By insisting my wife wear longer skirts and higher cut tops?
She will often wear little or no underwear under them.When I get mad about any of her outfits she says I'm a backwards, she says I'm jealous, she says I don't want her to look nice.I refused to go out with her one time unless she changed, so she just went out without me, I found out later she went to a singles club with her friend, and took her ring off and let guys buy her drinks, if I tell her to stop hanging out with her single friends or go to appropriate hangouts I'm the bad guy again!! But she wouldn't even let me go to my own brother's bachelor party because there was going to be an exotic dancer! I complied hoping to lead by example, but she just went ahead to the wedding shower where they had a Chippendale dancer!
I don't want to lose her, she can be so wonderful sometimes, but I am really losing my patience with her behavior!
2007-09-10 03:13:16 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is an attractive woman, I'm lucky to be with her.I am always telling her how beautiful she is and how happy I am we are together.
2007-09-10 03:20:31 · update #1
We are both 31
2007-09-10 03:34:48 · update #2
You seem to be proud of her, but does she really feel that you love her?
The way she reacts signals to me that she wants to break out of a picture you have made for her, and which she does not feel well within. You may make her feel too grownup compared to the playful girl she is. That girl inside your wife has an urgent need to be loved as she is. Your reaction may therefore be completely wrong if you want to keep her.
Next time you find her skirts too short, wrap your arms firmly around her and whisper in her ear with a soft voice: "Don't you ever wear that skirt unless you have a strong man to protect you." Then make sure she feels that she needs to be protected, that she feels protected and that her lifeguard gives her what she probably wants from you when you come home.
Be a winner, not a whiner. Women prefer the first.
2007-09-10 21:16:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't really speak for the clothing issue because I think I would have to see for myself what she's wearing. I think women can look quite respectable in a shorter skirt, provided we're not seeing more than we bargained for ;-) and so long as she doesn't look like she belongs on the corner of some dark street late at night. As to the double standard you're living... I don't think that's fair at all. I have a friend whose wife won't even let him say a nice thing to another woman (like 'you look nice today') without him getting the cold shoulder treatment for days... I think it's a matter of trust. She doesn't trust you. She may have issues of insecurity. She may want to feel sexy and she may crave attention (perhaps why she wears what she wears and why she goes out to clubs with her single friends). I think you guys need to talk about these issues. You need to politely point out that what she's doing is disrespectful (at least the clubbing thing is) and that she needs to allow you some room to have some (innocent, I hope) fun too on occasion. You'll probably need o give her more attention and more comments about how good she looks etc. That may take away some of her need for attention from elsewhere..
2007-09-10 03:28:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she dress and act like this before you married her? If so, then I would say you knew full well about her behavior and style of dress before you married. Perhaps it was even this provocative manner that attracted you in the first place. You can't expect someone to change just for you and just because you are married. It doesn't work that way.
This is not to say I condone her behavior or yours. What is good for one party to abide by should be good for the other.
She should have more respect for herself and your marriage. You may need to be a bit less mad or jealous. Both of you need to get a better perspective on what you expect from this marriage. Have you two ever sat down and had a discussion about this or does it just come up when she's ready to walk out the door? I'd highly recommend you get this all out on the table now before it gets any worse.
Good luck.
2007-09-10 03:20:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both need a dose of marriage guidance counselling. What's all this business about 'insisting' and 'telling' and 'not letting'? You don't own eachother. You are two separate people attempting to become a couple. Not easy to do. You both need to compromise with eachother. You are scared of her short skirts and makeup in case she runs off with another bloke - and she's scared that if she lets you out of her sight with the boys you'll run off with a go-go dancer. She probably doesn't want to lose you either and no doubt you are wonderful sometimes - but she's probably losing patience with your behaviour. Go get some advice from an expert.
2007-09-10 03:28:24 · answer #4 · answered by chris n 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you want her to dress you? Who gives you the right to tell her what to wear? What makes you think you are so special?
It is her body and she wants to look great and stylish. She has every right. She is absolutely correct! You are backward. Men used to only allow their wives to wear clothing that covered almost all of their bodies, because they did not want their property viewed by other men.
Today wives are no longer property and can and should wear what they like. You were attracted to your wife in part because of how she dressed. Now that she is your wife, you no longer want her to dress that way. Does that make sense and if so how?
Because you are trying to control her, she feels that she cannot trust you. Stop telling her what to wear and show her that you love and care for her.
By the way, a dancer is a dancer. What difference would it make for either of you to see a dancer? By trying to control her, she is uncomfortable with you and what you might do with another girl. If you had not made a big deal about her clothing, she would not have cared about you seeing a dancer.
My other question is why the two of you are not going to weddings together. If you do things as a couple and have fun together you will both be a lot happier.
Take care,
Troy
2007-09-10 03:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, she doesn't have to dress like a nun, but she shouldn't look like a s*ut either. What is wrong with in between? I actually think that any woman looks sexier not trying to show off what they have (or don't have) under their skirts... I prefer a skirt that is below mid thigh, but not quite passed the knee. Depends on the situation.
As for her, its not right for her to go out with the girls to a singles bar and take her ring off. That disrespects the marriage. All I can say is that I wish more men were like you! She should want to look nice, but shouldn't be trying to attract ever sleaze out there.
2007-09-10 03:21:11 · answer #6 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hummmmmmmm. I think I would be in huge trouble if I did this at my house. I would hope I would be. This is not appropriate behavior for a married woman. I am talking about the double standard, and the ring off at the bar. The clothes...I don't know. My husband lets me know if he thinks too much is showing, I respect him and don't wear those things out without him....I haven't tried anything that he thinks should go into the trash....just cleavage stuff. I am sorry, it sounds like you married a handful. Maybe she will grow out of it. Is she still in her 20's?
2007-09-10 03:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by Rein 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a tease.
My hubby doesn't like me wearing anything super short when he's not with me and I respect that and don't.
Sorry to say it but she's not going to change and you sound like a really nice guy... I think you might want to look at getting a divorce and finding a nice girl that will love and respect you as much as you love and respect her.
And for everyone saying if she was like this before... I was like that before I got married. I went out to attract guys. She has a man at home and it is time for her to settle down, if she wasn't ready to do that she should never have married.
2007-09-10 03:30:13 · answer #8 · answered by Spring 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she dress like this when you met her or is this a recent radical change?
If she dressed like this when you met her, it would not be fair to try and change her. Let her dress like that.......it could be she feels pretty and wants to continue for you.
I do not think it fair that she can go out (the chippendale dancers are harmless) and you can't. This I would question. Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. That part of her behaviour would be a flag up. The not wearing panties and going out without you is a definate flags up, not to mention disrespectful to you and herself. Usually someone that is jealous of the same things they are guilty of is someone living with deception. Better to ask her about her extracurricular activities......she may be leading you on.
2007-09-10 03:24:09 · answer #9 · answered by kys 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it doesn't get any better than this...... soooo.... i would do some honest soul searching and ask yourself... is this an example of the relationship i had imagined?? if it is not, then i would get busy making it better... i will tell you this though ... if she feels sexy then that can only benefit you.... my guy says the opposite to me... he wishes i dressed like i make him feel about me... ( he sees me as sexy and i don't ) as long as you are showering her with attention and being all she needs, what can someone else do for her except disappoint her??? as far as doing the right thing... don't just do it sometimes, do it all the time!! a girl that has a faithful, loving, attentive husband has what every girl wants!! and if she doesn't act like she wants it ... then that should be addressed too.... good luck!!!
2007-09-10 03:22:24 · answer #10 · answered by Jeanette 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋