Do you think this poem is written well?

Question

If not, what could I do to improve it?

Here is the poem; it's called Hope.


Frost lies on the blackened ground,
Whispers float in the air,
The spirits all gather around,
Their presence is everywhere.
Single green shoot in a deadened forest,
Fights for it’s right to live anew,
The spirits all gather around it,
The words they speak are words so true.
“Even in the dead of night,
After all are laid to rest,
Even without the moons light,
After all have left,
Even then when hope is gone,
Can there be a sign of life,
After all is over and done,
There can be a sign of Right.”
The spirits song of hope rings true,
For green is the color of hope,
And green is that one lonely shoot,
That through winter and ash can cope.

Thank you.

I've edited the poem according to Kevin S's advice. Here is the revised version:

Hope

Frost lies on the blackened ground,
Whispers float in the air,
The spirits are all gathered around,
Their presence is everywhere.
Single green shoot in a deadened forest,
Fights for its right to live anew,
The spirits sing their songs around it,
The words they speak are words so true.
“Even in the dead of night,
After all are laid to rest,
Even without the bright moon’s light,
After all have left,
Even then, when hope is gone,
Can there be a sign of life,
After all is over and done,
There can be a sign of Right.”
The spirit’s song of hope rings true,
For green is the color of hope,
And green is that one lonely shoot,
That through winter and ash can cope.

(Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.)

Answer 1

Pretty good poem...few hard spots...I'd recommend adding a beat in the third line...perhaps "the spirits all are gathered around". The sixth line, "fights for it's..." should be "fights for its...", as in something belonging to it, not "it is". Then you repeat the "spirits" line again...too much...already been said. Either omit this one or the previous one...poet's choice. The line, "even without the moons light" is short a beat...perhaps add the word "soft", "pale", "bright", or some other single syllable modifier of light...and it's "moon's", not "moons". You also need a comma after "then" in "even then, when hope is gone". In the line, "the spirits song..." it should be "spirit's song..."

keep writing

Answer 2

Yes it's great poem and very nicely written, well done!

Answer 3

i am going to be horribly honest about your peice, i Quite enjoyed it, well done lass, you are on to something. best of luck to you.

Answer 4

i like it. if that means anything. Way better than anything i could come up with