he was taking adderall at the time & thinks that might have added to his "temporary insanity." This is VERY uncharacteristic of him. he's a nice, gentle caring person that says he had this urge he couldnt control. he is going to counseling & to a psych to try to get to the bottom of this. I guess my question is how can I get through this and is it even possible to get past? Right now, i am really having a hard time with everything but I decided to at least try to work it out with him. I was ready to file for divorce after reading about this incident in the local paper. (he never told me about it, i had to find out from an emailed copy of the article sent to me while I was at work.)
2007-09-10 09:46:24 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At first he had tried to say that I "drove him to it" because I am so controlling. I'll admit that I can be a controlling, take charge person. I work in a management position in a professional environment and am not someone that can be pushed around or taken advantage of. My agreeing to try to work through this is VERY uncharacteristic of me. If I were reading my question, I would tell me to get rid of him too. I guess with the emotional turmoil I am trying to get through, I don't feel that I have the ability to make an intelligent decision right now.
2007-09-10 10:14:51 · update #1
You are a good wife - and very forgiving. I would have left him, because I could never believe he didn't know what he was doing. And then to NOT tell you about it? No.
I would say that you need to speak to a counselor, too. Just as an outside person to help you sort out your feelings and thoughts about this. It will help you make a better decision for your life.
Good luck to you!
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Scarlett - Don't you dare let him put the blame on you. That means that he is NOT a good person. To do something and then try to turn it around and make it YOUR fault? He's not even taking responsibility for his own actions here. :( You've got to see that's all BS - you didn't make him do this. He just doesn't wanna own up to what he got caught doing.
Keep the faith, girl. Things work out the way they are meant to. You will find the right way for you.
2007-09-10 09:52:45 · answer #1 · answered by nite_angelica 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Every human being who ever lived, had, and has, moments of mental aberration. This is not insanity to be wringing your hands over, this is a mental glitch that may never return. You ask how can you get through this? My answer is.......do your job. Be a wife who supports her husband, in sickness and health, for better or worse, or had you forgotten so easily?
Have you considered the possibility that one of the reasons your husband behaved as he did, in a moment of weakness, and loss of control, might be the fact that he doesn't get much excitement, at home, in the bedroom, where such situations are normally resolved?
Any wife who was so ready to file for divorce at the first sign of trouble, can't be much fun to live with, wouldn't you say?
2007-09-10 10:15:24 · answer #2 · answered by doshiealan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How the heck did he take a pic up someone's skirt?
Was he crawling around on the floor at work?
If he is going to counseling, then you need to also see the counselor. After counseling, you should be better prepared to make a solid decision. Right now you're probably in emotional turmoil and need alittle stablilizing advice.
2007-09-10 09:56:27 · answer #3 · answered by LAL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you owe it to your husband to stick by him for a bit. If he's in counseling, that means he wants to find out why he did such a thing and that's good. He should have told you, though. You need to tell him that if he expects your support, he needs to be up front with you from now on. He was embarrassed, though, so I can understand his not wanting to tell you. Don't divorce him if he has a chance to change and "get well." If, however, he does anything like this again, then you might consider a separation.
2007-09-10 09:53:31 · answer #4 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart! Adderall is a medication prescribed for adult ADD -- I don't know if it would cause someone to take a picture of ladies undies or not! How in the world did he manage to pull that off and get in the newspapers to boot -- wow! Try to help him through this - I don't know how supportive I could be if that happened with my hubby - but at least give him a chance.
2007-09-10 09:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that holding off on the divorce is a wise idea for now but i would live seperatly from him while he gets through counseling and while you take some time to think about things. it seems to me that having someone take a picture like that would feel very close to someone looking in your window while you undress. don't those people get arrested? since camera phones are still new, this type off violation is new but from what i understand there are websites that feature upskirt pictures. so your husband did 2 things, he violated a womans privacy by peeping- and he betrayed you.hopefully his counseling can help him solve why he had the urge to do this but what if he wouldn't have been caught? how far would this behavior evolve?
2007-09-10 10:01:33 · answer #6 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Probably the biggest upset but what could help you is being here for him and supporting him, you admitted in the first part that this is "uncharacteristic" of him, and you can testify that then he shouldn't lose you over something that a medication did, but this should be checked out and possibly his meds changed.
Good for you for sticking by, I have a great deal of respect for you, and probably couldn't do it on my own, Just surround yourself with people who are there to help him!
2007-09-10 09:54:47 · answer #7 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's proving he's seeking counseling, and letting you have direct input and contact with this counselor, so you stay posted as to his seriousness about NOT doing this again, then I'd say give him a chance. I do NOT buy the "Adderall made me do it" excuse though. But I'd let him know ONE more strike, and I would be having him served without warning. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
2007-09-10 10:00:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. People can have secret and 2nd lives and we dont have any idea. You need to decide what you can live with--do you have years invested in this marriage? If not, you might consider divorce--go to counseling for his sake and yours. Decide after great thought, if he will stop this or has it been a lifetime thing that will continue.
I am sure he is the caring peson you describe---he has a problem within him that he cannot control and he needs help.
2007-09-10 09:53:17 · answer #9 · answered by skyward 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm wouldn't taking a picture be more of a deliberate act and take more time to commit than an act that could be instant and uncontrollable?
If he did something like pinch someone's bottom maybe (just maybe) I could buy it if the drugs were making him loopy. But think about the time it would take to do something like that - it's hard to believe it if you really think about what would be involved in committing this crime.
I think your husband is a nice, caring man who has a secret skeleton in his closet and it's a classic sign when he is blaming everyone or thing for this but himself.
Sorry, your husband has a thing for this.
2007-09-10 19:58:38 · answer #10 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋