Please close your eyes and journey
Come take a trip with me
We’ll travel to a brokenness
From which she had to flee
Her world became so lonely
So dark, no light in view
She found herself so broken
So empty, nothing true
She was so lost, bewildered
Blinded by the world
How could so many bad things
Be done to, a little girl
She found her pain so crippling
She was handicapped in fear
How would this world now view her?
How would she now appear?
She’d close her eyes and cry and cry
She’d cry herself to sleep
And when she’d finally lift her head
She still could only weep
Her heart so broke, so shattered
She yearned to feel real love
To find herself just one true thing
But nothing was enough
She’d find herself so broken now
Broken heart and shattered dreams
Why had she been forsaken
Please someone answer me
She hung her head to cry in shame
Oh, what had she done wrong
How long must she endure this?
Please tell her just how long
Her journey became so lonely now
Her heart grew hard as steel
She took pride in building thick walls
So thick, to thick to feel
But, then she heard a message
She went alone one day to church
The Pastor spoke about forgiveness
How it would heal her hurts
But, how could I ever do this?
Forgive all bad things done to me
How could I just let go of this
This anger now was me
But something began to speak to me
Not those bad things done to me
But how a Father gave His son
He died to set me free
I thought about Him on that cross
How he must’ve felt
His body striped, so broken
I bowed my head and knelt
Oh Father, I’m so broken now
Please Lord forgive my sins
I haven’t lived my life for you
I haven’t let You in
If He could now forgive me
When, so long I turned away
Then I would now forgive too
I’d have to find a way
My walls began to shatter now
My heart began to mend
I put the pieces in His hands
The Potters work began
He’s putting back the pieces now
He’s creating something new
Once a broken Vessel
I now stand Whole in front of you
2007-09-10 06:40:14 · 7 answers · asked by HisPrincess 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
the poem was in fact about being broken
2007-09-15 12:37:20 · update #1
excellent structure, flow was very good. although- (it's the critic, there's always a but) your vocabulary. you have to expand your vocabulary. i didn't count but you used the word broke, broken- too many times. expand your vocabulary to intensify your writing. better then most on here though. work on it.
2007-09-15 10:41:59 · answer #1 · answered by the critic!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-05 16:22:36 · answer #2 · answered by Everett 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was a long, but very creative poem. I found it to be very mature and overall wonderful. There aren't too many writers who can be mature with their work. Personally, you have a great future ahead of you in writing, so keep going, and keep up the good work. I know you can do great things. You were born to write! Great Job!!
2007-09-10 06:49:53 · answer #3 · answered by djb32067433_1 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A very well written poem...with a few hard spots. I'd normally point them out, but you've done such a good job with the rest, I'm convinced you'll hear them if you have someone read this out loud to you...they'll jump right out and you've more than enough talent to fix them.
nice writing
2007-09-12 18:33:09 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice, I see you have a great hope in the Lord.
2007-09-10 11:49:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great poem! Have a star!
2007-09-10 07:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by Girl In Green 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo dude that was cool!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-18 02:20:39 · answer #7 · answered by Leroy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋