My friend and her companion have been together for 7 years and now live together. He has been separated for 10 years. They have known each other for several years. He still pays for half of the mortgage where his wife and teenage daughter is living even though he hasn't been there for 7 years. His reason for doing this is because his wife would not be able to maintain the house otherwise. He said one day she will move into a smaller house. I can't really say much about that other then damn!! I wish my ex would do that. He also pays 800 dollars for child support. There is always an excuse for the delay of the divorce. I think he is delaying the divorce because he does not want to pay his ex wife alimony. My girlfriend is confused about staying with him or not. Myself, well, I don't know what else to tell her. I personally don't think she should be with him. Sounds like too much drama and a lot of money going out. And, for you women out there be cautious dating men who are separated.!!
2007-09-10 13:23:24 · 13 answers · asked by Misty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LOL
The question is what do you all think about this????
2007-09-10 13:26:29 · update #1
Sometimes it is difficult to add everything with limited space.
My friend is very uncomfortable. They got engaged after 3 yrs. She believed he was divorce. Then found out afterwards it was only a legal seperation. She loves him so she stayed with him. Well, as you can see she is still waiting. I do not want to tell her to leave him because I don't want to be responsible for their breakup. I did give her the facts.
2007-09-10 13:46:48 · update #2
It doesn't sound like he has finished the business of his first marriage. He is willing to complicate your friend's life so he doesn't have to do anything too hard for himself. Your friend would be better off with someone who can handle his life better. If he respected your friend he would get divorced--alimony or not. My husband pays his ex $1500 a month alimony, but he and I work through it. I tell him "just consider it the price of freedom". Until he works out all of the issues from his first marriage your friend is just letting him use her.
2007-09-10 13:37:14 · answer #1 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She´s been with him for seven years you say? And she stuck around after finding out that he wasn´t divorced, although he had indicated he was? And they´re engaged? Engaged to what? You can´t marry two people, so he´d necessarily have to divorce his wife, and if he´s been brazen enough to ask your friend to marry him and "forget" to divorce his wife then i´d say that relationship isn´t going anywhere.
However, seven years is a long time, and your friend clearly has made a choice about where she wants to be in his life. You can be the main course or the side dish, but you can´t be both, and your friend seems perfectly willing to be second best in this relationship. She should give him an ultimatum: divorce NOW or get out NOW. If he keeps humming and hawing about the difficulties of getting a divorce then she should just move on. And as someone else said, why would he get a divorce if he can get all he wants without one? Maybe your friend needs to prioritize what SHE wants in life. If it includes marriage and forming a family, she should take steps in THAT direction: lose the relationship with the married man and start one that´s actually going somewhere.
2007-09-11 03:41:28 · answer #2 · answered by counsel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right, that she shouldn't be with him. There might be several reasons why he hasn't cut his ties yet...but the question is why she still wants to be with him if he's not legally divorced AND making excuses for not leaving. She and her daughter don't HAVE to live in that huge house, there wouldn't be anything wrong in them moving, unless she's standing her ground by staying there because she KNOWS he'll keep on paying, you know? It's a tough situation to be in, but I think she should take a hard long look at the relationship to determine if it's all worth it or not.
2007-09-10 13:40:17 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is weird! My husband's brother is doing the same thing. He has been separated from his wife for over 10 years and is dating a mutual friend of ours. This woman is about the best thing that has ever happened to him but he refuses to get a divorce and pays about 800 dollars of child support to his wife. The kicker of it all is that he still sleeps with her. Yuck!!! I have told the mutual friend forget about him and move on but she won't. There isn't much else you can do for her unfortunately. When she finally realizes it, it will be too late.
2007-09-10 14:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to get a divorce because he doesn't want to get a divorce period. Your friend shouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place. For SMART women there is nothing to be cautious about because they don't date men who are only separated. If a man in the midsts of GETTING a divorce shows an interest a SMART woman tells him to come back when he has a final decree of divorce...and she doesn't wait for him.
2007-09-10 16:27:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i employ this man for taking care of his child and paying the mortgage on his house he pays 800 in child support have you ever heard of this it is cheaper to keep her it may seem like a lot to you, If your friend is looking for this man to divorce his wife and marry her than let her continue to wait he is just putting her on , you just got there Ive been there already and have experience on this to.
best of luck to your friend hope she wakes up before its to late.
2007-09-10 13:42:31 · answer #6 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currenty living with my long-term boyfriend who's divorce is not final. It hasn't been ten years, but it's been a while. Unless they are planning on getting married I don't see the divorce as being neccisary.. but if she's uncomfortable with it, she just needs to really tell me.. be completely honest about it. You can't beat around the bush with those things... I personally don't care, for us it's just a matter of taking the papers to the courthouse... but it doesn't bother me that he hasn't yet.. good luck to you and her. :)
2007-09-10 13:34:54 · answer #7 · answered by sskstru 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Since he is sending all that money out to his wife, my gut feeling tells me that your friend is paying all the bills etc. So technically he is using her and living off of her.
My advice to your friend is to get some self respect and kick this married man out of her house.
2007-09-10 13:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is still her husband and if he wanted the divorce he would have gotten it, its probably not about the alimony because he is paying now. he simply doesn't want to marry or commit to his mistress. she is wasting her life and he will always be tied to his wife and child and nothing will change it. how humiliating it would be to be with a man married to another woman. he will always help his ex because obviously they are still friends and could decide to restore their marriage one day leaving your friend brokenhearted.
2007-09-10 13:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he hasn't divorced his ex because it's cheaper. That's the simple fact...and because he doesn't have a reason to. Looks like your friend isn't going anywhere so why should he do anything?
2007-09-10 13:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋