How do I stay strong in dealing with my father's OD/death?

Question

So, long story,I'll attempt to tell it as quickly as possible:I'm 23-My dad quickly began a downward spiral 3 yrs ago which led to drug abuse and eventually a fatal heroin overdose a few months ago. A week before that,a good friend/ex boyfriend(together almost 4 yrs) was killed. I say that just to let you know what kind of emotional state i've been in. Its been a few months now and for the most part I've got myself together...but sometimes I have uncontrollable breakdowns. I take out my anger on my boyfriend. I'm paranoid that he's going to use drugs again(he was a past heroin addict)...even though he's been clean for years,has a son,and has his act together 100%. I feel terrible that I lash out because I'm upset with my father for leaving me. My boyfriend has been so understanding and supportive. I know he's not in turmoil anymore, which I'm happy about. But its still tough.I feel like I'm going to lose it sometimes-i'm increasingly paranoid , I don't want to ruin my relationship

Answer 1

Although my circumstances are different from yours.
I lost a daughter to cancer in 1990.

Death is death, no matter how they died.

I understand a self inflicted death would make family and friends more angry.
I went thru many hard years dealing with the death of my daughter. I finally went to grief counseling.
I also started writing in a journel (which helped so much)
I wrote a letter to my daughter many times, telling her how I felt and how much I miss her. The last one I wrote was one saying that I finally was letting her go, not her memory, just my pain... It helped so much...

When I got so angry, like you. I would go out somewhere alone, in the car or in the woods and I would scream my head off... Or I would Take some eggs and throw them at anything, (outside of course) in private.
If you can get a punching bag and take your frustration and anger out on it. It helps, I promise. You need to direct your anger somewhere other than your Boyfriend.

I have lost some friends to suicide so I can understand your anger also...

Take the time to grieve, take as long as you want, it will get a little easier, but the pain never goes away. Cry when you need to also. And get mad when you need to, just do it in private and dont lash out on friends, family, Boyfriend.
It will happen from time to time... since you are aware that you are doing it, just excuse your self and do it alone.

My thoughts are with you. faith

Answer 2

Friends/Time