This is for the women out there who may shed some light...Been married for 20 yrs. 2 children, out doing their own thing. We live in a nice home, cabin in the mtns, condo in Hawaii, Timeshare in Cabo...she drives a BMW, more Louis Vuittons and Coach purses than I care to count...Doesnt have a job, I work from home so we spend plenty of time together...and my wife treats me like crap. What gives? Now, I'm not the sensitive, new age, tears on my pillow kind of guy. I believe its my duty as a husband to be supportive, to provide, to keep her safe and I think I've done a pretty good job. But, its getting ridiculous. At some point when does she have to acknowledge that I too have needs and feelings? I'm feeling underappreciated. I get stressed too. I get tired of the same old thing. But this woman has a great life. We spend lots of time together and It seems like she doesnt care and doesnt want to hear me out sometimes. Starting to feel lonely...
2007-09-10 03:53:48 · 21 answers · asked by tony 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like the answer is counseling. I do not think material items take the place of love. We spend a lot of time together. I do encourage her. I encouraged her to get her real estate license and she did. She never used it. I encourage her to get involved in my work...she wont. We go to dinner few times a week. Hell, she dont even cook...I DO. We spend lots of time together...But I need more. I have my own hobbies and she has her friends, workout buddies. So I dont think we are smothering each other. Could it be she just dont care? As for the material things...She can have it...She can take it all...I have always said..if she ever wanted out...she can have it all. So...she doesnt really have an incentive to cheat or worry about what will happen if things didnt work out. And NO, I'm not 5ft tall, 300 lbs and bald, NOT EVEN CLOSE. Maybe I should call Dr.Phil...HAHA
2007-09-10 04:27:29 · update #1
Dude!
You need to make your spoiled brat wife work for all the things you have provided her. I'm not talking about her servicing you at will. That's nothing more than prostitution!
Just make her appreciate all the good things you have done for her and your family. How, stop just giving her ANYTHING she wants. Learn how to say no. Continue to provide the essentials but cut back on all the frills (BMW's, Coach, & Louis Vutton bags cost a bunch of money). Start questioning WHY she NEEDS this stuff.
Doing these things will cause one of two things to happen.
1. It will give you the ability to bring her to terms with her horrible behavior. You tell her what she's been doing and that you don't give "GIFTS" to a person that does not respect you and treat you as a person of worth. The ideal result is she will come to terms with this horrid behavior. This may require a marriage counsular as an arbitrator.
2. She will start cheating on you and you will need to dump her. In fact, this may already be happening.
2007-09-10 03:58:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You sound like a well-intentioned guy so here's something that you may not realize you're doing. You work at home so you're physically in the same place, but chances are, she wants more than that. Money isn't everything, and it can't buy happiness.
You want her to change her behavior? The easiest way to do that is by changing your own. Start by thinking about how the two of you behaved towards each other at the beginning of your relationship. What things did you do then, that maybe you aren't now? Try cooking her dinner again - that's always more special than dining out, I don't care how much money you have & how fancy the reataurant is. Send her flowers for no reason at all - when did you do that last? Work less - focus more on her. Hold hands every chance you get, tell her she's beautiful. Behave like there's nothing else in the world that matters when she's near. I GUARANTEE if you do this for even just a month, she'll start reacting to it & will start treating you the same way. People are like mirrors - what you give is what you get.
2007-09-10 04:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your wife calmly and tell her what you are feeling without blaming her. Ask her if she has issues that you could address. Figure out ways to improve the marriage and work at it. Just because your wife shops a lot and spends money does not mean that she is happy. Sometimes people do these things to fill an emotional void in their lives. Understand her feelings too, you say that you are not the sensitive type, maybe your wife needs you to be more sensitive. You have shown your wife that you are a good provider and that you are supportive. Marriage thrives on attention and romance too than just by caring for the practicalities of life. Instill some romance in your marriage. Getting your wife flowers, cooking her dinner some day for no reason would have more value for her than the Louis Vittons and the Coach purses that she has got. Meantime, how about taking care of yourself to reduce your stress by taking up an exercise regime if you haven't already or by pursuing a hobby ?
2007-09-10 04:07:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems your wife has taken to love your wallet more than you.
You sound like a successful businessman so think back to your past. Was there ever a time where you think she may have felt unappreciated? That she was helping you get on your feet and she was not receiveing much in return? If that is the case, she could be feeling like "I made him, I deserve all that I have"...
OR, maybe she feels like she is not good enough so she treats you like she feels. In that case it is HER not YOU!
I think you need to move your business out of the house. Get it onto a different space, 5 blocks away, wherever, just get your work out of the house! Pronto! People who see each other too much do get tired of each other married or not. Spend some time away from her.
See your buddies, play a round of golf, go play a game of baseball, basketball, football, anything-ball, just get away from her. Go away so she can miss you. ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER MY FRIEND.
Give her enough space so she can appreciate the husband she has.
Make a habit of spending time with you...or your boys. Keep busy!
Also, talk to her about it. Let her know what you think. Make her reverse the roles and have her friends talk some sense into her. You will be amazed how we women listen to our friends...
Hope all works out well for you..
Good Luck!
P.S....GET THAT BUSINESS OUT OF THE HOUSE! HOME IS FOR FAMILY, OFFICE BLOCKS ARE FOR BUSINESSES! ( I say that will love in my heart :)
2007-09-10 04:22:40 · answer #4 · answered by Lil' Mami 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money does not equal happiness.
These would be my possible guesses. I don't know your wife so these are just guesses:
1) Does not feel loved by you
2) Feels smothered (maybe too much time together?)
3) Feels unhappy with herself (nothing you can do can change that - that is her own issue)
4) Does not see meaning in her life (You said that she had lots of things but I believe people also need to see how they are positively contributing to the world to feel productive or whatever)
Like I said, these are just some ideas. People are complicated. There is no telling how your wife feels. Maybe you should ask her (when you aren't angry) and just tell her that as her husband you want to know what she needs from you.
2007-09-10 04:05:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
From a man's perspective, but she is doing this to you because you have given her everything and she hasn't had to earn nothing. Over time she has developed a view of you as a "blank check" so to speak that she can write and use however she pleases. She hasn't had to earn any of these things and since you have been the provider, in her mind you have become the butler. Over 20 years, if this is the way it has been, then you are going to have a hard time getting things back to where they were or where you need them to be. Good luck.
2007-09-10 04:05:03 · answer #6 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You WHAT shave her back? Are you sure you didn't marry a man from the beginning? If she is really a woman she needs to go to the doctors and get checked out it could be she going though the changes and I would go with her to the doctors and tell the doctors whats going on. Then again you should confront her about as well. Good luck to you both
2016-05-21 02:30:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you have the same problem I am told that I have. To put it bluntly, you've created a monster. Like me, you probably lavished your wife with nice things, made her the center of your universe, took her on exotic trips, let her order anything off the menu, and have busted your asss for the last several years convincing her that she is the greatest thing on earth. Well guess what? Mission accomplished! Like you, I wish my wife would do a little more for me without me having to bargain with her all the friggin time. I wish SHE would try to understand ME once in a while. But I'm realizing that it's probably too late for me and it's obviously too late for you. We've both spent our entire lives making our wives the way they are. And unfortunately they're not going to change. Not unless WE change first! Think you can do it? Think you can stop spoiling your wife and forcing her to appreciate the way things were? Let me know how it goes!
2007-09-10 04:01:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I hate to say it but... Marriage counseling. I am not a touchy feeling cry on your pillow kind of gal but sometimes working with an objective third party can help bring light to your current troubles and situations.
2007-09-10 04:00:28 · answer #9 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she feels that you aren't connecting with her, so she's pulling away.
Things (cars, purses, vacations) do NOT and cannot replace that feeling of connection with another person.
why not instead of buying her something, TALK to her. Tell her about your day. Tell her you LOVE her.
Knowing that someone loves me would mean more to me than a coach purse.
I'd rather have an old navy 8 dollar purse and a man who I was confident that he LOVES me.
2007-09-10 03:59:22 · answer #10 · answered by Sumie 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋