We've been married for 4 years. He's really sweet, well almost always sweet. We met at the park, he was jogging, I was doing yoga. He is obsessed with exercise. We used to exercise together, however, In February, I got a new job. It's been really stressful. I work long hours. I've gained 22 lbs since I've got my new job. Which I know is horrible, but I'm trying to work on it. I guess I eat when I'm stressed.....and I haven't had time to exercise. Anyways, I'm going to try to lose some weight! But my husband is being insensitive. He is constantly complaining about my size. I'm 5'6" and since my weight gain.....ranging around 140-150. He calls me names "porker, marathon eater" ect. I'm no way fat! However, I'm not really fit anymore, I got some flab on my stomach. I'm thinking he never really like me for me, if he cares so much about my size. Is this normal husband behavior?
2007-09-10 12:09:41 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, I can not believe you husband is being so insensitive about this. He should be supportive of your new job and understanding of the stress you are going thru. I can assure you that this is not normal husband behavior, in fact I think this would be considered emotional abuse. If he is making you feel bad about your body image when you are obviously not even overweight, just a little out of shape, he is not concerned about your feelings at all. He should be trying to help you by seeing if you want to exercise with him to relieve some stress or making a healthy dinner for you while you relax instead of expecting you to take care of everything and maintain your body image. I feel that you should confront him on it and tell him that he needs to consider your feelings and how would he feel if you were calling him these names? I hope you take this into consideration, no one deserves to be called those names and especially not by their significant other!
2007-09-10 12:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by jt1107swt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't say if it's "normal behavior", but I DO know it's pretty damn rude and disrespectful. He should be ashamed of himself.
We all go thru weight gains/losses for various reasons on our life. It's just how it is. He should understand that you aren't normally a big girl, and are unhappy with how your weight is now. That you want to, and will (eventually) figure out a way to lose the weight.
If he supported you and was on your side about things you'd probably feel a LOT better and have more motivation for losing the weight than you do. All he's doing is adding to your stress, which probably makes you want to eat more.
hug
Just do your best and do what you can, and maybe talk to him and let him know how much those things hurt your feelings.
2007-09-10 12:21:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you said it yourself. It's as if he only ever liked you for your fitness level and not the person you are.
It's not only insensitive for him to call you names, it's just plain bully tactics. Imagine it was the other way round, would you act like this towards your husband? Don't ever believe this is acceptable, it's just not.
Ask him to stop. If he has no regard towards your feelings, then you need to decide do you really want to be with a man who doesn't really care about you as a person and only whether you are super fit or not.
This is one selfish man and it's unfortunate you've had to find out after 4 years and not when you first met him.
2007-09-11 13:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by Kate 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let your husband know that you dont need critizism you need his encouragement. to many men look at the outside without looking on the inside or the outside is more important, there looks to can change baldness, big belly etc.. what if it was the other way around ? your husband should be building your self asteem up not lowering it. I feel bad for you and all the other wives who have to deal with such insensitivity. I wish you luck on losing the weight, you can do it.
2007-09-14 07:04:11 · answer #4 · answered by jenny_1679 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen hun, it's marriage and if you want it to last two things need to happen:
1. You need to help him understand what you are going through and that you too want what he wants - to be fit! Talk to him about being more supportive and HELPING you acheive weight loss not belittle you.
2. You need to take control of your life and find time to work out, it actually not just for him but for yourself. Exercising helps with stress release and helps you look and feel healthier. Don't you want to feel great again? You say you are under stress - well yoga is perfect to help you alleviate that!
Tell him needs to help you, not hurt you. Be strong hun, life has it's hard times and you have to find a way to get through them. Start making a plan and go for it!
2007-09-12 04:44:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, at 150 you are still within normal weight for your height, so I guess he is just not accustomed to you being larger than you used to be. You are not unhealthy and probably look great, but he may just be used to you being a smaller size. I say he is just being a jerk, men often don't understand how sensitive women are too criticism of their appearance. You could say something similar to him and he probably wouldn't care half as much. If you want to lose weight, do it for you, and not because of his immature comments. I'm sure he still finds you beautiful and is just thinking he is being funny with his stupid little comments.
2007-09-10 12:16:57 · answer #6 · answered by melissa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'LL tell you what..I'm gonna be honest with you..OK
I used to be a work out nut...I worked out 3 times a week and took martial arts class 2 times a week...my wife is heavier now than she was when we got married..but I never judged her..I love her as she is...when we got married she was 135 lbs at 5'10 now she is around 175...I still find her sexy..
If her really cared about you he would not be calling you names..I think he just wanted a skinny little thing in bed..many men are that way..A real man who loves his wife finds her sexy ...being skinny, a few pounds extra or a little extra weight..He loves her as she is..I've been married for 16 yrs..I treat my wife like a real lady..I never heaved called my wife names because I respect her...
2007-09-10 12:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by hononegah1988 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is not being nice at all....Whatever you do...don't get pregnant...because most women gain about 20 to 30 lbs. What a selfish pig! There is nothing wrong with wanting to be fit...but him calling you names because you have gained a little weight is uncalled for.
2007-09-10 12:16:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
no.. this is not normal behavior.. he needs to realize that calling you names will not help.. it will in fact.. make it worse!!if he wants to help then ask him to start excercising with you again and if you are really pressed for time join curves or something that combines a great workout in a short time! remember you are worth the time you make for yourself.. if you can't find 30 minutes 3-5 times a week you know deep down you don't want to!! you are still beautiful , i;m sure, so let him know how it makes you feel but make the changes for yourself!!
2007-09-10 13:12:35 · answer #9 · answered by gingersnap6565 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound "normal" exactly - but then again, if he's an exercise nut, and if fitness is something that's very important to him, then it's natural that he notices your weight gain more than an average man would.
2007-09-10 12:14:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋