Where do I start! Just thanks in advance to anyone who can offer their advise.
Basically I'm in love with a straight guy, we are great friends, he's known I'm gay from day 1. He's marginally younger than me and has told me on several occassions that I'm a good mate and he comes to see me alot. I know this will never go any further but how do I get rid of these feelings? Its affecting my sleep and to be honest I just feel miserable and I'm having to put a face on all the time.
He's the kindest funniest most loving person, I'm sure he knows how I feel, I've told him he's a good looking/great guy etc etc when he's needed a confidence boost but I'm 99% sure this is going no where.
I know I need to move on but really don't know where to start. Help!!!
2007-09-10 08:10:55 · 32 answers · asked by Jamie 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
keep him as a friend......he will always be there. lovers leave
2007-09-10 08:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well it seems you already know what you have to do....cut off the feelings which is extremely hard. But you know that your relationship is going no further than friendship. He sounds like an awesome guy and you are very close, but the thought of losing him as a friend if you can't get rid of your feelings for him might be a good way to start.
I had a guy friend in high school who was dating a girl for four years and I did the stupid thing and told him how I felt. We see each other every once in a while but only stop to say hi. He's married now to a different girl. I always think that if I wouldn't have been so selfish, if we could have been just friends....maybe that different girl would've been me. Or maybe we still would be just friends. But either way it would be better than losing him completely.
2007-09-10 08:29:06 · answer #2 · answered by hellrazor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, you said he has known you were gay since day 1 and is cool with it. You said he is a great friend and he seems to think highly of you as such too.
If this is true, he can probably take whatever you would have to say to him, as long as it was upfront and truthful. Considering that, i would suggest that you sit him down and tell him straight forward (no pun intended), that you are having some feelings for him that extend beyond friendship. Tell him you know he is straight and that he is not interested in an intimate relationship with you. Then, most importantly, explain that you don't want to do anything to risk or damage that friendship and because of that, you kinda need some time to yourself. Make sure he knows it isn't because you are upset with him or anything, but because you need to get yourself past this so the two of you can continue on with a great friendship. If he is a true good friend, he will understand and support you in this, and probably would not be weirded out by it either.
Whatever kind of issues come up between friends - real friends - it can always be worked out as long as each are completely honest with themselves and each other.
This is a win win situation. You will make him understand that you are struggling with some things related to him, that you don't want to damage your exisiting friendship with him, and you need to work through this for a bit. In the meantime, start looking around for a potential romantic interest elsewhere. As a sidenote, when you explain that you have some deeper feelings for him, he could surprise you with a similar confession.
Very best of luck to you dude.
2007-09-10 08:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by Lon E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I've been here before, and still am really. If he's your first guy crush, don't expect to get over him. I'd focus on furthering your friendship when your around him, but allow your feelings to flourish when you're alone. Eventually they'll die down (they won't die away though) and you'll fall for another guy. And at least you have a glimmer of hope...I know 100% that I'm never going to be with Chris. You accept it eventually and move on, but not without some pain.
2007-09-10 08:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by E.Q. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, if you weren't so verbose, I'd think you were 1 of my 3 or 4 friends going through the exact same thing. I know what it's like, because I've always had crushes on gay guys - I even went out with one (before he came out). It's hard, but more a matter of will than anything else - you just have to constantly remind yourself that nothing will come of it, and if you look/act like you're really interested in someone, a potential relationship might die before it can even begin. Try to surround yourself with distractions, things you love (art, movies, animals, whatever). Sooner or later, your feelings will wane, but I know how frustrating it is in the mean time. Hang in there!
2007-09-10 08:18:42 · answer #5 · answered by oldwhatshername 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, a straight guy can love another straight or gay guy and not be gay or bisexual. We're talking love not sexual orientation. Just as a man can love a female without it being an indication that he is heterosexual or bi. Platonic love is a wonderful thing to experience. Our culture is a bit too sex obsessed, in my opinion, and the need to label things should probably stop with food ingredients, and doesn't need to include ourselves. Such labelling can breed insecurities and outsiders intrusive attention, when it is none of their business. I loved my best friend who died of cancer - it wasn't sexual. I still love a female, who taught me at school, she is one of the best people I know and respect. I just love her. And it's not sexual. And the affectionate aspect that you mention too - I've known tons of straight guys who are affectionate with some friends. Some guys are more affectionate than others, less constrained by 'what others might think'. In some cultures, affection between males is commonplace, without any sexual levels. Western culture has just blown-up the gay thing a bit too much, so that some straights are now uncomfortable just being themselves. Very sad. If you are a Christian, would Jesus love other men, differently to women? I'm sure he would love men, in the way that you refer to it. And it wouldn't mean anything sexual, just pure love. We can experience the same too. Just some quick thoughts. Good luck! Rob
2016-03-13 22:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by Brenda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the EXACT same situation happen to me... unfortunately... it was the first time i ever really "fell in love"... and since i hadn't ever FELT those feelings before.... to that degree... i was completely consumed... it was awful... and when i finally told him how i felt ( and understand that i hadn't told ANYONE that i was even slightly gay or bisexual ) he stopped wanting to hang out with me... acted like he barely knew me when we would "bump" into each other at a mutual friends... it CRUSHED me...
... my advice... do NOT set yourself up for this heartbreak... he's OFF LIMITS... sign yourself up for Match.com... go on some dates with guys who DO want to have a relationship... and move on... as quickly as is humanly possible... nothing good can come of this... anymore than a woman who is with a gay guy... if that means that you have to stop hanging around him so much then do it... you WILL find someone else... you WILL find love if you look for it... but you have to start with a fighting chance... and in this case it's not there... if he's truly straight.. there's nothing that can EVER be done... same as anyone trying to "turn you" straight... ( sorry bible thumpers... it doesn't work )... now is a better time than ever in history to be gay... you have the luxury of actually being able to persue a healthy, loving relationship and with the internet.... it's really really easy to meet guys... CUTE ones... HOT ones.. they're EVERYwhere...
Good luck!...
2007-09-10 08:28:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you push this issue, there will be tragedy. Believe me, I know. Even if you get the level of physical closeness that you think you want, it will not be the pure thing that both of you deserve, if he's truly straight.
Find out instead if he can accept your love in the form of friendship and then train yourself to realize that this is the most honorable thing that can happen. And be content with it.
Otherwise, things can and probably would take a very nasty turn.
2007-09-10 08:17:42 · answer #8 · answered by coralsnayk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Help, I'm in love with a straight guy?
Where do I start! Just thanks in advance to anyone who can offer their advise.
Basically I'm in love with a straight guy, we are great friends, he's known I'm gay from day 1. He's marginally younger than me and has told me on several occassions that I'm a good mate and he...
2015-08-06 23:53:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm , you should always keep good friends friends. If more people never crossed the line you are about or attempt to cross there be more friends and less fake ones. Maybe he was very accepting and you was always looking for him to be your man from the begining , and it blossemed into a a very good friendship. Don't wreck your friendship , but seems like you will anway.... slap yourself once , maybe it'll bring you to what you are about to do.
2007-09-10 08:38:34 · answer #10 · answered by BPEN CHAI BORORO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The real answer is that time will take care of this as long a you keep your head out of the clouds. No reason to end the friendship - just know in your heart thta he is straight and respect that - -eventually this feeling WILL disapate.
Been there done that!!
2007-09-10 08:17:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋