I was married before, but divorced after 3months because i realized the guy was full of lies. Its about 5 years gone now & I'm dating this new guy who is about to ask me to marry him. All of a sudden, i have mixed feelings about the idea. Am i scared? What should i tell him?
2007-09-10 08:31:16 · 54 answers · asked by gucci 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him you're not ready BEFORE he asks you.
2007-09-10 08:33:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well depending on how long you've been seeing him, you can say that it's a bit too soon. And if it's been over a year or two, then you can just say that you don't feel ready.
It's normal to feel scared after a previous divorce.
If you were to do that again, what's more only a few months into a marriage, it'd definitely look like you HAVE problems!
So, there's no harm in wanting to do the right thing, whether by him and yourself.
Good luck.xxx
2007-09-10 08:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd wait until he asks because maybe he wasn't planning, too. You've been wrong before about a man's intention.
If he asks, and there's any chance that you'd like to be married to him, say that you want this marriage to last so you'll need time to think. Find a minister, priest or prenuptial counselor to work with you alone or the two of you together to help you reach an answer within a few weeks/months.
2007-09-10 08:39:59 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would approach him and have a serious discussion about your feelings now, since your relationship is getting to a serious place. If you are getting to a point that he's looking to propose marriage, it's best to open the communication now and let him know what you're still carrying with you from your past.
Also, look into some therapy for yourself. It's been five years and you need to move on, for yourself more than anything. It's normal to feel the way you are after a failed marriage, but maybe someone can help you talk through your feelings and help you move away from it.
2007-09-10 08:37:28 · answer #4 · answered by ~*~ strryeyedgrrl ~*~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him that you are not ready to make that choice yet. Two many people get married these days without being sure, only to get divorsed later. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything bad about people that have gotten a divorce (my boyfriend has been married) but you should not rush into anything that you are not sure about. He will be ok with it if you explain to him how you are feeling. And if he's not, then you probably did not really need to stay with him anyway.
2007-09-10 08:40:17 · answer #5 · answered by wingedstrider 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communicate with him. You obviously have fears, worries, and such about a committment because you sound like you understand what a true marraige should be like, ie, faithful committment to your spouse.
Even though you have experienced a negative marraige doesn't make you less eligible for a true marraige that can work.
If he asks you and you are not ready yet, just be honest with him. If he truly loves you and understands your feelings then he will be there for when you decide.
If you just aren't really into him, then let him know that, also, since you might be holding him up from a great relationship that he is ready for.
2007-09-10 08:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are nervous because of your failed marriage. You need to do some soul searching and find out if your "mixed feelings" are because this guy isn't right for you, or because of issues in your past. Either way, you owe it to him to be open and honest. Maybe bring up the issue of marriage with him before he proposes, that way you can discuss it together and talk about any fears or worries either of you may have. Better to talk it over now than to wait while he is full of hope and on one knee in front of you. Good luck!
2007-09-10 08:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you appreciate him asking you. If you love him, tell him you do love him. But then bite the bullet and go ahead and tell him that you can't say yes yet. If you believe that someday you might be able to say yes, tell him that. However, and this is key, be completely honest with him. For example if you don't know that you'll ever feel sure you want to marry him, tell him that you can't make any promises. Offer him freedom from the relationship if he wants it, but do all this in the nicest, most sincere tone of voice you can muster so that he knows you want things to continue as they are (assuming you do).
2007-09-10 08:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably scared that the same thing is going to happen to you, but i think you should be honest, you shouldn't go for it when you have doubts about or simply aren't ready for it, so ask him for some time, you don't want to make a mistake by saying yes though you don't feel like you're ready. So talk to him and let him know how you feel before he asks you, that way it'll be easier on him, and he'll know what to expect. Hope i was able to help!! :)
2007-09-10 08:36:13 · answer #9 · answered by Pat's Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look if you really love this guy then sit him down and tell him everything about how you feel and and what happened with the other guy , if he really loves you and wants to be with you then he will wait till you are ready , just because you take the ring doesn't mean you have to run to the alter , have a really long engagement , or try to live together for awhile just don't give up because of one dude.
2007-09-10 09:00:10 · answer #10 · answered by leather_2000_27203 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with him. You will hurt him Less in the long run. You might just be worried cause of the first time so really sort out how you feel. Maybe you need to go to some counseling cause you haven't gotten over the first marriage yet and it has been 5 years.
2007-09-10 08:36:04 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋