Charmed by the man with the eyes to see
Felt rapture
Sudden amongst tribes of our own
Lie unspoken thoughts in each others mind
If only you could know me
If only I could show you
Then you’d see I too am like you
If only you would let me
Go where no armour piercing bullet will go
Let me , a soft voice calls
So you brush away to more urgent things
The girl lacking purpose
Like a prop on our stage
Causes such trouble
And likes to be touched
So I held a silence
From birth till today
When a day soon shall dawn
We’ll cast our shells away
Bought time from a merchant
With a gleam in his eye
Bought time from a merchant
Not willing to die
Buy time from a merchant
Or do I confuse
An ocean of time at my beckoning
With my imaginary muse
So a god lacking intelligence
We all call him names
And prove to him our worthiness
And put to others the blame
I lived in a deep tunnel
To sunlight I gasped
I learned to sleep in silence
With nothing to grasp
Like insignificant ones in limbo
Like the moss on the wall
2007-09-10 07:23:54 · 5 answers · asked by likeminded 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i didnt mean god lacks intelligence only our perception of god makes him appear that way in truth , god cannot be put in a box or a book
2007-09-10 07:37:30 · update #1
why don't u call it "charmed"?? becareful putting poems on sites like this, someone could steal it and pass it off as their own!! it's a nice poem too!!
2007-09-10 07:30:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not as good as "thousand fears."
In the first stanza, you start out in the 1st person, then change perspective suddenly with the third line of the first stanza ("Sudden amongst tribes of our own") to a 3rd person world view, then on the next line change a universal view, then on the next line change back to a first person view. Try to maintain one perspective.
It's a good practice piece. Keep writing. But don't be afraid to take one you've written, analyze it and make improvements till you have full control of your pen (so to speak).
2007-09-10 17:39:26 · answer #2 · answered by livemoreamply 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have the name within your own poem- "unspoken thoughts"...
2007-09-10 14:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I read it 3 times, and I lost you a little over halfway. You confused me. lol
Write on
2007-09-10 14:32:03 · answer #4 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
good job
2007-09-11 16:53:46 · answer #5 · answered by bookwyrm64744 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋