About 3 months ago I had a short affair (about 3 weeks) with a lady. I ended the affair, and cut off all contact with the woman. I am trying to repair my relationship with my wife (she knows about the affair). It was a huge mistake and will take a long time to ever repair our marriage. But I'm trying. My ex-lover's husband recently sent me an email, saying he is still angry and hurt and would love to tell all my family, friends, neighbors about what happened. I have never met him. Should I reply to his mesage with an aplogy - or just leave it be?
2007-09-10 08:11:37 · 53 answers · asked by Rick S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think you should apoligize
its only fair
2007-09-10 08:15:38 · answer #1 · answered by Brooke 2 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I would reply, and make sure to tell him that the affair has hurt your own marraige and that it will take a long time to repair, and that it was a big mistake, that your wife was really hurt, etc. Maybe also ask him to try and understand that you are not completely at fault, and that you hope his wife is also sincerely sorry for her actions, and that you both really need to work on repairing your marriages. I can understand her husband being angry and upset with you, but I hope he realizes that it takes two to tango, and that his wife was not the innocent victim. Try your best not to sound mean, or accusing, and try not to insult him or her in any way. I think no matter how angry people get, it always helps to apologize.
2007-09-10 08:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by Spicy!!!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone its over and the womans husband needs to put the total blame on his wife where it belongs and keep it there!! If he is that hurt and out of it he needs to take his wife and get some counseling as I hope you and your wife are doing? You are very lucky that your wife is trying to work this out with you....so the last thing she needs is anymore humilation from it. If this man tries to contact you or harrass you and your family again call the police to put a stop to him or file an exparte against him! Protect your wife from any more hurt that she has already endured and never ever do this to her again.
2007-09-10 08:40:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you have fallen to temptation, and are now reaping the consequences.
I commend you on realizing this, and that you have committed to repair the damage you have caused to both your family, and that of the other woman.
The responsible thing to do is to write back, and apologize, and let him know that you are sorry, and will never do it again. And mean it. Don't even talk to her again if you encounter her anywhere.
He may still be angry, and may yet carry out his threat - but it was you who started the entire thing, so you really have no call on his reaction. Just resolve to never again hurt your family and relatives in this way.
I wish you well.
2007-09-10 08:23:14 · answer #4 · answered by InspectorBudget 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you did'nt break trust with him, but you did cause him tremendous pain. I'm glad that you acknowledge your mistake and that you and you're wife are trying to mend things. But you must also accept that indirectly, you have caused damage to another marriage.
In my opinion, an email outlining your regret over this affair would be a kindness. Then don't enter into any more correspondence with him. Good Luck with everything.
2007-09-10 08:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by Catherine1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would apologize in a sincere way, because it can be forgiven by him with just a few honest words from u, alot of hurts are forgiven this way and he will be able to find peace and restore his marriage. make him understand that u know what u did hurt him terribly than leave it alone. this man can do u harm in the future if no forgiveness is found on his part. plus not to mention your own conscience. right now he wants to hurt u as bad as u hurt him, so humble yourself to him, he was hurt by all this too just like your wife. lucky you that your wife was willing to forgive u. if u humble yourself it will all be forgiven and the man won't be able to hate u anymore.
2007-09-10 08:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would reply to his message. He wants some type of validation of the way he is feeling. It's all out in the open anyway.
I don't know that I'd tell your wife and I certainly wouldn't try to contact his again, but I would respond to him. To act like he never even said anything to you, after you laid down with his wife is even a bigger insult.
While it won't be pleasant, I say it needs to be done. My guess is that you will receive a 'venting' email from him after you respond, but you'll survive.
You and this man's wife ruined (perhaps not permanentaly) two families. You owe it to him and her to try to make amends.to him if it helps him heal from the damage your actions (and hers) have caused.
Good luck to all of you guys.
2007-09-10 08:30:26 · answer #7 · answered by nite_angelica 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think an apology is in order. However, after the apology I think you might consider asking him to stop trying to contact you as you feel it will be better for everyone's efforts to get over this if you are not in touch. He is either going to tell all and humiliate himself, along with you and his wife and your wife, or he is going to get a grip and start rebuilding his life. Either way, the damage is done and you have not one whit of control over what he chooses to do.
2007-09-10 08:20:54 · answer #8 · answered by naniannie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I almost wonder if he's trying to see if you'll contact his wife again if he gives you a "reason." Best bet, leave it be. He wouldn't be satisfied with your apology anyway. If he continues to contact you, block his emails and have absolutely NO contact with his wife or him. Both this guy and your wife have a lot to forgive, and any contact you each would have with each other would only cause more problems. Good luck to you.
2007-09-10 08:21:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step up my friend, and take your medicine. Too many guys today are weaseling out of taking their come-upence. Look at this way. If he tells your family it could start a chain re-action. Not to mention the embarrassment it would cause your wife, who is already hurt. Stand up take the punch in the mouth and get over it.
2007-09-10 08:32:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My ex wife's illicit lover never apologized to me. In fact he was formerly a friend of mine. He was angry with me for finding out. He never did say anything to me about it. That hurt me for years. I still can't look at this man (we work in the same business district) and find anything good about him. I wish he had simply said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it." It would have made me feel a lot better.
2007-09-10 08:30:28 · answer #11 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋