I am a 32 year old man hopefully getting married to a v nice girl in about 4 months. I have been diagnosed with Obsessive compulsive disorder and chronic depression and i have told my fiance all about that EXCEPT one important detail.. One of my psychiatrists told me that he can give me in writing that my marriage will end in divorce once the honeymoon is over (especially if i am not properly controlled with medicines and psychotherapy). Currently i believe that i am about 70-80% controlled (i dont think i can ever be 100% disease free). I have a reasonable job and I am taking the meds and psychotherapy. Should i be brutally honest and tell my fiance what my psychiatrist told me or should i be more diplomatic about it or hide it from her?
2007-09-10 05:35:02 · 37 answers · asked by Bob 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, i dont live in the US and mine is a totally arranged marriage (arranged by the parents). So, u americans might not fully understand my situations. I have just seen her photos and talked to her by phone. She is not very beautiful or attractive. I dont love her and neither does she love me. I am only marrying her because all the other pretty women whom i love, dump me once they hear about my medical history (or their parents dump me). Her parents are v conservative and dont believe that i should meet her before marriage. When i told her about my diseases , i was expecting that she would dump me too, but she was very considerate, which really impressed me. (people say that in arranged marriages, love comes after the marriage).
2007-09-10 06:19:08 · update #1
Keep that information to yourself. Also, I would not believe it, even if it is true.
If you are convinced it will end, then it will end. In other words, if you are going to have any chance of your marriage working, you must BELIEVE it will work!
2007-09-10 05:38:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
Marriage is about trust and communication. I understand that you are affraid to say something in fear that she will walk away from you, but you saying that you've told her almost everything and she is still willing on marrying you, I don't think one more thing is going to hurt. If you don't tell her, it's going to eat u up inside. And why would the doctor tell you that you'll get a divorce after the honeymoon? What your just gonna snap...I don't think so! I can't say anything about your doctor, he has a degree and all that shnaz, but doctors aren't always correct...If this is a girl that you want to spend the rest of your life with, why do you want to keep that from her? and you never know you might talk to her about it and she'll say what a "stupid doctor". She's marrying you for a reason, what if you found this out after you were already married? then what do you think she would do, just go grab some divorse papers and get it over with...it doesn't work like that. She loves you, and you love her...You don't have to say it to her so abruptly, but mention somethings that you think she might want to know and the things that would make you feel better knowing that the one you love still loves you no matter what! I'm almost positive that she'll understand, I'm a female and I'm in a relationship with a 37 yr old man...I'm 25...My boyfriend has problems after problems...health and physical....I didn't turn away from him when he told me everything, he was cautious like you, but I loved him and I was there for him and my point is, is that if your fiance loves you truely, you can talk to her...it'll make you feel better and she'll have a better understanding....Don't be affraid, she loves you!
2007-09-10 05:55:19 · answer #2 · answered by needhelp25 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I think that perhaps you need a new psychiatrist.
I'm sure there are other people with your same disorders that are married.
I think that it makes no sense for your psychiatrist to tell you that. Of all people he/she should understand that telling you your marriage will fail after the honeymoon could trigger some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you can survive in a healthy, lasting relationship....why not a marriage?
I'm assuming your fiancee knows of your 'problems' and is apparently willing to work with you. If she has not met your psychiatrist, I don't see how such a prediction could have been made.
Good luck.
2007-09-10 05:47:24 · answer #3 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriages thrive and die based on the level of honesty and trust the couple shares. If this woman loves you, which I'm sure she does, she will love you even more after you share something so difficult with her. Intimacy is more just physical. If I were you, I'd start talking with your pastor about how Christ can help your relationship. Psychiatrists tend to only look at a problem from one angle, and never take into consideration the human side. With Christ, your relationship will always have a strong foundation to go to when times get rough. Good luck, and God Bless.
2007-09-10 05:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by nemorino147 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go about it more tactfully. Your doctor put it very negatively. Inform your fiance that one of your psychiatrist feels very strongly that without proper care your marriage will not last past the honeymoon period.
A side question, why do you have multiple psychiatrists? You really should have only one, and by all means get rid of the negative one, neither of those ailments are a death sentence to a marriage as long as both involved are aware of it, as well as any symptoms.
2007-09-10 05:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by Manny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never hide such from the one you love. You need to visit with her. Would you want to know? Think about it,you get married have the 2.5 kids and then go of the deep end and there your wife is standing looking around like what just happened. I think you can control this if you allow it and keep on your Meds"thats a must" You need to talk with her, maybe you can come up with a way to keep things fresh and new. But it will take work from both just not her....
2007-09-10 05:41:35 · answer #6 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
psychiatrists told you what??? Give me a break..if this girl loves you she will continue to no matter what you are dealing with. I think you should tell her so you can laugh about it together..if she knows you have ocd then she knows what she's dealing with..hasn't she been with you long enough for you to get engaged? I think this quack just gave you an insecurity that new marriages do not need...do not let them hinder your new marriage or your realtionship with your fiance. I know how hard depression is, but you and your wife will make it through...good luck and congrats on the engagement!!
2007-09-10 05:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your physchiatrist needs to get HIS head sorted out. I don't mean to be rude, but how can he possibly think that telling you that kind of stuff is going to help things at all, let alone make you any better?! If you believe him, and think that it won't work, then it probably won't. Ignore him, and tell yourself the truth, that you really want it to work, that your marriage will be long, happy and fulfilling, and that it isn't going to break up just because your psychiatrist told you it would. It is all down to you. If i were you, i would stop seeing this psychiatrist, i would forget about what he said, and i would not tell your fiancee. You need to be seeing people who give you positive thoughts. Work at your marriage, and it will all be fine :) Good luck :)
2007-09-10 05:47:22 · answer #8 · answered by Harriet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she would appreciate it better if you tell her the truth, rather than hide it from her. I know it's hard but I personally appreciate the fact that my husband was very honest with me before getting married esp regarding health issues and I think if it were you, you wouldn't really like being lied to. Besides what the psychiatrist said might not happen, it's just a hyphosis!
Good luck
2007-09-10 05:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by skypower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your doctor was way out of line saying such a thing to you! He is not in your relationship and he cannot know this!! It might be in your best interest to find another psychiatrist. If you are open with your fiance about your health problems, that is good! If you take your medications properly and continue with therapy, that is VERY good. I think your psychiatrist needs a psychiatrist!
2007-09-10 05:50:28 · answer #10 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping some things confidential between a doctor and patient is a touchy subject. I find it difficult to understand why he would be discouraging you. Ultimately it is up to you and your fiance to make a marriage work, not someone elses opinion and statistics. If she is with you this far and you make each other happy, determine yourself whether or not to go on with this union. It seems you are doing all you can to control your issues, and getting a written statement like that from a doctor doesn't say much for his expertise. Good luck to you and make your own choices.
2007-09-10 05:45:08 · answer #11 · answered by bjstree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋