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When my husband and I argue, sometimes he will REFUSE to speak to me whatsoever, even to work it out. When I ask him if he thinks not speaking to me helps "work it out" (obviously the answer is no) he says he doesn't care, he's not talking to me and he'll stay mad at me for a long time. Just about anytime I try and tell him something like "hey, I want you to help w/ laundry more..." he immediately gets po'ed and says I don't like to do anything for him and he's a burden to me, which is not true at all but he will NOT listen!! How do I argue w/ my husband without it getting this out of hand???

2007-09-10 13:21:24 · 12 answers · asked by SadToday22 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

12 answers

It's his ego.. Never mind, men always cools down after a while depending on the woman.. If she still continue arguing or quarreling, he will continue the silent treatment.. So, be gentle, kind, loving to the man

2007-09-10 13:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by AdultMale 3 · 0 2

1. The way your hubbie reacts or communicates w/you is a direct result of what he saw at home. look at how his parents communicate...how does his dad treat his mom? That will give you insight into your hubbie and what he's thinking.

2. NEVER get too emotional and defensive when trying to make a point. If laundry is an issue... just have him run out of stuff. When he asks, just tell him you were busy with kids, work, etc and the process would work better if he could do one load a day.

3. Humor is a good foundation upon which to build a serious discussion. Sarcasm, if done w/consideration, may get your point across. Hostility, ranting and raving and being emotional does not.

4. Is there something happening in the house that irks the h*ll out of him? Maybe use that as a basis for a chat. No matter how much we feel like we are in the right/overworked, etc, the husbands have valid concerns, fears, anxieties that need to be addressed. If he feels like you understand him, maybe he'll be more responsive.

Good Luck!

2007-09-10 21:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by lookingtomove 2 · 0 1

Reading material to consider:

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

2007-09-10 21:47:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

When you guys are not fighting i would bring this up to him and let him know how you feel try not to place blame or it will turn into a fight..and when you are fighting if he refuses to talk to you just let him be silent until he is cooled off because if you try to talk to him anyways he is just gonna shut u out and not listen so you are wasting your time and breathe if you dont think talking to him when he is not mad will help then write it down write exactly how you feel and leave it for him to read while you take a shower or go to the store or to work..but you have to let him know that you guys both need to learn how to communicate to resolve it..people spend so much of there lives argueing with the ones they love instread of being happy remember to ask yourself this after every arguement..Will this be important or effect me in a few days if the answer is no then let it go..you two need to learn to pick the battles worth fighting good luck hun

2007-09-10 20:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by Tiffany R 2 · 1 1

You never get anything through while arguing. The best way to solve issues in a marriage is to sit down and have an open dialogue. Make a rule that no one can raise their voice or make snide remarks. No arguing or fighting. Then share your thoughts and feelings with each other with understanding as the ultimate goal. Make an effort to really try to listen to each other and find out what your individual needs are. Then you can work on meeting those needs for each other and you will argue less and less as time goes by. Marraige is work. You have to put it in to get it out. If two people aren't meeting each others needs they tend to break the emotional connection between them and that's what leads to the arguing and bickering. Building intimacy through understanding is the best way to avoid fighting all together, then you don't have to get through to him while your arguing. good luck

2007-09-10 20:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by B. Nowlin 2 · 0 1

The best things to try, are either write everything down and have him read it, or calmly tell him.As a last resort, because it does help, is quit doing things for him. If its laundry, wash yours but not his. You can do the same thing with dinner, dishes, etc. When he runs out of clothes, or gets sick of cooking his own dinner, he may get the point that you need help with the housework. It sucks, but sometimes thats what it takes for a guy to see things.

2007-09-10 20:34:44 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 1 0

How about seeking counseling so you can learn how to communicate with each other. That'll do 2 things - STOP the fights from happening in the first place, AND help you learn how to talk to each other during one.
Y'all sure don't seem to be doing so well on your own, so getting help is really what you need to do if you want to save your marriage.
Why is this not the OBVIOUS answer?

2007-09-10 20:39:20 · answer #7 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0 1

Buy two books by Dr. Laura Schlesinger: The Care and Feeding of Husbands and The Care and Feeding of Marriage.

2007-09-10 20:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1 1

don't argue.
bite your tongue even if you are right.
ask can you do laundry with me?or in a while can you help with laundry?
don't demand.
try something new the way you have done it gets you no where.
seek help.

2007-09-10 20:42:21 · answer #9 · answered by STALKER BLOCK 3 · 0 1

STOP arguing. It's not your husband who is to blame it is YOU. YOU are aruguing, arguing is NOT communicating. You order him around...no wonder he doesn't listen to you. You have to sit down and simply TALK with him...I suggest YOU seek counsling to learn HOW to communicate without arguing and spouting orders.

2007-09-10 23:36:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 2

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