest things irritate me. Even though deep in my heart I love him, and I know he's a hard worker and a wonderful man, these feeling come over me. I guess what I think you should do, is be TOUGH. (not ignorant, there is a big difference). Let her know that if she's unhappy about something, it's not your fault and you're not her punching bag. you'd be surprised by how women apreciate their man being assertive and tough. basically, you wear the pants and tell her you don't need her ****... you know? nobody needs that, there are a lot of fish in the sea and a lot fo women are out there looking the the few good men that are left like you and my husband...

Answer 5

Even if it was hormones, she would not call you lazy. I get REAL bad mood swings, but never took my husband for granted (I even still manage to make lunches for him!)

Sounds like she is acting like a c*** and I feel bad that her daughter is learning that.

If she refuses counseling, even AFTER she admits she is emotionally dysfunctional.....you have to give her the ultimatum. What she is putting you through is EMOTIONAL abuse. She has some major issues that need to be professionally handled, but it can't be done until she makes the move to the doctor or counselor. Maybe telling her that you are leaving if in x weeks she does not make an effort (with you as moral support) to get "checked out" then FOLLOW THROUGH. She needs to hold up her end of the bargain too!

Answer 6

It's obvious that your wife does not like herself at all! Every negative word she throws at you, she really means it for herself! She really hates herself and until she deals with her anger towards herself, you will continue to be her punching bag in her game of self destruction. You need to stop being so nice, pack up, and move out until she gets the mental help she needs. This kind of situation gets no better, trust me, been there done that. AND DON'T STAY BECAUSE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR HER EITHER! She sure as hell doesn't care how you feel, because if she did, she would look for ways to stop her emotional dysfunction and treat you better. But remember - Don't complain about what YOU allow!

Answer 7

You should ask her, without being mean, to really think about whether she wants to keep you in her life. Don't piss her off, just get her to really contemplate it. If what you say is true, she'll see how you help to fullfill her and her daughters lives and it will probably strike fear into her heart. That's no way to carry on a relationship (using fear as a manipulative device), but on this one occasion, it might be just the reality check she needs to get with the program. Tell her that if she doen't make an effort to treat you better, you're going to hit the road. See what she says.

Answer 8

Does mental illness run in her family.You should talk to her tell your wife if she thinks your going to live like this for the rest of your life she is sadly mistaken.Tell her if the behavior does not change your hands are tied. Either she's going to respect you as her husband and the rules you set as parents.I really hope you two can work this out.If not cut your loses and move on.You don't deserve to be treated that way.If she wants more money tell her to work for it by doing hair.

Answer 9

She is obviously depressed. Listen, when my husband and I first got married it was a nightmare. I lost my job and he was trying to support both of us. It was very difficult and I know I took advantage of it. I realized it before it was too late though. A man deserves respect and needs it. It is like a lifeline for him. Sit her down and explain to her how it makes you feel and ask her why. Maybe she needs to go for counseling or just to sit and talk with someone doesn't have to necessarily be a doctor. You just keep doing what u are doing. If this marriage was meant to be, it will. You are a good man for standing by and being there for your family. Wish the best for you!!

Answer 10

I think she is unhappy in your marriage, as great a a guy as you may be, I think she's not in love with you anymore and scared to admit it..if you're the only one she treats this way, there's a reason why. It's easier for her to put you down rather than be honest with you or herself. She should move on and let you be happy and make herself happy. It takes a lot more energy to be mad and mean than it does to be happy and nice to someone. Maybe you need to pull the trigger and remove yourself from the situation, how long will you allow yourself to be treated like this, if you have any respect for yourself you cannot allow her to treat you this way, life is too short to be unhappy. Good luck.