advice would be appreciated?

Question

my husband's family have been treating me bad for a long time when my hubby is not present. Everytime I tell my hubby he say's that it cannot be true and that I am over reacting. My in laws treat my hubby's bro wife nicely and my hubby says that they treat her well because she always telephones them etc., but I do not. sOMETIMES MY HUSBAND TELLS ME NOT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING HE CANNOT DO, he says that the only thing he can do is argue with them but then they will never speak to him again, he says how i would have been the cause for a family break up.Sometimes when I complain he even tells me never to speak to his family again, making me look like the enemy. please give me advice

Answer 1

First of all, I would tell your husband to be a man and take a stand. He married you and CHOSE to be with you and his family is going to love and talk to him no matter what. If his family would disown him just because he supported you in an argument, then they are a very disfunctional family anyways. I do not phone my husband's family and talk to them unless they call us and we have a great relationship. I think that there has to be some underlying motive that you do not know. Maybe you can talk to your husband and find out the real reason they don't like you and treat you bad. Also, step up and tell your husband that he can either believe you or you are just going to stop having anything to do with his family. I can guarantee that if you have children a few family get togethers without their grandchildren will have turning over a new leaf.

Answer 2

Well, I suggest you ask him for E-Mail, Screennames, Myspace, Facebook, etc. and phone number! That way you can stay in touch with this guy you've had the best times with! You seem like the person who'd have a great chance with this guy! You need to relax, don't bug him, call maybe twice a day, email once a day, IM a little bit. You just need to keep the relationship on a good level, and watch things closely. Meet up, (I know gas is very expensive) Talk Talk Talk! Then when he comes back you may be in for the best surprise! Just don't worry about it, relax, and take my advice ;) Missbunny6211 AKA Brittany

Answer 3

Well............ if you don't want to call them like their other daughter in law......... then I would suggest that the only other way to keep the peace is to make sure you are never alone with them. ALWAYS have your husband with you when you are there.......that way, they can't be mean to you without your husband seeing it.

The shame of it is that your husband isn't really a very good husband. He should stand up for you... you are his wife afterall... he is married to you and real men want to defend their wives against all harm. This might be a good time for YOU to take a hard look at what you are complaining about. Is it petty? Is it important? If not... maybe you need to work at letting some things go.... pick what hill you want to fight for, you know? If they are just snotty... you'll survive. If they are threatening......... that's a different story!

Answer 4

The average in laws are jerks, that's their job. You can't and you shouldn't want to ever come between a man and his parents. Those are his parents and they will always be there for him. The next time they disrespect you, you need to call them out on it. They are adults and they need to act like that. The reason you don't call them like your sister in law does is because they are mean. I've been in your shoes and it's only going to get tougher. You should only go around them when your husband is around. They will eventually show their true colors, people can't be fake for to long.

Answer 5

this is difficult cause you husband is in the situation where he loves you but his family is always number one (as yours is to you).

My best bet is to really not speak with then to much. Mind your buisness and if you must make small talk keep it breif. there is only so much a person can do when it comes to their spouses family. Sometimes you lose- i go through a lot of problems with my boyfriends family and mine as well. We have gotten into previous fight over his family and me as well as my mother with him. At some point will you need to meet half way and just be invisible.


good luck hunnie. i know its hard

Answer 6

Sounds to me like he's a little more worried about his family than his wife's feelings. You should come first...your his wife! Don't complain to him anymore, that will just make things worse for you as a couple. If you really don't feel like being "closer" to your in-laws, well don't. It's not the end of the world.

Answer 7

Don't know what "bad treatment by in laws" means to your situation. Sis in law may be their favorite or their first and that will always be. You can only control how you act, not how others react. I would tell them (alone and face to face) how I feel and WHY...and ask what we could do to get along better. If reasonable, I'd do it. If no reasonable solution is offered, I'd probably just avoid them and save my peace of mind.

Answer 8

I understand that it is hard for your husband to be torn between his family and you.... but he married you not them and so I think, his loyalty should be yours and his priority should be you.

When it comes to his family, I don't know why they treat you bad. I assume you did nothing wrong to them, maybe you just need to exert more effort to show them you care about them... why don't you have a house gathering and invite his family over? Hopefully, this will bring you closer to them and break all the ice.

Answer 9

WELL MY advice to you is that just try and live wit them and dont get that into them and maybe start calling once in a while if u try to get on there side it'll make ur life easier or dont talk to them cuz in a few years ur in laws wont be here so... GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 10

The only way to win this one is with kindness. There is no way to fight your way into the situation you would like here. Your husband is in a "can't win" situation here. They have to decide for themselves that they like you. If you could force them to "like" you, what good would that be? If you are pleasant and kind you can at least feel good about yourself even if they aren't pleasant and kind back. A person would have to be pretty nutty to be unkind to someone who is kind to them. What is there to lose by "out-nicing" them? Could be fun anyway.