Can you tell me?

Question

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, I have no problem of great importance to impart to you. Seems you already have enough people doing that. Sometimes I wonder, but then I ask myself why, and then just go about my own way. I can ramble with the best of them. It was an easy read, the rhyming didn't throw me off at all, and the use of other words may have thrown the rhythm of of sync. Couple of lines had a slight meter problem, but nothing insurmountable. Keep trying, you'll get better with time.

Answer 2

The first problem I see is the rhyme scheme. It dropped me out of the poem immediately and made me focus on it. That brought me to your slant rhyme in line 3 and 4 and the the fact that it is the only one in the poem, which makes it a weakness, not a strength.

You repeat "special" in the first two lines and in the last, any particular reason why that was necessary?

You contradict the "bonds like this are meant to last" (cliche, btw) with the next line. Even though a new one forms, clearly by your own words, it is not the bond that has lasted.

This poem lacks emotional attachment. It is loaded with cliches and might work for the early stage of romance with a girl with lowered expectations, but in the long run, this poem fails to make a connection, which is perhaps unintentional grand irony.

Sorry, it doesn't work for this lover of love poems.

Answer 3

quite a powerful poem. I like the image of cocoon and the way 'our' world "bind us closer and keep us strong/
In a special world, where we belong." That is really profound and sets the audience reflecting.
I'd however suggest tentacles - instead of 'fingers';
reconsider "spun of gold" - the image is rather outlandish;
Instead of "nestling us to the fold" consider 'within the fold';
This is reflection from an omniscient source, better italicize or recast it and probably qualify as ' meant to last forever';
instead of 'strong' think about 'steadfast' since the latter fits in well with the red thread of the poem much better.



good luck

Answer 4

sun set in evening
the same rise in the morning
every mornings
its give us new hope
its gives us joy afresh
call us to enjoy the life
to bind us closer and keep as strong
that is life

Answer 5

That's nice. Did you write it yourself?

Answer 6

works for me..
zoom

Answer 7

not bad

Answer 8

nice =)

Answer 9

I LOVE IT