My husbands children from a previous marriage are so rude.?

Question

They are 16, 15 and 11. They tell him when he is talking to him "you are an idiot" "are you stupid" "what kind of crap is that, shut up" etc. This weekend I couldn't stand to be around them, in the past I have told them I don't like them talking to my husband like that, they roll their eyes and keep up the banter. I don't know what to do. Last night my husband told me he didn't understand why I left him all alone this past weekend and didn't spend much time with them. I told him that I just couldn't take it. I don't know what to do....I really can't stand being around that. He was raised by parents who wouldn't have tolorated this, I am certain of that.....What is going on?

Answer 1

He puts up with it because he feels guilty about not being with them everyday. He's not doing them any favors, either. I was in your situation and I did the exact same thing...I left every time they would come over. I would not tolerate being disrespected in my own home. You should make it clear to your husband that he's teaching his kids that it's OK and acceptable to disrespect people, and then tell him that you are choosing to not be a part of it. He will get the message and turn into the dad that he needs to be.

Answer 2

These kids definitely should not be speaking to your husband, you, or any adult with those rude remarks. When you have a week end with the kids don't allow the children to keep you away from your husband. Let them know that such behavior will not be tolerated. I was raised with the knowledge that a smart tongue would get you popped right in your mouth. Trust me, it worked! However, you and your husband may not believe in 'spare the rod spoil the child'. What I would suggest is to tell your husband to punish their behavior by taking away a privilege that they would ordinarily receive during the week end they spend with you. Remove any phone privileges they may have or make them spend time in their room with no television. You and your husband should even consider getting the children's mother/guardian involved. This way not only will they lose privileges during their week ends with you but when they are back at home with her as well.

Answer 3

They are from a different marriage and two of them are teens. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there really isn't too much you can do about it. As for the 11 year old, if he/she lived with you, you could probably get a little control over this. Just tell your husband how you feel about the kids. (Which it sounds like you did.) Remember your vows, "For better or worse." Maybe try talking to them the way they talk to their father. That's a secular point of view. We spank and use "For Instruction in Righteousness". Because, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from them."

Answer 4

Most kids in this country at that age become very rebellious, especially kids in a divorce. Most of this crap is just attention getting, but it's also taking advantage of the fact you're husbands wants the kids to like him more than their mother. If he didn't take their crap, then there is the chance all three would abandon him for their mother. This is good for you, but horrible for him. He just loves them too much.


Solutions:

You can't do anything yourself but leave him as he will choose those kids over you. However, you can tell him that if his kids really loved him they wouldn't talk to him like that. Calmly as I know most women have to go ape **** to have this conversation. Tell him to talk to the leader of the three(no always the oldest) alone to work out the problems. If he succeeds the leader will in turn convince the other two to act better.

Answer 5

I would have their a$$e$ outside turning over the garden with a shovel. Bend the 16 and 15 year old over and spank them like they were 5. the embarrassment alone will make em think just a little. Get them out of the house for a while and take away all of their possesions that your husband has given them.....skateboards, mp3 players, playstations, etc and lock that stuff up until they straighten out. Also, talk to their mother and at least get a feel for what she thinks...even though it doesnt really matter, when they are at your house they obey and respect both of you or they dont come back. Put your foot down and stick to your guns..or they will walk all over you both forever.

Answer 6

In today's society it is not unusual for 16, 15, and 11 year old children to be disrespectful to their parents. When they speak to your husband in such a manner he should immediately tell that that such language is not acceptable. Unfortunately, you can't do anything. It is most likely that they children resent your relationship with their father; thus, if you tried to correct them, they would feel that you are trying to be their mother and would resent you even more.

Your husband tolerates the behavior because he feels guilty about leaving them and/or he doesn't have the skills to stop the behavior--a lot of us don't have those skills that's why so many children are so disrespectful to their parents.

You husband wants your support when his children are visiting which is why he questioned you leaving. The two of you need to discuss your limits with dealing with the situation.

Answer 7

Unfortunately he has created monsters,Most young children are the same, i had the same problem but told them out right they would not be welcome in my house if they were not civil to my wife, and i kicked them out to go back with their mom for three months then they came back and have been great ever since
Most children who were raised by people who don't or didn't know what they were doing when the had children should be beaten with a stick, All i can tell you is if you plan on having any of them stay in your home your marriage is doomed. they need a good shot of reality. if i were you i would tell my so called husband not to bring them around you and him any more. maybe the kids will learn they must earn respect and if they want to see their Dad again it had better happen soon,
if not pack your bags they will drive you right out of the house.

Answer 8

Congrats! Now they are your kids too! You are right to tell them that they should not talk to their father like that...but he is going to have to step up and reinforce that! You should talk to your huband about this so that you both, together can form a plan to change this behavior! The kids need to learn that this is not acceptable behavior! But it will only work if you both are consistant!! You can't run away or give up when the kids start in with the bad banter! You have to stick it out and stick to your principals! They need it and will appreciate it later in life!! (Even though sometimes it seems like they will never learn!!) How is the mother? Is it something that all of you can work on? If she and the ex are civil...I would definitely get her involved as well. She needs to be aware and responsible also!

Answer 9

he wants to be their friend but when your a parent u have to use discipline. he may feel guilty because he isn't with their mom anymore and he is trying to make up for it by not disciplining them. he is the only one who can change it. they will keep doing whatever he allows. he needs to lay the law down, there is not much u can do about this they will insult u too if u try to challenge their behavior. obviously they act like this at home too. maybe their mom has told them some bad stuff, maybe they blame him for the breakup between your husband and their mom. u need to talk to your husband about this and tell him u just can't stand being there with them under these conditions. but good luck because nothing gets resolved most of the time. seek therapy for yourself and if your husband is willing take him along also.

Answer 10

You're right to leave. I wouldn't put up with this either. I'd also have a few choice words to my husband about it, but that's a whole other matter.

I have a feeling that his ex probably spoke to him this way, so it would be no wonder his kids do it, too. Your husband needs to put his foot down, otherwise this will be never-ending. He may think he's trying to be the 'good guy' here by letting his kids do what they want, but in the end, the kids will be disrespectful adults who have no sense of decency, and will probably not have much to do with their father in their adult years anyways.