Why don't women admit it sucks to pay child support too (In Public!!)?

Question

Why can't women just fess up to it and admit they don't want to pay child support either? I pay it, and I am not behind. Nobody wants to pay and if it's a woman that has to pay it's a sad story, but if a man has to pay it's justice..... just downright evil if you ask me. I think it's more about revenge and not wanting to pay, that's why people want the kids.... (it's about love too, but the child support clouds any opportunity at compromise!)

Answer 1

I pay child support and am the mom. I live in a small town (now) where my ex and his family are highly influential and well known locals and this town runs on a "who knows who" basis. I went through seven lawyers due to the fact that the judge, a family friend of my ex and his family, would not grant a change of venue. I even got the attention of our state governor, but it ended up not being at the top of his to do list as the divorce was going on at the time of the 9/11 hell. I fought hard because my ex told me that one way or another, he would find a way to make me pay him financially since that seemed to be the best way to hurt me for being unable to live with the abuse and finally leaving. He lived with his parents through the divorce and his mother took care of my son for the 52% of the time he has custody....I don't like paying it because it does not go towards my son. Since my ex has been collecting, he's taken three vacations out of the country - Brazil, Italy and Mexico - with friends. He has joined a softball team that travels out of state three weekends a month - Las Vegas, Orlando, San Diego, and numerous other cities; and I'm the one that takes care of my son for more than the 48% of time that he "gave" to me in court. I buy literally all of my child's clothing, as he's been sent home from school in the dirty, non-fitting clothes his father dumpster-dives for, when my child has to be at his father's, he stops by my kitchen first for food; I could go on and on. This is why I "fess up" and admit that I don't appreciate paying child support - it truly does not go to support my child for the two percent more time his father was awarded custody, and it disables me as far as being able to provide when my child is with me. I don't fight it now because I've managed to form a good relationship with my ex as my son's father, and knowing how much that positively affects my son, I choose not to go back to court and screw up the security and happiness my son feels because of the good communication and "friendship" under the circumstances. I chose to simply take on more work.

I think it was a good question to ask, and I hope that you now see that there is grey matter - it is not a black and white issue. Hopefully you will grow from the answers you recieve and not stand in judgement based on stereotypes and any other issues you have that have caused you to ask such a question; especially in the bitter, childish, and moronic way you attempted to state your case about it. "People want the kids" so they don't have to pay child support? What kind of parent are you?! It's ALL about love for your child, sacrifice, letting go & letting God deal with whatever injustices occured.

Answer 2

I am a woman who pays child support and it sucks. Not only do I have my son 75% of the time, but I buy all of his clothes, shoes, haircuts, therapy, school fees, etc. I shouldn't be paying it anyway because I have the child considerably more than his dad. Circumstances have changed from the time the court order was made, which is one of the reasons I took my ex husband back to court. I never had a problem paying it before when he actually helped pay for some things for the child. I figured for my only child it costs for everything about 700 a month just to have him. If you are paying less than this than you need to stop complaining. Yes it sucks, but it's for the child and you aren't the only one in this world paying it

Answer 3

First of all I know the truth about rape, and yes it can happen to a man. I am sorry for your experience. Secondly yes she should face some sort of criminal charges I think but maybe not as stiff as an actual rape, I mean its not like you two didnt love eachother at some point what she did was wrong YES but would the eyes of the court see it that way? And furthermore the court would react towards a man raping his wife with persecution too so why not towards her as well? And last but NOT least the baby.............YES you should have to pay CS, after all ITS NOT THE BABIES FAULT and the only one you would TRULY be punishing would be the baby. Its so sad, and innocent baby taking the brunt of it all and not even technically being involved. I would say I hope you can figure out a better way to handle this, I mean its just a baby who needs clothes food and shelter and as a parent whether you wanted the baby or not, it's your given and sworn duty to provide for it. Sorry to tick you off, cause I am sure I did somewhere but its the way anyone one that has a HEART would see it. Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think it's a matter of women not admitting it, but regardless, men have this mentality that they're just giving the ex-wives money, that refuse to believe that while they're not always seeing the fruit of the support, that the roof, power, etc. that those child(ren) use is part of their support, honestly, if lawyers did their jobs right, and parents, regardless of their sex were honest about their income versus expenses, there would be more angry child support payers out there. Oh and I'm not a bitter person, my exhusband, while he has always paid regularly, still made remarks every so often, and yeah, I believe love is a reason for custody battles, but sometimes it's not, since as my exhusband complained about the amount, a mutual friend suggested joint, in FL it's kinda like 1 wk. w/one parent and alternating, which would have lowered his amount, but I guess, they would've cramped his drinking/pot smoking style.

Answer 5

Child support is a big chunk of change, but it is designed to ensure that a child is provided for after the parents split. The be-otch of it is that a lot of custodial parents spend the money on themselves instead of the child which is not at all the intent. My husband and I received support for my stepson until last summer, and I can truthfully say that we put most of it into education costs, helping him get a used car, etc. But I have a relative whose ex calls him a deadbeat even though he regularly pays more than is court ordered, and dropped several grand on a wedding dress to marry the guy she cheated on my relative with, but when his daughter asks her for anything (make-up, whatever) she says ask your father. Talk about no justice!

Answer 6

Step back buddy seriously your treading on foriegn soil.

I have been on both sides of this coin , I payed child support to my 1st husband when our oldest son went to live with him and I payed when our younger 3 followed and stayed with him for 12 months , I didnt whinge , whine or whimper I just coughed up the dough every week and unlike my ex when I had the kids live with me I payed the full amount.

My 2nd husband's ex wife owes him 2000 in back child support and everytime child support threaten court action she manipulated his son into moving back home with her and the debt gets wiped everytime he moved.Its how the law works but funnily enough even with child support taking the money out of my husband's account each month some how he managed to get behind and they couldnt explain why he didnt even get his hands on that cash never saw it smelt it or felt it so they couldnt blame him for the payments being behind they did try saying it was a computer glitch but never fixed it and when we got his son back because he was tired of being emotionally abused by the mother and step father my husband wasnt payed child support until the money he allegedly owed was payed to her.

Child support sucks no doubt , but it only sucks because they cant do their damn jobs properly.

And as to women or men who are dead beats and dont want to pay lock em up for 18 months is my view , they helped make the child they should be responsible for them period NO excuses despite which sex has residency of the said children.

Answer 7

I know two women who pay child support and they don't have any problems with it...never been late on their payments. They don't gripe and complain like men do about the money supporting the ex...they are certain the money goes to support the kids because they know how much it costs to support the kids. Maybe women are just a tad smarter about child support than men and their egos huh?

Answer 8

it only sucks when the amount is more than enough to provide and you are still spending money to see your kids and even if you see your kids everyday, you have yet to see them in any new clothes and they are always hungry.

look, for two years i paid child support. it was $195.00. i spent over $600.00 a month on gas to see my children everyday. picked them up at school, kept them until bedtime. i fed them twice a day. bought them clothes that were taken away from them and given to other children. and still had them every other weekend.
i now have custody of the both of them. their dad only sees them for 3 hours once a week, gets every other weekend. and refuses to pay child support because i am married. go figure.

Answer 9

It's too bad that people have to only think about what it is costing them and not about how much it really costs to care for the children. The person who has custody (man or woman) never gets what it actually costs to take care of the kids. Regardless of who is paying, they are usually unhappy to be forced to give the ex a specific amount. I had two boys when my husband left me and he was expected to pay $70.00 per week (total for both children). He never kept up the payments and I ended up having to work two jobs to take care of our needs. If he had custody and all I had to pay was $70.00, I would have been thrilled!! I would have gladly paid. I don't think that child support payments really have anything to do with revenge; it is fair to be expected to help support your own children.

Answer 10

First of all, let us agree that children of divorce need to be supported regardless of the reasons their parents are divorced. Also, let us agree that the non-custodial parent needs to pay child support.Having said all of that I concur with the sentiments you have expressed in your piece Some women ,just like their male counterparts, don't want to pay it.However, the laws and the current national mood is not concerned with the built-in injustice .It cloaks it with platitudes about the welfare of the children.The unspoken idea of "man is bad and wrong;woman is good and right "is one that permeates our current legal system(think abuse, divorce,alimony etc)and needs to change.It is slowly beginning to move in the direction of equity and gender-neutrality so have faith and patience.